Thanks

It's finally approaching the end of 2006, and the time when my brain shuts down for vacation until sometime next February. Am I the only one who finds it hard to get it together at the end and beginning of every year? This year I am thankful for my wonderful family, in Texas and here in Cali, especially for my loving husband, whom I never tire of getting to know better. I am so blessed to be surrounded by a loving church family, full of women who I feel care for my well-being (and can party hard) and brothers who are willing to put up with our party lifestyle, an enriching year for me and the children, getting through many busy weeks filled with classes and various extracurricular activities for the girls, getting back to the Bible through BSF (Bible Study Fellowship), positive changes and more stability with Joe's job, and just being happy and healthy this year. I don't take any of it for granted and owe it all to God.

Now excuse me while I hibernate and recharge for 2007.

Happy Birthday Bro

My baby brother is now 25 years old. Happy Birthday AND congratulations on getting engaged AND on finally graduating - three big things to celebrate this year!

Here are some famous people with whom you share a birthday:

77 Berry Gordy Jr. - Motown Records founder, 70 Gary Hart - Former U.S. senator, D-Colo., 66 Bruce Channel - Singer-songwriter, 64 Paul Warfield - Football hall-of-famer, 63 Randy Newman - Singer-songwriter, 60 Joe Dante - Movie director, 57 Paul Shaffer - Bandleader (''Late Show With David Letterman''), 56 Ed Harris - Actor, 53 Michael Chertoff - Secretary of homeland security, 50 Kristine Arnold - Country singer (Sweethearts of the Rodeo), 47 Judd Nelson - Actor, 45 Alfonso Cuaron - Director (''Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban''), 44 Matt Cameron - Rock musician, 44 Jon Stewart - TV host (''The Daily Show''), 39 Anna Nicole Smith - TV personality, 38 Dawn Robinson - R&B singer, 28 Aimee Garcia - Actress (''George Lopez''), 27 Chamillionaire - Rapper, 18 Scarlett Pomers - Actress (''Reba'')

Who knew you shared so much in common with Anna Nicole Smith?

What if...

After much deliberation, Joe and I have decided to stop at 2 kids. I packed up clothes, toys and gear that the girls have outgrown and even got rid of some things, including our Pack N Play. This weekend I had a night out with the girls and some drinks. Yesterday I was feeling nausea. And now, I'm late. I got rid of baby stuff, had a night of drinking, have been feeling nauseous, and am late. What if... This is not looking good.

Highlights from home

Things that remind me to be thankful for what I have:

1. Painstakingly making peanut butter sandwiches shaped like hearts and lovingly packing them in your child's lunch box. Then being told by your child that she refuses to eat peanut butter and jelly. What child doesn't eat PB & J? Tough cookies, toots. You should be happy I'm not sending you to school with breaded chicken liver.
2. Finally making it to the end of another semester of classes and still loving what I'm doing. Tonight we have to present our final design for our projects. I'll let you know how it goes.
3. Getting my husband back after a long weekend apart. Not only was I happy that he had a good time with his friends in Vegas, I was also glad to see that he came back with the same amount of cash in his wallet as when he left.
4. Eating the most mouth-watering, sensual sushi at Katsuya last night (the raw sweet scallops were practically R-rated). Is it a sin to lust after sushi?
5. Witnessing my baby's first successful poo in the potty. [chorus sings: Hallelujah] And it was a big one. Am I glad that didn't wind up in her diaper for me to have to clean.

It's gonna be a good week. I can feel it already.

One womb, two woes

It sometimes amazes me how different my 2 girls are. Not only do they look so different (to me), their personalities couldn't be more opposite. For instance, Abby has a temper and can sometimes be impatient. Sarah is more slow to anger and although she is going through her terrible 2's, she diffuses fairly quickly. Abby is loud and bold (we know who she gets this from) and Sarah is mild and meek. Abby is outgoing and sociable, Sarah is suspicious and introverted. When Abby started school last year, she was so happy to go everyday that she barely even noticed or cared about us leaving when we dropped her off. She was like this from the first day. It amazes me how highly adaptable she is. Sarah on the other hand loved school the first week and then decided the second week that she no longer wanted to leave mommy's side anymore. For the past week or so, she has been crying and screaming when we go to drop her off (it's even worse when I'm the one leaving her). On the days she's not in school, I talk about school and prepare her for the next day she has to go. All of us, Abby included, have been hyping it up. Abby even helps me take Sarah to her classroom first, so she can see that Abby is being dropped off too. So, this morning I thought she would be better. I left ample time to allow her to adjust, and Abby helped me soothe her. She whined and fussed, and as soon as I left, she began to scream. And instead of going to her, I ran... away. As fast as I could. I did all I could to assure her that I would not leave her for long and that she would have fun, but really what more could I do? Feeling guilty, I popped my head back through the door about 5 minutes later to check back on her. Once I saw the teacher give me a wink, I knew that everything was fine. According to the teacher, within a few minutes after I left, she was playing with her friends and eating snacks. She was just putting up an act. There's one thing my girls do have in common, and that's shear drama.

