Guys are like purses

If you ever see my girls at a pool party in someone's infinity pool overlooking the ocean and they're saying things like, "Her make-up is so inland Orange County," can someone please put me out of my misery? There's a Laguna Beach marathon on MTV right now, and I got hooked for a few minutes by the absurd, incredibly stupid things that were coming out of these high-schoolers' mouths. For example, "Guys are like purses. Sometimes there's those guys, like that purse you like to have, but you don't want to be seen in public with. And then there's the beautiful ones you absolutely love, but cost a lot of money and need more care." "Some guys when they get older, they either get hot or they get ug-lay." " Are you 100% over him?" No, I'm 102%" "No way." "She like does her make-up for 500 hours a day." "I can't believe we're graduating. Like 18 years of 12 years of school."

There are several things wrong with this show: 1) This is actually a reality show, not a staged sitcom 2) How can anyone be so incredibly shallow and vain? 3) Where are their parents? 4) Girls are REALLY, REALLY mean 5) That "guys are like purses" dialogue is still really bothering me 6) Is this what our kids are destined to be like if we stay here in SoCal? 7) Maybe the chemicals they use to dye their hair are seeping into their brains? 8) Is there a distinction between makeup from inland OC and coastal OC? 9) Where did these girls learn math? I am really ashamed for our whole region and want to publicly apologize and assure everyone that we're not all like this. There are some of us out here that try to raise our children with morals and respect.

Klaus Teuber

With a name like Klaus how can you go wrong? If you've stayed in our home, you have most likely engaged in a game of Settlers with us. There are several ways our guests get educated while staying with us: 1) Swingers will be watched if not previously seen already, 2) Napoleon will be viewed, sometimes even if you've seen it before, 3) Settlers will be played. This is what we did on Christmas night with an old friend of ours, who was staying over. We went to bed at 3 AM after playing another one of Klaus Teuber's mastermind games, Settlers of the Stone Age. The original, Settlers of Catan was a favorite of ours for years. These games take old-school favorities like Monopoly and Risk to another level. At the end of the 3-hour game, I emerged victorious, even after my husband and friend staged an embargo and cut off all trade to my people. I'm looking forward to New Year's when we pull out the Yute, a centuries-old Korean game that is played like the game Sorry but is much cooler because it involves throwing carved wooden dowels simultaneously in the air. Let the games begin!

Christmas traditions

Growing up, Christmas was not about extravagant gifts, although we had some simple gifts most years even when the family was not doing well financially. As a child, Christmas was about the four of us, being at home and savoring my mom's non-stop cooking ALL DAY LONG. It also meant that my dad would fire up the fireplace (real wood logs and all), even if it was in the 70s outside. Since we didn't have grandparents, cousins, uncles or aunts who lived nearby to share in the holidays, we did our own thing at home. Now that we have our own family of 4, I often think about what kind of traditions we want to institute in our family. My husband's family on the other hand, is huge. Every holiday season, there are gatherings with the family clan and although I enjoy watching our children grow up and celebrate holidays with the large family that I never had, I still savor the time for us to be alone with our kids and build our own memories.

This year, our Christmas morning opened with gifts, because as a parent there's something so heart warming about the excitement and anticipation on a child's face when they are opening a gift. Since we hadn't explained Santa to our kids (remember it still hasn't been discussed in our household), they didn't know about or expect any gifts, which made the surprise even better. Afterwards we had breakfast and quickly got dressed for church. It was natural and easy this year to bring back the focus on Christ this Christmas, because this year it fell on Sunday. I was reminded how amazing and wonderful a gift we were given just a little over 2000 years ago when the God of all creation, who transcends all space and time, came down as flesh at a physical place and time to touch and speak to us. Wow. We take it for granted every day. This is the Christmas I want to show our children. The gifts, the full bellies, the laughter and the memories are just a bonus.

Winter's here, let's hit the beach?

Happy Winter Solstice everyone! Not to rub it in, but it's going to be a balmy 83 degrees here on Christmas Eve. Here in LA, the weathermen have names such as Dallas Raines and Johnny Mountain and although their simple and seemingly mundane job is to report the same sunshine everyday (seriously, they could just prerecord and play back the same weather report for the next several months), for some reason they like to devote a good third of the news to talking about the weather. First they talk about the weather in general. Then they break away to different areas of the city to see how people are enjoying the weather. Next, they cut to their correspondents in Vermont or Connecticticut and talk about how much the weather sucks elsewhere (usually, at this time there is lots of chuckling and joking about what people do out there while our residents are having picnics in their shorts). It's all very cruel. Finally, some overly tan man dressed like he's heading for the Casinos after work comes on and reports the numbers. We get it already. It's going to be sunny again and we rule!

Brainwashed Texan

Having grown up most of my life in Texas where the motto is "Bigger is Better" (including the people), you start to actually believe that size really does matter. I have always subconsciously chosen the bigger things in life. For example, I feel at home at places like Costco, and their packaging is just my size. When I sit and think about it more, I realize I don't really like:

• small cars (especially the kind with small engines),
• small trunks (I need cargo space to haul all my big stuff. We once hauled a 9-ft. long wood patio table with 6 matching chairs AND a large sandbox, shaped like a boat, all in the minivan in 1 trip.)
• small homes (at least for our family of 4; although I hate huge homes even more),
• small babies (the fatter the better),
• small creatures (e.g. insects, lizards and rodents),
• small dogs (look too much like large rodents),
• small underwear (thongs are evil),
• small kitchens,
• small cutting boards (very annoying to cut on),
• small refrigerators (We have a counter-depth fridge and the absence of those few inches is killing me. Fortunately, we have a spare fridge in the garage.),
• small closets (I have no walk-in closets!),
• small spaces (such as attics and crawl spaces),
• small toys (that I constantly have to pick up for my children and get lost in couch cushions or who knows where),
• small doors (I own a side-by-side double stroller),
• small lips,
• small eyebrows (e.g. Whoopi Goldberg),
• small fingernails and toenails (which I am cursed with),
• small, pointy shoes (I have feet on the large size for my height. Plus, they are also a bit wider.),
• small, beady eyes,
• small, expensive gadgets (which I'm constantly worried about losing),
• small purses (what's the point?),
• small planes (I've flown my share of prop-jets),
• small computers (I know I would like a smaller notebook computer, but I just feel like my monster laptop/countertop has more power and speed),
• small lot sizes (Hello, LA),
• small wallets (I stuff everything in mine including coupons which I whip out everywhere. Just go shopping with me, you will see),
• small pools (unless it's a jacuzzi which is not for swimming),
• small produce (Some say they are sweeter and organic is better, but God also gave us the science to produce bigger and better fruit. Also, I'm unable to cook in small portions),
• small hair pins (which I have to use because my daughters have no hair and they are constantly losing),
• small cookbooks (I've never read one that was good)
• small bathtubs (need to fit 1-2 comfortably),
• small towels (I grew up with puny little towels my whole life and now own only oversized bath towels)
• small men (my apologies to all you short-statured men. I'm married anyway.),
• small handwriting (unless your intent is for others not to read what you wrote)
• small stuff in your home that doesn't really have a place,
• small stuff I need and can never find when I need it,
• small pieces that are left at the end when clearing out the dishwasher,
• and... to add to my list, I just realized I don't like small states.

I have never lived in a state less than 46,058 square miles in size. The only states I've lived in are the first, second, third and sixth most populated states, and the sixth-ranked state (with well over 12 million residents) was definitely the worst in my memory. I didn't realize until now just how severe my size prejudice is.

A day in the life of our family

Here's a crazy scene from our family room one night:

[Enter UPS delivery man] I just receive a package from UPS. Hurriedly I open the package to see what it is, forgetting that I ordered something again online.

I rip open the box and pull out layers of packing filler covering the treasure. The anticipation is killing me.

There laying at the bottom is the karaoke mic system we ordered late one night on a whim.

"Yesss!" I proclaim.

I battle with the industrial strength, commercial grade plastic and finally release all the contents: an easy to plug in mic with a 300-song chip, 4 bonus chips and a small binder with a long list of alphabetized songs.

Joe watches from a distance, still sick and his body still riddled with the flu.

I plug it in and select an easy Beatles song, Blackbird. Sadly my score is pathetic (a mere 40 something). I clear my throat, adjust the pitch and the tempo and go at it again.

My husband interrupts, "Don't you want to give the kids a try?"

Oh yeah. I find some kids songs. My kids are tone deaf and can't keep a rhythm. I can't even remember their pitiful score, but the machine said something to the effect of, "keep trying." I guess my dreams of Julliard are blown.

We give it another 4 or 5 songs. We are determined to break 80.

It's "From this Moment," our very own wedding song that brings me home with a whopping score of 97. [sound of prerecorded applause in the background]

Yessss! I knew it was in me.

Final scene: The kids and I are fighting over the mic and poor Joe shuffles back into bed with the cacophonic sounds of 3 screeching girls echoing in the background.

[Fade to black]

Anyone up for karaoke?

Santa Claus - fact or fiction?

