The R word

Lately it's all that I see in the headlines and hear about. That is, RACE. Whether we're talking about the Don Imus controversy or the Virginia Tech shootings or even everyday relationships, race is part of the topic. We're so overly-sensitized to the topic that we're almost becoming numb and callous. It's very sad to me that after so many years of progress in this country, people still choose to simplify and rationalize behavior according to race. Take for example the horrific event that occurred yesterday in Virginia. It was announced that the alleged student was a young Korean-American man. After the Columbine shootings, the public was rushing to blame either schools or negative messages in media or society... just some reason why these seemingly normal [Caucasian] students turned down the wrong path. Virginia Tech was somehow painted as a different story. The student who committed the crime was "foreign," a "South Korean student." Never mind the fact that he has been living in the US for most of his life and is more influenced by American culture than the country which birthed him. He was obviously a very disturbed individual, whatever his race, ethinicity or standing in life. Why is it so easy for us to point a finger at race? And why is it so often the first explanation people we reach for? Instead of digging deeper to understand why people act and think differently from themselves, so often we just stop after looking skin deep.

I've been thinking about this topic as well in my daily interactions with people. In relationships, I believe we're all attracted to people who are similar to us. We may enjoy the company of a fellow musician, or a fellow artist, or we may even choose our friends based on race or class or sex or occupation. Because we're each of a particular class and race and sex and work field, we don't understand others who don't share common lifestyles and experiences. But our brains try to understand these "others" in the best way that it can, based on inferences and prejudices. It's automatic and can't be prevented. With all the increasing communication, the world almost appears to be shrinking and people seem so much more accessible. But at the same time, the world as we know it also seems to be growing larger and more complex. Because our brains are limited, and because there's no way for us to comprehend everyone within each of our constantly growing universes, it becomes necessary for our brains to categorize individuals. It's as if we are closer (at least in our knowledge of others), yet in order to touch (and truly understand) one another we have to traverse down a chasm so deep because of our prejudice, in order to get to the other side.

I know that I'm not blind to race either. I am a Korean American. I came to this country at a very young age, but my upbringing was not typical. I've experienced racism all throughout my childhood and then moved to NY where I lived closely next to people of all races, shapes and sizes. And now I live in a city so segregated that you can almost see the physical racial lines drawn on a map, much like borders of countries. Yes, I did play piano and take lessons for 11.5 years like every other Korean. And I played in orchestra - violin, of course. I did get good grades in math and even briefly studied engineering. Oh, and I did do the pre-med thing, too. I also value education highly and will probably push my girls to be overachievers. BUT, what you didn't know is that I used to skate (not roller) and listen to punk music. I used to go camping every year with my family. I enjoy savoring a good beer and cigar. I am a landscape designer (not on the Approved List of Occupational Professions for Koreans). I like old homes and even fixer-uppers. I have hairy arms and am built nothing like a Korean. I am concerned with environmental conservation and urban politics. And I've only visited Korea twice my entire life. Of course race is a part of how we live. I think we must stop fighting it; stop denying it; stop condoning the abuse of it; stop pointing to it. It's a part of who we are, but it does not define us.

I know what I'm saying is in no way deep or novel, but I think we sometimes forget to care about individuals, with all their dreams, aspirations, experiences, trials and suffering. I too forgot to care. Maybe I'm just being ideal and oversimplifying it, but I think we will only begin to see real change when we start putting ourselves in other people's shoes and making the effort to understand people for who they really are, instead of who they seem to be.