Thoughts about schools

The discussion about public versus private schools is always going on in our home lately. Next year our little girl will be entering kindergarten. Interestingly, I have come from being a staunch proponent of the public school system, to a supporter of private school education, and then back to public again. From my observations, private schools generally contain children from 2 different family backgrounds: 1) those that highly value education and/or 2) those that have loads of disposable income. Public schools, on the other hand, contain a different mix: 1) those that value education as an opportunity to gain more than textbook knowledge or 2) those who don't want to be there, but don't have a choice. I want a school that contains children from both #1's, without the #2's. I am even considering becoming one of those moms that commutes almost an hour each way to send my child to school. Is this crazy? I mean, how different will the outcomes really be for my children if they attend the public school down the street, versus the prestigious (and highly academic) private school a bit farther off, versus the "ideal" school over the hills and through the traffic-filled woods? As I ponder this, I realize that our decision on where to send our child is influenced less by what the school teaches, and more by the type of peers my child will interact with. Children will all learn to read and write in their own time, but the values they pick up these formative years, those are hard to change. These values become a part of their thinking for the rest of their lives. Who I am, including my insecurities, my self-confidence, and my perception of myself in relation to the world was and is shaped by the people around me. So, to me, it makes sense to think this way. Am I thinking too much into this issue and am I trying too hard to control every unknown in my children's future? Maybe so. But this could be one of the most important decisions we make for our children, especially since, if we were to go the private school route, this could possibly be the school they attend until they leave for college. I am grateful that we have the option to send our children to private school (as long as we don't have any more unintended mishaps). The choices among the over 70 private schools in the area, however, range the whole spectrum - on one end you have the school that boasts of famous and highly esteemed alumni such as Paris Hilton, and on the other you have the earthy, "anthroposophic" school that emphasizes healthy play and artistic learning. Ultimately, I want my children to go to a school that values my child's education as a high priority and inspires them to reach their highest potential. Every parent wants the same, but how a school achieves these goals is what parents differ on the most.

Officially becoming an adult

I consider myself an adult because I have:

1. learned to set goals for myself and at least make a plan to achieve them.
2. more often tried to choose what's good for me over what I really want. And sometimes these choices have become more automatic.
3. had a relationship with someone of the opposite sex for more than a year and not killed him (yet).
4. planned a trip from start to finish and included all the essentials (I'm getting good at this one).
5. stopped getting carded by the grocery store checkout guy (even though it says they have to ask EVERYONE that looks under 36 or 37).
6. fallen out of MTV's target age group. All of a sudden in the past few years, MTV has become progressively more stupid to me.
7. developed a severe distrust and fear of teenagers.
8. made Costco my first place to shop. If Costco had a wedding registry when we were getting married, you know I'd be all over that.
9. stopped needing to get somewhere or do something ALL the time.
10. learned to savor the good things in life: such as time with those you love and time without those you love.
11. lost the desire to listen to loud music, drink excessively, and ride life-threatening roller coasters.
12. had a live baby come out of me (twice) and given all that is within me to raise them.
13. taught a child something useful.

And finally, I can now say that I've planned and executed 2 semi-formal dinner parties, one of which I planned the menu and prepared the food for as well. After 7 years of marriage, I pulled out flatware and dinnerware that I didn't think I'd ever see again. And all of a sudden I felt so different, as if all my childhood tea parties and pretend banquets had been preparing me for this moment. I know I'm already an adult, but suddenly I feel more official. I feel as if I've entered a new stage of adulthood... "formal (dinner party) adulthood."

Men are from Mars

Some of the ladies and I were talking about doing something for our husbands. Something nice. What do men want? When men think about presents for their wives, they automatically go to gadgets and electronics, things they themselves would appreciate. And when women try to find the perfect gift for their man, they think of things like massages at a spa and a nice dinner. I guess it's all part of our inability to put ourselves in the other sex's shoes. So, some of the ladies suggested a spa day for our men. What did the men come up with instead? A trip to the shooting range followed by a satisfying steak dinner. Could men and women be any more different?

Celebrity sighting

So we had our first sighting today - I mean that a random stranger recognized us while we were out and asked us if we were the couple on reDesign. It caught me off guard at first. I didn't know whether to feel embarrassed or proud. My friend Julie was there at the time and she got me thinking. She seems to think there are tons of other people out there that will recognize us, but not say anything. This thought has started to get me really self conscious. All of a sudden I see people staring at me and can't help but wonder what they're thinking and what they'll say behind our backs: "Oh snap. I saw that girl from last week's reDesign episode picking her nose." or "That guy from that show we saw is really obnoxious. He wouldn't even give us an autograph. Jerk." Will stardom change us? I hope not. Joe seems to think that it's not a big deal and that not many people really watch the show. Oh well, whatever the case, I guess I'm going to have to watch myself in public and not be so vulgar or lewd anymore.