Merry Christmas, Santa
Originally uploaded by hyuhan.

Last night Joe and I had a conversation about Santa. Actually, it was me who did most of the talking this time, because Joe is still recovering from an awful, awful flu. I feel for all you poor individuals afflicted with this grievous ailment. Anyway, I'm chattier than ever, because my husband is finally able to engage in discourse with me again, now that he has some of his energy up. Can you tell that I am in need of companionship? I've only been writing a novel or two per day.

The dilemma is that as a Christian, 1) we don't want to tell lies to our children about some man who brings toys to only good boys and girls and 2) it takes away from the true meaning of Christmas and reduces it to something commercial. On the other hand, 1) what are children without hopes, dreams and stories (mythical or real), 2) our kids are going to ruin it for all the other kids on the playground, and 3) most of us have warm, wonderful memories from our childhood that are rooted in our belief in a Santa and the anticipation of receiving magical, elf-crafted gifts.

In our household, we have been avoiding the "Santa subject" with the kids. Even though we had Abby take pictures with Santa (very tastefully done at Disneyland) and she talked to him, there was no explanation of who he is and what he does. But already Abby seems to know about him. Maybe she heard about him from some friends at school? My inclination is to tell her that he is a story, like Cinderella, that has been passed down for many years. It will go something like this: On Christmas we celebrate the birth of the baby Jesus, His physical incarnation. As a bonus, we keep the tradition of exchanging gifts in the spirit of Santa Claus. Oh heck, who am I kidding? Do I really expect my 3-year old (or my 1-year old) to understand what I'm talking about? The girl still believes that the characters in costume at Disneyland are the REAL DEAL, even after meeting 3 different Belles. And it lights up her world to see and touch them every time we go to Disneyland. How could I burst her bubble like that? I don't know what to do. We can't avoid the subject forever, like our parents did with the sex-talk. Any suggestions? Until we come up with a good explanation, the subject continues to be non dit in our home.

One Degree of Separation

I was thinking today about how small the world is and all the weird connections my friends and family have. Here are three examples:

#1
A good friend of mine, Banana, whom I grew up with and have known since the 5th grade in Houston, now lives in New York and goes to the very same church as my soul sister, Cha. Cha and I have been good friends since college in NY. And now they are good friends. In fact Cha was in both mine and Banana's wedding parties.

They hardly remember, but about 7 years ago when I was visiting NY for a wedding, I was staying with Cha and had dinner with a random mix of friends (friends of my husband's, old friends from Houston and friends from college). They were both at that dinner and I don't think they even talked to each other.

#2
I have this friend, Soph, who went to the same college as Joe, and whom I met through another friend, Maria, whom I met while we were in grad school together. Not only did Maria go to grad school back in Texas with me, but she also went to the same college as Joe, which is out on the east coast. They all knew each other back in college and hung out in similar circles. Soph and Maria have been very close since high school (in Texas). Also, Soph's husband went to the same med school in Texas as my husband. Did you catch all that?

That's not the end of the hysteria. For a while Soph and her husband lived out here in LA like us. One day, Soph and I were talking about our Dads and discovered some very eerie similarities. They are both engineers and both work at the Houston office of a large engineering firm. 7 years ago my Dad was transferred for about 3 years to China by his company, which has branches all over the US and the world. I was telling Soph how difficult the job situation was in Houston and how my Dad was transferred overseas to China. "Wow, that's strange. My Dad is going through the same difficulties with his job and made the decision to transfer to China, too," says Soph. It turns out, they worked for the same company, in the same building for many years and had never met until they were both transferred at about the same time to work on the same project in China. Not only that. They had already become bosom buddies (eating dinners together, talking about children and soon-to-be grandchildren, taking hikes, and getting massages) before we even discovered this connection and revealed it to them. And here's the cherry on top of the sundae: Soph and I were both pregnant at the same time and had babies 5 days apart, although our due dates were only 1 day apart.

#3
Before our family immigrated to the US, my Dad went to college with and eventually worked at the same company as this other man, Mr. Y. They remained friends even after both our families came to the US, despite living in different states. Mr. Y became a pastor and was instrumental in bringing my Dad to Christ, which in turn was the key to saving our whole family. Through the years our families met and their 4 kids and my brother and I, who are all very close in age, got to know each other through short family vacations together.

Skip forward to 10 years ago. Joe and I meet for the very first time on a rock at Galveston beach with a bunch of other men and women from church. We begin a friendship. After I graduate from college, I go back to Houston and our friendship grows. We study together, he counsels me on med schools (I was pre-med and he was in med school), and we just talk about anything and everything. One day, my Dad discovers us talking at church and is surprised. He says to me, "Do you know who this is?" ... "This is the nephew of Mr. Y." Say what?! It turns out, Mr. Y told Joe to look up my Dad at our church. Joe and my Dad were already acquainted, but it was at that moment that Joe discovered that I was the daughter of his uncle's friend. My father-in-law and Mr Y. are the 4th and 5th children out of 8 siblings.

Did you just get chills? My life never ceases to amaze and blow me away. If these aren't examples of God's providence, I don't know what is. Anyone else got any good stories?

Gotta read

I've been tagged. Thanks, Cha, for the inspiration. Here's my take on 15 Things About Books, a completely open-ended list about books and book preferences.

1. Growing up I remember very distinctly several of the first books I owned in my library, which I read over and over. A few include: A is for Anabelle, Walt Disney's Storyland, No Roses for Harry, Lyle Lyle the Crocodile (thanks to Cha for finding the last 2 for our girls), A Fly Went By, The New Kid on the Block, Charlotte's Web, the Ramona Quimby books, A Wrinkle in Time, Hardy Boys series, Nancy Drew series, Anne of Green Gables.
2. I took a long hiatus from reading after my children were born. It's due to my personality. You see, when I'm reading (or doing anything for that matter) I need to know that I can focus for a while on just reading without interruptions. Mothers don't really have that luxury. For me, the thought of having to put a book down in the middle of a good part was just too unbearable. That's when TV stepped in - it requires less commitment and less concentration. I have since picked up reading again, but the only time I have to indulge in it is when the kids are down at night.
3. I'm convinced the reason I don't have 20/20 vision anymore is because of reading. Up until the point when I was an engineering major, I wasn't required to read too much. As soon as I transferred from Engineering to Humanities I delved into reading and not just because I had to. I think I had a combined average of 50-100 pages per night assigned on everything from Supreme Court decisions, foreign policy, North/South Korean relations, urban policy, to philosophy. It was that first semester after transferring that I noticed a dramatic drop in my perfect vision. But aside from that, I had a really good education. I wish I had taken better advantage of it at the time.
4. I am extremely anal about the care of my books. Before college I used to buy clear contact paper (the kind you line your kitchen drawers with) and cover all of my softback books. I can't stand the sight of creases on the bindings of my books. That's why all my books look unread. I had to abandon that habit when I went to college, for fear of being labeled a freak.
5. This is how much of an engineering nerd I am - freshman year of college, I was really into the book A Brief History of Time, by Stephen Hawking.
6. My favorite sources for books are Amazon.com and Costco (of course). Why pay msrp?
7. The one book I can recite in its entirety by memory is Goodnight Moon. Wherever I am, even if I don't have the book on me, I can recite the story for my girls and it calms them down at night.
8. For me, the hardest part about reading is choosing the right book. Two of my biggest pet peeves are investing time and money at a subpar restaurant and investing time and precious bookshelf space on a mediocre book. It often takes me weeks or more to decide on a book - I will check reviews and ask people I know before I even consider buying/checking out a book. Anyone got any good book review sources or better yet, any good books?
9. When I was in the 4th grade I used to dream about becoming a children's book writer and illustrator, even though I was a child myself. I actually wrote, illustrated and bound (well, stapled) a few of my own stories. At that time, I was really into unicorns, so I wrote lots of mythical stories and was constantly practicing my unicorn drawings. I guess this is why I can relate to Napoleon Dynamite and his fascination with ligers.
10. Whenever my mom comes to visit our kids (or we go to visit them) she comes with half a suitcase full of books. She picks them up wherever she goes. I love it, but I seriously need to consider getting a wall unit built for all of them. Cha, is also guilty of contributing to our enormous library. I think we may have about half as many children's books as the dinky local library in our area (sad).
11. I once took a class to learn how to speed read. It was pretty interesting and for reading under pressure (such as a standardized exam) it's pretty handy, but it's not enjoyable. You have to position your whole body and hold your book a certain way that doesn't look or feel normal. Imagine a whole room full of people doing this and waving their hands across book pages at a rapid speed - it looks crazy. You can't really read like that outside the privacy of your own home. Also, after doing it for a half an hour or so, your head really hurts.
12. Ever since college and studying poli sci, I have really been into reading non-fiction documentary-style books - really depressing stuff about people in other parts of the world or other cultures that makes me appreciate my life even more and gets me riled up about all the injustice in the world. For example, Amazing Grace by Kozol and The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down by Fadiman are both very compelling reads. But lately, since a friend of mine leant me her copy of Memoirs of a Geisha, I have been really itching for some good fiction. Maybe it's just a result of me wanting to escape from the crazy state of the world lately - I need more uplifting, happy endings.
13. I am currently reading: Three Junes by Julia Glass, The World According to Garp by John Irving, and Young at Art: Teaching Toddlers Self-Expression, Problem-Solving Skills, and an Appreciation of Art by Susan Striker.
14. I found this list of 100 best English language novels since 1923 and it's pathetic how few of them I have read. Maybe 15% at best.
15. The one good habit I hope my kids develop and keep with them forever is the need to read. Can you imagine how brilliant you would be if you read everything available to you?

