I pride myself on being raised in a simple Christian home without many of the worldly pressures that face many of today's children (especially here in Tinseltown). A few years ago, my brother, while helping me sift ingredients for 5 birthday cakes, said to me in a very puzzled way, "We grew up without having one of these (pointing to a flour sifter) and we turned out alright." I had him and poor Cha helping me make individual cake centerpieces for Abby's Dol (1 year party), but that's a whole other story.
Growing up in a small suburb of Houston, we had decent schools and were fairly sheltered from materialism, drugs and gangs. I used to think I wanted the exact same things for our children - a decent public school education, a home in a safe neighborhood that isn't pretentious, a practical car (possibly a used car, so we don't have to worry about all the dings and dents our teens will put in it). After all, Joe and I both were products of this kind of upbringing and we turned out alright. We couldn't have asked for better outcomes - we got into Ivy league schools, finished our graduate education and successfully went on to pursue our careers.
Now that we're on the other side making the decisions for our own children, it doesn't seem so straightforward. I used to have philosophical issues against gated communities and private schools, but when it's your own child's security and future at stake, the gates and the hefty private school tuition seem like smaller compromises to insure the brightest future for our offspring. Our parents, being immigrants, didn't have the choices and the luxuries that we have now, but they did give us the best opportunities they could.
Out of curiosity, Joe and I went to a private school open house last week. We set out to see for ourselves just what private schoolers were getting for all the thousands of dollars in tuition. We were pretty impressed, actually outright stunned at how starkly different it was from what we remembered from our days in public school. In high school, Joe and I both remember days when we had finished all the assignments for some class in the first 15 minutes and then spent the rest of class playing cards with our friends, in plain view of the teacher and the other students trying to complete their work. I have to admit that I loved those times, but I'm pretty sure Spades is not part of the regular curricula at private schools. Now that I'm an adult, I often regret all that time wasted at school. I thought I was so prepared for college after all my AP classes, but it was a real struggle at first to keep up with the rigor of freshman year. Well... some of the difficulty was also due in part to my competitive social schedule. I often hear much different accounts from friends who came out of private high school. Sure the girl/guy who spent all 13 years in private school whose parents probably spent over $100K on their education pre-college wound up at the same place as me, but maybe their foundation is much stronger than mine. Fortunately, my foundation is based on a strong work ethic, instilled by my immigrant parents, and their desires for me to become someone bigger than them. Being the idealist that I am, I think we could build just as strong a foundation for our children no matter what school they came out of. After all, home is the most important classroom. Still I wonder if I'm not giving my children the best and instead selling them short by sending them to a pitifully underfunded LAUSD school. For example, this private school we visited had 5-6 year olds writing short stories in complete sentences, which were grammatically correct and had correctly spelled words. In comparison, kids in LAUSD kindergartens (from the CA State Board of Education website) are expected to "distinguish letters from words", "recognize and name all upper and lower case letters", and "read simple one-syllable and high-frequency words". What a stark contrast! And it doesn't stop at Language Arts; what about the Art class where students were learning about creating Mandalas using different media and techniques, Music class where each student practiced violin and PE where they competed in sports never offered to me until I was in college?
As my brother reminded me with the flour sifter, we didn't grow up with all these luxuries and still we turned out okay. As a parent, I want our kids to have every opportunity and edge. Turning out okay doesn't seem to be enough, and certainly in today's world, it's not enough to get into Ivy League schools, not even 2nd or 3rd tier. But is that all that's important anymore? What about the value of our communities, in other cultures, in society? Children don't see class or race and sometimes even forget gender, but soon enough they will become very aware of these divisions and all the other divides that separate man from man.
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2 comments:
This is something I struggle with now that I have a child. I do believe that people can receive an excellent eduation in some schools and I also think that public schools can instill a sense of community and diversity in a child that private schools lack. That being said, the more I think about the safety, security and advanced curriculum of private schools, I find myself considering sending my daughter to a private institution when the time comes. Everything really does change when you have a child. I am forced to look at the world differently now that I am responsible for her life and well being.
BTW, came here from your sister's blog.
Interesting that you mention being raised in a "simple Christian home" and yet struggle with wanting the best for your kids and what that means. Sometimes it not always easy to discern what it means to be a light into the world I suppose. I would however say that I believe private school and even high performing public schools introduce just a new set of problems. The stories you hear about kids in the high performing schools in the bay area are disturbing, and some of the people I know with the biggest demons in their closets were products of private schools... I think you hit the nail on the head though. The best thing we can give our kids is our time and attention at home rather than expecting the schools to be parents to our kids.
I would however note, we did go to the ninth snobbiest high school in America as once reported by Johnny Carson!!!! ;-)
More importantly though, we were much more well rounded than mere Spades players in HS! We expanded our horizons to include Sargent Major and other such variations....
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