Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Love is a battlefield

When it comes to conflict, I am THE WORST. When I feel I am under attack, my instincts tell me to 1) flee, 2) self preserve or 3) shut down. Before I got married I didn't encounter serious conflict too much, except with my parents and usually with them all I had to do was go to tactic #1 and that usually shut everyone up. For some reason, none of these strategies are effective in marriage. The difficulty is especially magnified when you are married to someone who is comfortable with conflict and sees it as just part of a normal relationship.

The other night we had an argument that spanned about 6 hours (which is not even our record). 6 hours, that's almost a full workday. If I told you what the argument began about you would be dumbfounded. Sometimes I wish we could skip over the whole "he said, she said" and get to the end. There are two things that would make the whole conflict resolution process much more efficient: an instant replay camera and a ref. The final solution always lies somewhere in the middle of our two approaches, but that's what's most difficult because it requires both of us to change. In the end though, what we really need is love and respect for one another, and the humility and kindness of Christ. These are no light tasks - this means that every time we have an argument, I'm supposed to remember that I love this person and want the best for him (as I would for myself). It also requires that we adapt to each other's needs, nurture one another's growth, and actively work towards unifying our divisions. I think we often forget that men and women were created to enjoy marriage. We get so caught up in principle and the struggle for power that we forget that we are together in this marriage and part of the same team.

1 comment:

Unknown said...

Thanks for a great reminder!