Welcome Christian and Amanda

Congratulations to Julie and Lynda, both sisters who had due dates 10 days apart, but somehow managed to give birth on the very same day, without their control. Providence! Happy Birthday Christian and Amanda!

The babies in utero count at church is back to 8 (down from 10). And no, we're not pregnant.

An enigma

Every time I see trailers for Brokeback Mountain I am puzzled. I don't foresee a lot of heterosexual men going to see this, at least not together. They're also eliminating a large majority of the population, because children will not be seeing it. And I'm not sure I know too many women who are interested in seeing it (cowboy movies don't generally appeal to chicks, even without the boy-on-boy action). Are there really that many gay men out there? I think I'd like to see it, but does anyone want to go see it with me?.... ... ... .. Oh well, I may have to wait for the DVD to come out. Am I missing something? I thought the way movies make money is to appeal to mass audiences. Perhaps it's like that bet Cha made with me to use the phrase rubber vagina in my blog, but instead the wager here is for the challenger to incorporate two gay cowboy lovers in a major motion picture. Someone just got paid. Big time.

TWO

Thanks, Cha for yet another list. Here are some tidbits from me to you.

Two Names You Go By

1. Ha
2. Halle (only given out to people I meet for the first time and who are struggling to pronounce my real name. It's the sign of the times; I've gotten lazier.)

Two Parts of Your Heritage

1. Korean
2. Latin-American (I've been told I can shake it like a Latina, by a Latino)

Two Things That Scare You

1. Overgrown ivy, which we have all over our backyard (I don't want to know what's living in there)
2. Crawl spaces, which we have under our entire house (ditto)

Two Everyday Essentials

1. Hugs and kisses from my girls & husband
2. Prayer. There's never enough.

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now

1. Jeans - my #1 thing I reach for to wear
2. A favorite cozy sweater, which I've had for almost 10 years

Two of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists

1. Indigo Girls
2. Mozart

Two Things You Want in a Relationship

1. Loyalty. I need to know that you've got my back.
2. Honesty. Tell it to me like it is.

Two Truths

1. We are all poor, wretched sinners
2. God's grace is sufficient for all.

Two Things You Hate (or at least really dislike)

1. Being disrespected
2. People who are incredibly selfish. We are all selfish to some extent, but I'm talking about move-outta-my-way, I'm-gonna-get-my-way-or-else, kind of selfishness.

Two Physical Features that Appeal to You

1. Height
2. A great smile

Two of Your Favorite Hobbies

1. Anything that requires my hands (knitting, baking, cooking, building, gardening, throwing pottery on a wheel)
2. Anything that gives me the opportunity to watch my children laugh (including Disneyland)

Two Things You Want Really Badly

1. To be satisfied with my life and what I've accomplished
2. To be a really good wife and mother.

Two Places You Want to go on Vacation (other than visiting family)

1. New York in the Fall, Christmas or June
2. Maui anytime

Two Things You Want to Do Before You Die

1. Spend some time living in a foreign country.
2. Be there for my kids as they get married and have their own kids.

Two Ways That You are Stereotypically a Chick/Guy
As those of you who know me understand, I'm not stereotypically anything. In fact, I am known to be more stereotypically like a guy in the way I think and act (I'm not that expressive, not very sensitive, and not good at multi-tasking). So, here are my 2 closest semi-chick qualities:

1. I like driving a minivan, but I think any guy or girl would like it, if they could get over the whole soccer mom stigma. What's not to like - it handles like a sedan, has power, seats an army, is chocked full of gadgets and cupholders, AND gets decent gas mileage. Like I said before, it corners like it's on rails, yet rides like a limo. What could be more manly than that?
2. I don't like insects or rodents, but then does anyone really like them? If ever a creature in either or these 2 categories crosses my path, I scream for my husband (or the nearest person other than me), like a damsel in distress.

Two Things You Normally Wouldn’t Admit

1. I'm extremely gullible.
2. I'm extremely ticklish.

The Magic of Disney

Give me an "A"
Originally uploaded by hyuhan.

What is it about Disney that captivates every child from the time of inception? Disney has created a mystique and allure that draws every little child (and rakes in millions). As soon as you walk through the magic gates, a spell is cast and you are instantly under a trance. You are now in Disney-Land and nothing on the outside world matters. In fact, if you want to go to your car and leave the park, you had better have a good reason because it's quite a trek. As we walked along the glistening Main Street, we saw many of the beloved characters we grew up with and crowds of children (and large adults) swarmed towards them just to catch a glimpse or touch a piece of fabric from their costume or even receive a wave or hello in return. Here there is no Brad Pitt, no Angelina Jolie. Cinderella and Price Charming rule here. My husband and I are not too excited about our daughters' love of everything Disney, especially of their incessant idol-worshipping Princess talk. It just feeds into the whole celebrity game here in the real world and teaches them values we don't believe: that it's what's on the outside that counts, that being a celebrity really matters to the world, and that you need to wear dresses, makeup and pretty shoes to be pretty and attract a man (Abs would wear a dress EVERYDAY if she had a choice). Our younger daughter (20 months) can now say glass slipper, magic wand, princess, Cinderella, Mulan and a host of other words from the Disney dictionary. But how can we teach them not to like these things when they are so prevalent and so natural to them? It's the one thing that Abs loves talking about and she loves seeing. I know it's just a phase that will pass. But I wonder sometimes, are they teaching our children lasting lessons that are negatively shaping their self-esteem/self-worth and their real image of the world?

On another note, we did find all the minority Disney characters at Disney's California Adventure. If you're wondering where all the non-white characters are, they are at the other park on the other side. The highlight of Abby's trip was getting to meet Mulan. I guess if she's going to like a fictional character, it's not so bad that it's one that can kick some major butt with her Samurai sword.

Dear God, Thank you for Popeyes

Dear God, Thank you for Popeye's
Originally uploaded by hyuhan.

Last night on the way to Costco, we were trying to decide where to eat. We wanted something fast, yet satisfying, so we could get to Costco in time before it closed. God heard our prayers and he answered. On the way there, I noticed for the first time, a Popeyes right there en route to the very same Costco we shop at regularly. Being a Southern girl myself and living through Mardi Gras '96, we just had to turn in and dine in. I was sooooo excited. It was a first for our daughters and even for Joe. Abby prayed for the meal and we hungrily devoured our 8-pc meal, with biscuits and a large side of red beans & rice. It was delish. Love that chicken from Pop-eyes.

God Bless the 80s

Upload Video at DropShots.com

Recently, a good friend of ours donated their keyboard to us. Our kids love it and can't stop playing it. Being classically trained myself, I thought I'd try and teach them a few scales to start, but they have their own ideas. Check out this crazy video of our kids jammin' to the preprogrammed Demo. This explains why 80s music is so universally loved by all generations.

Mome-sal

It's what happens to you after you've overexerted yourself and not gotten enough rest. It's not the flu or any sort of illness associated with bacteria or viruses. It's mome-sal. In all my years I still haven't determined what the medical equivalent is and although it can't be limited to the Korean race, I've never heard of a single non-Korean experiencing it. When I'm having fun, my body and brain don't communicate and eventually I crash. I was wallowing in the minutes with my sister Cha and forgot to stop and rest. It's not my fault though - my body never told me it needed rest. That's because my body and brain have a communication problem. It's the reason why I have to journal in order to understand myself. Anyway, after 5 glorious days of moments that can never be replicated, my body just decided to go to sleep. Through the day and through the night. What did the kids do, you ask? They ate whatever they wanted and watched ridiculous animated movies that I would never let them watch had I been conscious. They weren't complaining. By the way, after not washing my face for over a day, for some reason my skin looks better than ever and feels smoother and blemish-free. I'm beginning to think that all the cosmetics marketed to clean, clarify and rejuvenate your skin are a big hoax. Duh. I think we fuss too much over our skin when all we really need are loads of sleep and our own naturally produced oils. Okay, it's settled, I'm going to write a whole 400-page book on this and sell a million copies. It will be titled, YOU: The Owner's Manual: An Insider's Guide to the Face that Will Make You Look Healthier and Younger. I will make billions. Muhahaha. It will be on stands next to my husband's Manifesto (forward by Cha).

Also, during my sleepy state (I may have been dreaming, but I could have sworn) my younger daughter (20 months) had a full dialogue with me. She said, "Mommy, open it please. Makeup." I have this suspicion that she talks in full sentences with her sister but when I'm around she speaks in baby talk so she can still receive my sympathy and doting. Kids are pretty darn manipulative.

Ahhh. Looking back over the past week, there were moments that were so precious because they were moments that could only happen with Cha. When I spend time with certain friends, I feel like I'm at home, wherever I am. Not only did we take in the sites (outlets malls, Reagan library, Costco), we had long talks about anything and nothing at all. Here are a few soundbites from our week together:

HA: It must be because of the war (explaining why I hoard plastic shopping bags by the dozens)
CHA: You should include that in your Manifesto and I will write the forward (said to Joe after making very capitalist remarks)
HA: It's good homicide weather (said while passing a taping for CSI)
CHA: Storm? pfchaaa! It's barely drizzling! And why are shoppers scrambling? (referring to the ridiculous news anchors documenting the "storm" which looked more like a momentary drizzle)
HA: She must have a rubber vagina (referring to a woman who passed two 10-lb twins vaginally without tearing)
CHA & HA: Nooo mountain lions! Nooo rattlesnakes! (It wouldn't be a true vacation without nature and all the elements)
HA: A nature walk is not a hike.
CHA: Why do men act like that? What would a man do? (looking to Joe, the only man in sight and in our household, as the voice of the entire male race)
HA: How do you get things done without phone calls? Would you call a plumber? (interrogating Cha on her aversion to phone conversations)

It seems our history together is full of these vignettes, these splashes of comic relief that make all the sense in our worlds but make no sense to the world.

Woman

Delicate and torrid
Her eyes fixed and watching
Searching for a distant meaning
A touch, a breath
Her regard cannot be contained
Her body more than a mere vessel
Ever changing and unfolding
A rubber vagina
Producing life blood

Is her heart never to find peace
A home beneath the shallows
Wanton cries, wanton laughter
You see, she is more than just anything
Just Woman, Just you.

This one's dedicated to Cha and her poor friend who gave birth to TWO 10-pound twins via vagina (no lacerations!), and aptly referred to as Ms. Rubber Vagina. We made a small wager that I wouldn't and couldn't use the phrase "rubber vagina" in my post. Show me the money!

Reflections

This holiday has been a great opportunity for me to spend quality time with family and friends and even old friends I thought were long lost. I realized how much our children will need my love and support even when they are older and have their own families. Also, no matter how hard I try, our family, like all families, will somehow be dysfunctional in some way. I just have to accept it, try to teach my children how to overcome that dysfunction and hopefully they won't hate me for it later. I am still trying to resolve the dysfunction of my family so I don't inflict the same torture onto my kids (more on this at a later time). I decided old friends are too precious to just let go, especially the fun ones. I saw once again that God works in mysterious and wonderful ways to change the hearts of hard-hearted people. And right now I am basking in the love of a good friend, who to me is the sister I never had and always begged mom and dad to give me. I just have 4 more days to convince her that she lives on the wrong coast. It shouldn't be too hard, especially since she finally appreciates sushi.

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

Cinderella's mouse friend
Originally uploaded by hyuhan.

In our current modern era we are constantly finding ways to maximize our time. It's as if idle time has been deemed evil or something. But here in LA, no matter how much the residents fight to cut in line or avoid waiting, we actually spend a large portion of our lives wasting away in lines - lines at the supermarket, lines at the movies, lines on every freeway, and even lines to see freakin' Cinderella's mouse at Disneyland (total B-list supporting character). You name it, there will be a line. I sometimes wonder if all the built up tension over constantly jockeying for a place in line is going to turn into something very ugly, very soon. Anyway, this holiday was a vacation of standing in lines. We went to Disneyland on Thanksgiving and stood in every line, and on Saturday we went to Reagan library where we stood in line for at least half an hour just to buy tickets for admission and then another hour to enter Air Force One. The only redeeming experience this whole weekend was the FastPass at Disneyland. What a system - you take a ticket and come back at a scheduled time and lo and behold, no line (or a relatively short line - 10 minutes versus 100 minutes). Is there some way we could have FastPass for the freeway, too?

So, enjoy the pictures from our 11 1/2 hours at Disneyland and the very nicely designed Reagan Library (so far the best Presidential Library I've been to yet).

Stuff it

I recently found a good recipe for Southwest Cornbread & Chorizo Stuffing in Sunset Magazine. Just looking at the list of main ingredients enticed me: chorizo, onion, red bell peppers, fennel, cliantro, mushroom and butternut squash. For Margaret, and anyone else who might be interested, you should try it this week for Thanksgiving. I tested it today at the church lunch and I think it was a success. If you have a hard time finding chorizo, you can also try substituting it with spicy Italian sausage, although it won't have as much bite to it and then it won't be called Southwest Cornbread & Chorizo Stuffing anymore. Also, the serving size says, 10-12, but I think that's the case if you're having only stuffing for dinner (and you can with this stuffing). But you can always freeze the leftovers and pull it out whenever you need a side dish (that and kimchi). Just to warn you, the prep time for this dish is not short, but you can cut corners like buying pre-cut butternut squash from Trader Joe's (another one of my favorite places to shop) and ready-made cornbread. You might have to go to a higher-end market to find the fennel, but if you live in SoCal, you can find it at your local Ralph's, as I did. I guess you could substitute celery for the fennel (they are in the same vegetable family, but fennel has a more licoricy flavor), but only if you can't find fennel at all.

Since we're not having the traditional Thanksgiving dinner this year, I'm going to post some of my favorite recipes and just dream about the perfect dinner.

Being Thankful

As we approach the Thanksgiving Holiday, it's appropriate to talk about all the things that God has so generously provided.

10 things I'm grateful for that reveal my shallow worst:

1. High speed internet
2. Getting my family room remodeled by Kenneth Brown
3. The Odyssey - corners like it's on rails yet rides like a limo
4. Sippy cups and all the other kids' gadgets I get suckered into buying, but really make my life more manageable
5. The assortment of readily available, cute girls' clothes everywhere I go (This would also make my list of 10 things I'm not grateful for)
6. Maclaren double stroller - the best double stroller on the market (It corners like it's on rails yet rides like a limo)
7. Costco - the free samples, the books, the toys, the produce, the appliances, every aisle.
8. Friends that don't mind taking our kids off our hands so Joe and I can go out
9. Technology. Without it I couldn't snap digital photos of our kids all day long, call nationwide unlimited (nights and weekends), shop without leaving the house, blog, and chat online with babes all day.
10. Coupons - I don't truly feel like I'm getting a good deal unless I'm buying it with a coupon. I have been told before that I am a marketing person's dream come true.

10 things I'm genuinely grateful for:

1. Having a husband that is fully devoted to our family and balances me out
2. Our 2 sweet and funny girls
3. An upbringing full of memories I can now laugh about, and that has made me who I am.
4. Salvation and sanctification
5. My health and strength and the continued health of those I love
6. My parents and bro, who have pushed me to always be better and influenced my diabolical brain from the time of my impressionable youth.
7. All the inspiration out there, everywhere I turn - it keeps my creative juices flowing
8. Being home to experience my children and all their triumphs
9. Our church and the family of believers we have there
10. Girlfriends that get me, including Cha (who keeps feeding me these lists and always gives me something to read)

The good life

Box Seats Baby
Originally uploaded by hyuhan.

When the Staples Center opened about 6 years ago it marked the beginning of a new era for sports enthusiasts in LA.

Some Staples Center facts:
• 20,000 seats
• $400 million estimated construction costs. (approximate)
• 160 suites from 250 to 425 square feet.
• Premier Club, stadium bar limited to 200 members and $10,500 a year dues.
• The Premier Club has a private wine cellar.
• Arena Club, 500 seat restaurant.
• Premier seats, 2,500 seats.
• 15,000 sq ft marshaling area to accommodate trucks/sets
• $1.5 million sound system.
• 1,200 televisions screens in clusters throughout the building.
• 10,000 sq ft sports bar by Fox Network on the lower level.

When I heard the Staples Center was opening, I cursed its existence. It was not an arena to be enjoyed by the average Lakers’ fan. Its purpose was to entertain and cater to the elite. A large proportion of its seats are in the hundreds/thousands of dollars and are sold to high-end corporations and the rich. We went to the Staples Center for the first time tonight after being given box seat tickets to the Lakers’ game. There were of course celebrities galore (it’s LA) and the VIP section was very posh, as I had expected. Sometimes, I find myself hating the world of the rich and famous in the affluent areas of LA – from the droves of women dressed head to toe in only high end designer labels to the parade of luxury automobiles. But, I have to admit that I enjoy the good life, too. What if you had the opportunity to stay for a week at the Ritz in Maui for free, were given complimentary Lakers’ box seat tickets, and had a generous expense account to stay at 5-star hotels (all of these have happened to us)? One side of me pushes to be a good steward of the money God has given me and the prissy side enjoys the deluxe accommodations at the Ritz. I often feel like I need to justify the money I spend. After all, there are so many more worthy causes out there and so many productive things that can be done with our money. How and where does one begin to draw the line at “excess?” I have learned that where you draw this line is very relative.

There was a time that Joe and I lived in a 1-bedroom apartment and slept in a twin bed together and felt that we had everything we needed in the world. Even though we have come a long way from that humble start, we still reminisce fondly about the beginning when we owned very little, but were happy and felt like we had it all.

Family Room reDesign Part IV

Murano glass lamp
Originally uploaded by hyuhan.

Today was the equivalent of 4 regular days for me - I went to a shoot at a vintage lighting store for the show reDesign, came home and did some chores around the house, did another shoot at home and went to a Lakers' game. Pictured is the gorgeous one-of-a-kind Murano glass lamp that Kenneth and I picked out for our new family room, which is scheduled to air sometime early next year. It's kind of weird that someone like me, who is really pretty camera shy, is spending so much time in front of a camera. Actually, it feels like I'm in a long-running drama, but really most of what I'm doing for the camera will get cut in the editing room, because the show is only 30 minutes. Maybe ours will be the first show that will have a "To Be Continued." We have spent the equivalent of 2 working days on tape so far and our room hasn't even been seen by a contractor. That goes to show you how much behind-the-scenes junk that goes into a show, even a small-time cable production. Can you imagine how much footage they must shoot for a movie?!! I'm getting really excited about how the room is going to look, while Joe is getting more and more nervous, mainly because of the dark wallpaper they're going to put on the walls. This is going to be the most controversial show ever aired on HGTV, because of Joe's skepticism. The producer loves it, though. "Keep giving us more crotchety."

Firsts

Okay, I'm giving in. I debated about not doing this list for days, because it was just too embarrassing. Cha made me do it.

First best friend: Linda. She could make me do anything. I never got into Barbies growing up, but because of her, there was one year that I actually begged my mom for a Barbie. I would take my sorry looking permed-hair Barbie to play with Linda's whole Barbie family in the Barbie dream house with the pink corvette and all. She even got me to join the swim team one summer with her and I didn't even know how to swim. At all. I did a lot of swim clinics and came out "most improved" at the end of the season. Yeah... cause I could barely keep my head above water when I started.

First Car: Gray '84 Oldsmobile Delta 88 with maroon velvet interior. Sweet. It wasn't so sweet at the time. It was a BOAT. The only thing it was good for was packing in people, especially with its bench seats. I think we fit as many people in that car as we can now with our minivan. It did have amazing power and I could steer it with my pinky. There were about 3 months during its life with me that the reverse didn't work. I had to come up with clever ways to park so I would never have to use the reverse. Only once did my friends have to help push the car out for me, but it wasn't my fault. TIM! When the time came to let it go, my dad sold it for almost the same price he bought it for. Even now, if you mention that car, he will brag about how that car cost him practically nothing.

First kiss: Some random boy in my neighborhood when I was 5. After that, I went around chasing boys and trying to kiss them. I was incorrigible. That was for a very brief time, but really, most of my childhood and adolescence, I couldn't even look a boy in the eyes or hold his hand.

First big trip: The summer before junior year in HS, I went to 6 countries in less than a month with about 15 others as a High School Student Ambassador. The countries we toured were the USSR, Poland, Germany, France, Netherlands and England. This was only 1 year after the reunification of E & W Germany and the Berlin wall came down, so it was a pretty amazing experience. We were hell-raisers - can you imagine 15 pubescent teenagers in foreign countries with basically no legal drinking age and only 2 chaperones? Not good.

First flight: On New Year's Eve when I was only 2, from Seoul to somewhere in Hawaii. We landed in Houston on the first of the year and that's where we settled. Why Houston? I still ask myself that today.

First time skiing/snowboarding: I don't know why this is on the list of significant events, but the first time I went skiiing was in high school. I think I was 15 and we went on a weeklong trip to New Mexico. I got pretty good by the end of the week, while my little brother who was in 2nd grade would whiz around me by the end of the first day. I have yet to go snowboarding and can't wait to go.

First Alcoholic Drink: A beer, of course, when I was a freshman in high school. That was when I discovered I had a tolerance for alcohol.

First ticket violation: (age 16) I was on a date and cruising at a moderate speed down to Galveston and didn't realize the speed limit changed outside the Houston city limits (I was only 8 miles over the limit - damn you, Texas troopers! The officer's name was Castro, which I thought was very befitting). I was in my nicest duds on the way to the new Rainforest Pyramid and afterwards, a very fancy dinner. That was the first time I had sorbet between courses and it wasn't for dessert. Also, a huge tropical bird shat on my head at the Rainforest Pyramid and I had to wash my nicely coiffed bangs with sani-fresh.

First job: Sonic, during winter break, freshman year of college, for 3 weeks. The manager that hired me couldn't understand why an ivy-league college student wanted to work there, but I had to because my mom wouldn't get off my back until I got a job, any job. I was too good for Micky D's. I was the pleasant voice at the drive thru window. "Hello, welcome to Sonic, may I take your order?" You must try the SuperSonic jalapeno double cheeseburger, which I think I ate almost every day I worked there. Speaking of jobs, one summer while I was in college, I decided to look for a job and landed 4. I decided to accept all 4 simultaneously. I scooped ice cream for Haagen Daz, was a waitress/hostess/cook for a Korean restaurant (where I vowed never to work for Koreans ever again), handled community affairs for an Assemblyman in NY, and did office work for the Provost of my university.

First date: With the aforementioned guy I got my first ticket with. I was 16. He came and picked me up in his dad's flashy Pontiac limited edition something or other (Texas white boy car). While I was upstairs primping, my parents let him in, but only to the front foyer. They decided at that moment that he was not the boy for me and was not to be trusted.

First memory: (age 2 or 3) I have 2 early vivid memories and I'm not sure which happened first. The first one is of me being dropped off at nursery school for the first time and crapping in my pants. The other is of some neighborhood boys I wanted to impress coming down the alley and me running in the house to put every hair pin I owned (at least 10 hair accessories of varying colors and styles) in my hair to look pretty.

First True Love: My husband. Even though I have loved before, I never knew love like this before [Stephanie Mills singing in the background].

The purpose

When I started this blog, I didn't think about what it would become. I did initially think it would be an outlet for me to get my thoughts out and it would be a good forum for my friends to "talk" and check up on my goings-on. I didn't think too deeply about it, because I often choose not to think about things too much. My husband calls me compulsive, because I often make decisions that seem like I don't put much thought into them. I think I do put thought into them, but you can't hear my thoughts because they are deeply embedded in my brain. Anyway, Joe, through his skillful probing helped me discover why I find blogging fascinating. Aside from my initial reasons, I've discovered that I find deep comfort in reading about like-minded people who struggle and revel in the same things. It's not that I'm in isolation at home or don't have friends that I can relate to, but in my world it's sometimes hard to find people that think the way I do about the things that matter to me. Joe accuses me of escaping from reality and not investing in "real" relationships. Maybe I'm just different and it's comforting to me to know that there are those out there, somewhere, who share similar cares, beliefs, passions and problems. After all, how often is it that you find a bunch of people who share the same ideology, are at the same stage in life, AND live in the same area (and play well with your kids and significant other)? It's rare. It's part of our sinful nature to want to befriend only those who are similar to us; it's our comfort zone. Anyway, I value the community I've found out here in the blogging world and I cherish the quality time I have to catch up with my old friends that are not here with me, but I am also a woman of the physical world.

On a less serious note, I am officially lactose intolerant, but I think only at night (my stomach develops more sensitivities at night). Last night I came home and decided I wanted a BIG glass of milk. Big mistake. I had a TAE for hours after that. My insides were wreaking havoc on my poor little body through the night. I don't know how the human body just decides one day that it wants to reject something that it's been accepting every day in large glassfuls up until then. I hope this is not the beginning of my post-30 total body deterioration. I used to love my body. It served me well for 3 decades, with only a short list of minor illnesses (such as a handful of bouts with the flu and colds) and no major ailments. In fact, I can count the number of times I remember puking in my lifetime, on one hand. Another unique strength about my body is that I'm immune to poison ivy. I even lived with a roommate who had mono for a whole semester and I didn't get infected. And considering all the bad foods (and drinks) I fed it through my life, and the 2 healthy pregnancies it endured in a short timeframe, it proved to be extremely resilient and almost invincible. Sadly, my list is growing at a rapid rate in more recent years: lactose intolerance, random allergies to I don't know what on random days, eczema that makes me want to scrape my skin off, back problems that are especially noticeable when it's about to rain, occasional tendinitis in one arm. Please, God, I promise to be better to my body.

Cats fear

Ailurophobia. I scoff, sometimes mock, my poor husband's fear of cats. It's something that runs in his family. Whenever I see a stray cat, out and about, I make sure I point it out just to see the reaction my in-laws have. It's cruel. I know. But if you've ever seen a bunch of adults standing frozen and petrified at the sight of a cute little fluffy kitten, it's priceless. Lately, though I've been wondering if it might be a true illness. I've been noticing my 2 kids grimacing at the sight of cats and wondering if it might be something to be concerned about. I did some research. The section titled, "The True Cost of Living with Cats Fear" is interesting. After reading it several times, I still don't get it. Can't you just not own a cat and avoid cats? Maybe I'm missing something.

I have begun to wonder if our world is just becoming more and more paranoid as a result of our excess of knowledge. We as humans feel a need to label EVERYTHING in order to address it and overcome our so-called psychoses. What really happens is that we get more and more paranoid about having a clinically diagnosable medical condition and start popping pills, which have side effects, which then have to be remedied, too. Why can't we just be happy-go-lucky like cave men and women were (I don't really know if they were happy, but I assume they didn't have half as many medical problems as the current American or they just died before they could notice their conditions were significant) and just brush it off. Now we have to deal with dry mouth, sexual dysfunction and insomnia, on top of our fear of cats.

Several months ago, my husband found an ad in a magazine, which he had carefully saved for me to read. It was a pharmaceutical co. ad for some drug which purports to relieve symptoms of a condition called, Restless Legs Syndrome (RLS). Come on! Immediately, I turned to the cover of the magazine to make sure it was really a real magazine and not some trick ad that he had found or made up. Apparently, this is a legit condition and someone has even formed a foundation for its cause. There were a handful of times that I remembered my husband getting up during the night and pacing because he said his legs were restless. I usually just laughed at him and then turned over to go back to sleep. My husband was so excited to find this ad and then proudly present it to me, as if to say, "See, I'm not the only one in the world."

Crazies hate being called crazy.

Sorry

My sincere apologies for having to rid my site of all your wonderful comments. Being a novice and also neurotic about always improving myself (and my blog) means that my site will always be a work in progress. I have decided to move on to bigger and better commenting and unfortunately this means letting go of all my old comments (unless any of you out there know of a way to recover them). If you want to go back and comment on anything that was said before, feel free. I greatly value your comments and the deletion of them is merely due to the improvements that had to be made.

The Management

Happy Birthday My Love

Today is my dear husband's birthday. We have a lot to celebrate:

1. You've endured almost 20% of your living days with me (26.5% if you start counting from the moment we both felt we might be together forever).
2. I've learned the value of communication, not just with you but with every individual I come in contact. You have come to better understand people who lack communication.
3. We know how to make feisty girls together.
4. Probably tens of thousands of decisions have been made in equal partnership in our household, mainly because you demand it to be so.
5. God has been goooood to our family in every way.
6. Although our differences sometimes feel so great, our respective strengths and weaknesses make us a dynamic duo.
7. You're gonna be 40.... some day

By the way, nice outfit.

Kimchi, miracle drug

I always had this suspicion that kimchi would be found to have some kind of toxic effects. After all, that stuff is po-tent. But I never expected THIS.
Maybe it just has lethal effects on evil things such as viruses. Yeah, that's it, kimchi has selective powers, targetting only harmful pathogens and sparing humans.

Deep Thoughts by Handywoman

I have a jumble of thoughts going through my head today, so I will be writing in vignettes. Forgive my stream of consciousness.

The other day an educator said to me, "All children have gifts. They just open them at different times in their lives." I was looking at the lady who was saying this and thinking, "You're full of it." I was also in a room full of other parents who were tilting and nodding their heads and aww-ing in response. When I think about it more, I guess she's right. I wish and pray that our girls turn out to have some nice gifts (I hope they are useful gifts and if they are gifts that are lucrative, even better). It's so exciting as parents to watch them discover these gifts and then unwrap them. (*tilt*) Awww.

Do you remember when VCRs used to cost $1000 and movies, $100 each? If you calculated the cost with inflation, that same VCR would cost $1622.64 today. People our parents' generation were seriously messed in the head. Also, growing up we had a huge-ass camcorder (also cost $1000) that we used to lug around in its hard case, which I remember being the size of a small suitcase. Funny. It's not so funny, though when you talk to other people who are younger than you and they have no idea what the hell you're talking about.

Did you ever notice how much stuff we amass. Whenever I talk to people in their 60s or older, they are always telling me how much stuff young people nowadays have. Maybe it's due to growing up during wartime when things were scarce and didn't get bought unless they had a purpose. Even though our stuff gets smaller (as in the case of the aforementioned camcorder - we now have one that fits in the palm of our hand) we need more space to store it all. We live in a 50s home and it is greatly in need of a walk-in closet. Walk-in closets are definitely an invention of the 21st century. Since when did people need a whole room to house their shoes? My mother on the other hand, was always ahead of her time. She has been collecting shoes since we immigrated to the US in the mid 70s. Ever since I was a little girl, my friends would come over and marvel at the wall of shoes in our utility room. That wall still stands today and sadly enough, many of the same shoes do too.

I was sick over the weekend and my husband was on call on Saturday, so I spent most of the day in a horizontal position. I only got up to move from the bed to the floor and grab an occasional snack. I felt so lazy, but it was fun coming up with ways to entertain the kids in a supine position. It's amazing all the things you can accomplish without even having to get up. Don't educators always say that you should get down to a child's level?

It's been drizzling all day today, so I'm here at my computer reading and cruising the internet. I'm new to blogging, so I've started linking through various blogs I know to read about other blogs they read and so on and so forth. I have A LOT of catching up to do. It's kind of interesting to me to read people's journals and dig deeper and deeper into their past to see how events unfold. This is serious time-suckage. I feel like I've stumbled upon an alternate universe where people are connected by wires and feed information back and forth, but don't see each other (I'm envisioning the matrix from the movie Matrix). Anyway, as I was rummaging, I found an interesting article from a blog of a blog I know about how particular cultures don't believe in dishwashers. So true. Whenever I'm at my MIL's and she makes dinner (once in a blue moon), I am expected to wash the dishes (never mind that I have 2 young toddlers who need supervision and one especially clingy one that needs a bit more attention from mommy). Almost immediately after I finish my last bite, my MIL usually turns to me and says, "You can just put the dishes in the dishwasher." Aside from the presumptuousness of the comment itself (I would be more than willing to help wash dishes for anyone who has taken the time to make a meal for me), what she is really saying is that I don't need to go through the trouble of washing the dishes the "real" way and can simply be a puss and throw them into that machine, which doesn't do the job as thoroughly as by hand. Even I had to be retrained by my own husband about the utility of the dishwasher and taught about the mechanics and the methodology behind what it does. The scalding hot jets of water really sold me - it's like a sterilizer. In our old place, Joe used to run the dishwasher once in a while just to clean the machine itself (after days of using it like a dishrack it gets a bit of stale standing water at the bottom). Both of us are now advocates for the DW and inevitably get into debates with my MIL about how it really does clean dishes better than by hand. No matter how many times we tell her, I can tell by the expression on her face she still doesn't believe it. Also, the funny thing is that women my age at my church have had discussions about this topic and I know people who own and use top of the line appliances for everything else, but still get out the 'ole sponge everyday. Aside from Cha who enjoys doing dishes, what is the reason for this? We need to stop the cycle of doubt and distrust of DW with our generation.

I love the rain. I know, I live in the wrong region of the country. When it does rain here in sunny California it reminds me of those days when we used to cut class in NY to bask on The Steps in the first sun of the year after many depressing months of the same gray skies and gray slush on the ground. Rain makes me feel sad, but not in a depressing way. I love the coolness of it and watching it wash over all that it touches with a clear, glistening paint. I spend most of my days upbeat and happy-go-lucky, but inside my soul longs to be melancholy. When the weather is gloomy and I feel sorrow, it's like the long awaited rain in CA and the first sun in NY after the seemingly endless winter.

Twenty

This is a tough list inspired by my sister Cha. I just love lists and would write in list form all the time, if it were acceptable.

1. When I was young... I smiled at everyone who looked my way and although I was so shy I secretly wanted to be the class clown.
2. Although I love... cooking, I can't stand all the cleaning involved after it's done. I really need a sous chef to follow me around.
3. If I had the time... I would read a lot more. Just finished Memoirs of a Geisha. Not my usual genre of reading, but I found it riveting and really opened my view of Geisha and even the Japanese culture. Of course, I will have to check out the movie this winter.
4. I almost... considered marrying the wrong guy at the age of 21. As strong as I would like to think I am, it would have drastically changed who I am forever.
5. Contrary to the belief here in the Xangaworld... what's Xanga?
6. I LIVE to... watch my children laugh and have deep conversations with my husband after the kids are down (pillowtalk).
7. I think it all started... when I met Erin in jr. high. She and I both shared a love for reading good poetry and writing deep, sorrowful poetry. My love of writing blossomed from then. I once wrote an essay about my experiences as a Korean-American and my struggle to meld the 2 cultures. It was something I wrote just for myself to get my feelings out, but one day I came to church and people were complimenting me on my "story". I had no idea what they were talking about until I opened the church's annual publication and saw a full page printed with my very private essay. DAD!!!! That was probably my first official blog.
8. I immersed myself in... studying everything under the sun. And where has it gotten me? A love and appreciation for so many things, but still no job title.
9. As some of you know... I like to savor a good beer. That was the saddest part of being pregnant/nursing, back to back. From Fall 2001 to Spring of this year I had barely a few sips of beer. Now, if there's ever an opportunity to have a beer, I take it.
10. Although I... appear to be very calm and relaxed on the outside, I have a lot of deeper tumultuous thoughts and concerns that don't come out unless you probe me or unless you read my blog. My husband is big on probing and that's why we work.
11. Besides home... there is only mom & dad's and maybe the Ritz in Maui.
12. Although I love... my house to be clean, I get so caught up in the details of organizing that I can't ever complete the task or I get too overwhelmed with getting everything perfect.
13. I LOVE... my family and friends and spending time with them. I also love making pottery, taking scenic hikes, finding good bargains, savoring good food (especially a good piece of sushi), sitting in a cozy nook and reading, knitting, making paper crafts, gardening and fixing things around the house, but I only have 24 hours in a day.
14. I actually LOVE... chopping vegetables. As a result I have pretty impressive knife skills. My weapon of choice: Santoku.
15. An overwhelming desire to do the right thing ... helps me be a better person, but also hinders me from moving on from my past mistakes.
16. My favorite books in the Bible are... Psalms, Proverbs and Romans.
17. Perhaps it's due to... my mom's impatience when asked too many questions, but I go through life making way too many assumptions and not asking enough questions.
18. I was once... a skater (board not roller), listened to punk and had hair like Robert Smith (of the Cure). I was very proud of the back because I shaved it myself and the rest hung over the top like a mop. I remember when I first debuted my do, my mom got so furious and now I can see why. What was I thinking??!?!
19. I know... I am far from being perfect, but I automatically expect perfection from everything I do.
20. I am currently learning... who I am. Since I am not that in touch with my own emotions and thoughts, I discover a lot about myself as I am writing. It's strange but I'm reading new things about myself at the same time you are.

A strong foundation

I pride myself on being raised in a simple Christian home without many of the worldly pressures that face many of today's children (especially here in Tinseltown). A few years ago, my brother, while helping me sift ingredients for 5 birthday cakes, said to me in a very puzzled way, "We grew up without having one of these (pointing to a flour sifter) and we turned out alright." I had him and poor Cha helping me make individual cake centerpieces for Abby's Dol (1 year party), but that's a whole other story.

Growing up in a small suburb of Houston, we had decent schools and were fairly sheltered from materialism, drugs and gangs. I used to think I wanted the exact same things for our children - a decent public school education, a home in a safe neighborhood that isn't pretentious, a practical car (possibly a used car, so we don't have to worry about all the dings and dents our teens will put in it). After all, Joe and I both were products of this kind of upbringing and we turned out alright. We couldn't have asked for better outcomes - we got into Ivy league schools, finished our graduate education and successfully went on to pursue our careers.

Now that we're on the other side making the decisions for our own children, it doesn't seem so straightforward. I used to have philosophical issues against gated communities and private schools, but when it's your own child's security and future at stake, the gates and the hefty private school tuition seem like smaller compromises to insure the brightest future for our offspring. Our parents, being immigrants, didn't have the choices and the luxuries that we have now, but they did give us the best opportunities they could.

Out of curiosity, Joe and I went to a private school open house last week. We set out to see for ourselves just what private schoolers were getting for all the thousands of dollars in tuition. We were pretty impressed, actually outright stunned at how starkly different it was from what we remembered from our days in public school. In high school, Joe and I both remember days when we had finished all the assignments for some class in the first 15 minutes and then spent the rest of class playing cards with our friends, in plain view of the teacher and the other students trying to complete their work. I have to admit that I loved those times, but I'm pretty sure Spades is not part of the regular curricula at private schools. Now that I'm an adult, I often regret all that time wasted at school. I thought I was so prepared for college after all my AP classes, but it was a real struggle at first to keep up with the rigor of freshman year. Well... some of the difficulty was also due in part to my competitive social schedule. I often hear much different accounts from friends who came out of private high school. Sure the girl/guy who spent all 13 years in private school whose parents probably spent over $100K on their education pre-college wound up at the same place as me, but maybe their foundation is much stronger than mine. Fortunately, my foundation is based on a strong work ethic, instilled by my immigrant parents, and their desires for me to become someone bigger than them. Being the idealist that I am, I think we could build just as strong a foundation for our children no matter what school they came out of. After all, home is the most important classroom. Still I wonder if I'm not giving my children the best and instead selling them short by sending them to a pitifully underfunded LAUSD school. For example, this private school we visited had 5-6 year olds writing short stories in complete sentences, which were grammatically correct and had correctly spelled words. In comparison, kids in LAUSD kindergartens (from the CA State Board of Education website) are expected to "distinguish letters from words", "recognize and name all upper and lower case letters", and "read simple one-syllable and high-frequency words". What a stark contrast! And it doesn't stop at Language Arts; what about the Art class where students were learning about creating Mandalas using different media and techniques, Music class where each student practiced violin and PE where they competed in sports never offered to me until I was in college?

As my brother reminded me with the flour sifter, we didn't grow up with all these luxuries and still we turned out okay. As a parent, I want our kids to have every opportunity and edge. Turning out okay doesn't seem to be enough, and certainly in today's world, it's not enough to get into Ivy League schools, not even 2nd or 3rd tier. But is that all that's important anymore? What about the value of our communities, in other cultures, in society? Children don't see class or race and sometimes even forget gender, but soon enough they will become very aware of these divisions and all the other divides that separate man from man.

A Retrospective Soul

You Are a Retrospective Soul

The most misunderstood of all the soul signs. Sometimes you even have difficulty seeing yourself as who you are. You are intense and desire perfection in every facet of your life. You're best described as extremely idealistic, hardworking, and a survivor. Great moments of insight and sensitivity come to you easily. But if you aren't careful, you'll ignore these moments and repeat past mistakes. For you, it is difficult to seperate the past from the present. You will suceed once you overcome the disappoinments in life. Souls you are most compatible with: Traveler Soul and Prophet Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Ten

Thanks, Tim for the inspiration. Here are 10 people I'd like to meet (assuming they are still alive):

1. Kim Jong Il - I wonder what makes a dictator like him tick?
2. Martha Stewart - I know she's not loved by many, but now that she's out of prison she's tougher and craftier than ever.
3. The person who standardized paper's measurements at 8.5 X 11. Why 8.5 X 11? Did you ever notice that other countries have different standard paper sizes, which always weirds me out. Now and forever my ability to write is hindered whenever the paper is not some proportion of 8.5 X 11.
4. The person who develops and perfects ice cream flavors for Double Rainbow. Oh so good and oh so perfect. That has to be the best job on the planet.
5. The people who burglarized our last home, so I can give them an earful about what I had to go through to get my stupid Naturalization certificate replaced (my only proof of citizenship) with the most inefficient bureaucracy on the planet - the United States INS Dept, now under the control of another mega-bureaucracy, the Dept of Homeland Security.
6. Arnold - Are you trying to run this state like one of your Terminator movies?
7. The people from those tribes in Africa that perform dangerous rituals of female circumcision/mutilation on young girls and facial scarring of young babies as a rite of passage into a tribe. I guess it's ignorant for me to impose my Western beliefs on these people, but what they are doing from a public health standpoint is atrocious. It also makes me thank God everyday that I didn't grow up having to go through that.
8. DeBeers, whoever you are - you are despicable. An example of capitalism with no conscience.
9. The Google guys - you do so much to make my life so much easier. If you haven't already, you need to check out Google maps and Google earth. You can even see your own backyard!
10. The inventor of the current disposable diaper with the velcro tabs - Bless you! It's my sliced bread.

Where's Flo?

Last night Joe and I had a pretty bad scare. Neither of us are planning to have any more children, although we're not 100% against the idea either. Well, let's just say "Aunt Flo" was supposed to visit me this past weekend and is without fail incredibly punctual, to the day. It is now Wednesday, and still no "Flo." I started to feel nauseous the other night and bloated and give off very peculiar gas. (Sorry to be so graphic, but if you've ever been pregnant, these are all the tell-tale signs). In my mind I'm already thinking of furniture configurations to accommodate a new baby and thinking if we have another girl, how I get to save all of my favorite dresses on the girls and get one more wear, but also visualizing scenarios of me running errands outside the house with 3 monkeys climbing all over me. I could see a look of terror and panic wash over Joe's face every time he'd check with me on the status of "Flo" since the weekend passed. Well last night we decided to take the test and make it conclusive. A bit fat negativo. And this time, there were instructions clearly marked on the outside of the package so my physician husband wouldn't have to figure out how to determine the test results, like last time (County test kits are pretty bare bones). So, we're safe for now, but that still leaves the question, where's Flo?

Candy is a legal narcotic

Happy Halloween
Originally uploaded by hyuhan.

Last night after our girls' first trick or treating venture I witnessed a transformation in my children that I've never seen before in my life. We never let our children have candy unless they are at a birthday party. Until last night, I wondered if we were too strict and what would happen if we allowed our children a very occasional indulgence from the sweets jar. After all our door-to-door candy groveling was over, each of our girls were allowed 1 lollipop from their pumpkins. The instant the sugar hit their bloodstream I felt like I was watching 2 chimpanzees behind bars at the zoo. They were climbing on top of each other, screaming, pulling, running in circles.

Other than that, our first Halloween was pretty fun and memorable. Abby and Sarah stood in amazement and excitement in front of each home with the same look on their faces as the first time we took them to Disneyland. I could tell that Abby was in heaven each time a new resident opened their door and told her she was a beautiful Mulan and proceeded to reward her with the one thing she covets in this world, which we as parents have tried to shelter her from her whole life - CANDY. Sarah just stood there, appropriately, like a cow in headlights and occasionally said "MOOOO" and "treeeet" (her way of saying trick or treat, but conveniently leaving only one choice). This afternoon I asked Abby what she thought about Halloween, she gave me a huge grin and asked me if we could do it all over again SOON.

A Big Day

Today my dear sister Cha is turning 30 (shhhh). Is it ok for me to be publishing your age, Cha? Ya growns up and ya growns up. Don't worry, I'm sure you'll still get carded with that cute face of yours. Being 30 just means that people will start taking you more seriously and treating you like you're an adult.

Today is Monday, Oct. 31, the 304th day of 2005. There are 61 days left in the year. This is Halloween. And appropriately enough, my dear mafiosa, this day in history (1912) the first gangeter film opened - The Musketeers of Pig Alley, directed by D.W. Griffith.

Today's Birthdays: Former Attorney General Griffin Bell is 87. Author Dick Francis is 85. Former Cambodian King Norodom Sihanouk is 83. Movie critic Andrew Sarris is 77. Former astronaut Michael Collins is 75. Actress Lee Grant is 74. Former CBS anchorman Dan Rather is 74. Actor Ron Rifkin is 66. Actor David Ogden Stiers is 63. Actress Sally Kirkland is 61. Singer Kinky Friedman is 61. Actress Deidre Hall is 57. Talk show host Jane Pauley is 55. Actor Brian Stokes Mitchell is 47. Movie director Peter Jackson is 44. Rock musician Larry Mullen is 44. Actor Dermot Mulroney is 42. Rock musician Mikkey Dee (Motorhead) is 42. Rock singer-musician Johnny Marr is 42. Actor Rob Schneider is 41. Country singer Darryl Worley is 41. Rap musician Adrock is 39. Songwriter Adam Schlesinger is 38. Rap performer Rob Van Winkle (formerly known as Vanilla Ice) is 37. Rock singer Linn Berggren (Ace of Base) is 35. TV host Troy Hartman is 31. Actor Eddie Kaye Thomas is 25.

Test, test. Is this mic on?

Today marks the first day of taping for our TV show. Actually, it's Kenneth's TV show, but we're the stars for the day. I feel like we just spent all morning being taped doing goofy, nonsensical stuff and now I'm really nervous about how it will all turn out. Don't laugh at us when you see footage of us folding laundry, making PB&J sandwiches and the girls hamming it up. That's what we were directed to do. I think the cameramen are at lunch laughing about us right now - they were calling Joe crotchetty and me, the foiler. I'm still not sure if those are complements or if they're just making fun of us, but they kept asking us to be more crotchetty and keep on foiling. We still have some more taping to do with Kenneth this afternoon, so it's not over yet. *Sigh* It's so hard being a celebrity (just kidding).

What I could have been

Over the past few years I've been feeling this itch to find my dream career and for some reason I've had a bit of urgency about doing it. Perhaps it's because I haven't yet learned to be content or comfortable with who I am. I spend so much time thinking about what I could be doing with my life if I wasn't just a mom and a wife. I don't really believe the "just" part, but that's how the world sometimes looks at me. In fact, if being a mom were a full time job, there are some days I think I would get fired, without severance. There are definitely other jobs I've had more success at and ones in which I didn't get quite as many complaints from my coworkers or clients. No matter how hard I try, I can't get my kids to do things I ask them to when I want them to and I can't keep the house in order even on an "easy" day.

I once had high aspirations for my life and thought I could be running for Senate, advancing health policy, curing cancer or defending the rights of immigrants who don't have a voice. Growing up, my parents pushed me and told me that I could become ANYTHING I wanted. When you hear it enough, you start to believe it. I think that's why I have such a hard time with failure and so much impatience when it comes to attaining my goals. I expect to do things right the first time and if it doesn't turn out that way, I have extreme disappointment.

Looking at my life, one might ask, what more do you want? You have 2 obedient children (for the most part), a good marriage, a California home and many more luxuries in life. I have girlfriends who aren't married and I know they pray for the things that I have. But somehow, it's not enough. As a woman, I want it all. We have so many choices that we feel that we are less of a woman if we don't strive to meet our full potential as a perfect wife, nurturing mother AND successful businesswoman/doctor/ lawyer. Instead of making a choice, women who don't have to work feel as if they need to do everything. I once read a book about male/female psychology that said that when women feel added demands on their life from home or work or both, they automatically feel as if they need to do more and then try to address everything (men are the opposite and instinctively retreat, either mentally or physically).

I know I can't do everything, because I have tried in the past and as in the world of politics, it's a zero sum game. I often doubt whether I was meant to be a stay at home mom. Some women are not and that doesn't make them poor moms. We need to have more support for each other as mothers and women. If I decide to go back to work, would you think me to be selfish and pity my children for having to spend most of their days in daycare or with a nanny. Or if my decision is to continue to stay at home, will you judge me and think me to be a simple woman with no skills outside of childbearing?

A year ago today

A year ago today
Originally uploaded by hyuhan.

HAPPY FIRST ANNIVERSARY HANK!

Seven

I can't resist. Right back at ya, Cha. Here's some mindless reading for a lazy Sunday afternoon. By the way, the responses are in no particular order.

7 things I want to do before I die:

1. Find just one career I can enjoy for the rest of my life and excel at it (and maybe try to fit in 10 or 20 of my hobbies on the side).
2. Do a triathalon and finish strong
3. Teach my girls to know God and follow Him all the days of their lives
4. Be content with my life, my flaws and the circumstances God has given me
5. Travel the world; literally, the world
6. See my girls graduate from Columbia (or Penn as a backup)
7. Study and understand the Bible from cover to cover

7 things I cannot do ... yet:

1. Endure the triathalon
2. Keep my entire house neat on a daily basis
3. Access all the info in my brain under pressure to properly take a standardized exam
4. Stand in front of a room of hundreds and command their attention
5. Accept failure
6. Do 2 or more things at once, well
7. Understand and forgive my mother-in-law

7 things that attract me to the opposite sex:

1. A person who can build and keep strong relationships among family and friends
2. Intelligence and the ability to articulate one's opinions
3. God fearing and Reformed
4. Height (the more the better)
5. Compassion for the vulnerable and the disadvantaged
6. Witty humor
7. Courage ... to do what is right or what may be disliked even if it is against one's nature.
8. Honesty and sincerity (sorry, couldn't limit it to 7)
9. And to quote Napoleon, "Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills." Just one skill, e.g. bowhunting skills, computer hacking skills, numchuck skills, etc....

7 things that I say most often:

1. I don't know
2. It's okay
3. Sheez
4. I can't handle it
5. I need to clean up
6. Right, right
7. You're killing me, Larry (you gotta be from LA to understand this one)

7 Celebrity Crushes:

1. Johnny Depp
2. Sting (since I was in elementary)
3. Jamie Oliver (I love the British lisp)
4. Benicio del Toro (mmm... Latin men, plus I just love saying his name)
5. John Cusack
6. Prince William
7. JFK Jr. (the last 2 are impossible, I know)

YEAH BAY-BEE

Astros win their first NL pennant. Nuf said. World Series here we come!

Love is a battlefield

When it comes to conflict, I am THE WORST. When I feel I am under attack, my instincts tell me to 1) flee, 2) self preserve or 3) shut down. Before I got married I didn't encounter serious conflict too much, except with my parents and usually with them all I had to do was go to tactic #1 and that usually shut everyone up. For some reason, none of these strategies are effective in marriage. The difficulty is especially magnified when you are married to someone who is comfortable with conflict and sees it as just part of a normal relationship.

The other night we had an argument that spanned about 6 hours (which is not even our record). 6 hours, that's almost a full workday. If I told you what the argument began about you would be dumbfounded. Sometimes I wish we could skip over the whole "he said, she said" and get to the end. There are two things that would make the whole conflict resolution process much more efficient: an instant replay camera and a ref. The final solution always lies somewhere in the middle of our two approaches, but that's what's most difficult because it requires both of us to change. In the end though, what we really need is love and respect for one another, and the humility and kindness of Christ. These are no light tasks - this means that every time we have an argument, I'm supposed to remember that I love this person and want the best for him (as I would for myself). It also requires that we adapt to each other's needs, nurture one another's growth, and actively work towards unifying our divisions. I think we often forget that men and women were created to enjoy marriage. We get so caught up in principle and the struggle for power that we forget that we are together in this marriage and part of the same team.