Empty nest

I finally have the house to myself. No kids. No husband. Why? Because, starting today my youngest is in school 2 days a week. I debated about this decision for many long months. I wanted to keep her home as long as possible, but now I see the benefit of going out and making new friends, learning new things from skilled teachers, and having a daily routine (things that I couldn't give her). I fully intend to use my free time taking care of myself, doing classwork, being productive and just enjoying myself, in the hopes that this will all make me a better and happier mom. It doesn't get much better than this moment right now. I don't have the pressure of work, nor do I have the pressure of kids. Plus with Sarah halfway potty trained and Abby going into kindergarten next year, my work is almost done, right? Somehow I don't think I'm off the hook just yet, but I'm tasting the good life more and more each day, and it tastes mighty sweet.

Unfair

My bro just called me from TX and said that he's watching our reDesign episode on TV right now. And what's worse is that so is more than half of the US, not including us. We have to wait 3 more hours. This doesn't make any sense to me. This time zone thing has got to go. Those of you on Central and Eastern time, I hate you.

Girls need sisters

This weekend I got fed, and I mean in the physical, mental, spiritual and emotional sense. I just got back from a 3 day retreat with 20 ladies from our church. Sure I haven't pooped in 3 days and have averaged about 4-5 hours of sleep the last 3 nights, but how often do I get to take off from all my daily responsibilities and just enjoy the company of other women? Here's a picture from our "10-minute" hike. Fortunately, we all made it unscathed and finished with a breathtaking view of the gushing waterfall you see behind us.

We have a good group of sisters from all walks of life. We represent different careers, interests, stages of life and races. We each bring our own gifts and our own personality traits. When I think about this weekend, it reminded me of orientation week freshman year of college. We spent all hours of the day and night with each other, and in that time we learned more about one another, in a way that you can't do from just seeing each other on Sunday. That's why college friends are so special. When you've endured long talks at absurd hours of the night in your pajamas over bowls of ramen together, there's something magical that happens. Mmmm. I didn't grow up having sisters so it's always a blessing for me to get some time with ladies. Girls just need sisters.

It was also so satisfying to delve into the word and enjoy seminars led by one of the sisters from our church, who happens to be a gifted teacher and orator. We learned about our suffering and were reminded through Job and Christ's death on the cross that God truly does know and understand our suffering. And that our present suffering is also a blessing, something we endure and gladly give to the Lord we love. Amen for sisters and amen to a beautiful (yet exhausting) weekend retreat. I'm already excited for next year. I had such a good time that I didn't think too much about missing my girls. Does that make me a bad mom? But I was SO excited to see them for the first time in 3 days, and I got the biggest, tightest, warmest hugs from them, too. I was very proud of Joe for taking good care of the girls while I was gone and even handling a few extras, such as an early morning dentist's visit for the girls (first visit ever for both of them) and taking them downtown for a festival. Because I have Mr. Mom living with me, what do you say we consider making these retreats semi-annual, huh, ladies?

A toilet miracle

Late last night we had a breakthrough, a toilet miracle, you could say. Sarah came out of her bed and exclaimed that she wanted to go potty. I was highly doubtful. She has tried to come out of bed for any excuse under the sun (moon). This was probably just a ploy to not sleep. Plus, what toddler who doesn't even get peeing in the potty all of sudden catch themselves when they have an urge in the middle of the night. IMPOSSIBLE. So, not wanting to discourage her or send mixed messages, I reluctantly took her to the bathroom. But this time, something came out. PEE! I was freaking out. After we got her cleaned up after her big accomplishment, she quickly reminded me, "One jellybean, Mommy." That girl has every promise I've ever made to her etched in her brain. At first I was trying to convince her that the jelly bean was going to rot her teeth and that she would get her reward in the morning. But then I looked down at her sweet, disappointed face. She can play me like a violin. And I remembered the promise I made. No exceptions. So, I got out the jellybean and she went over to Dad to proudly tell him the good news. It's time to pull out the big girl underwear. My little girl's all growns up.

Honestly, I'm proud of Sarah and all, but inside I'm also dreading all the false alarms, rushed trips to awful public restrooms, and accidents. When I don't have to clean up another disgusting, poop-covered butt, THAT is when I'll be a free woman.

Potty training deja vu

It's been a year and half and I'm back on potty duty again. Needless to say, Patty Potty and I did not turn out to be the best of friends last time we worked together on a 6-month long project named Abby. We're back again, but this time with a new archrival: Sarah Super Soaker. Expecting that things would go more smoothly and more quickly the second time around (and also hoping that Sarah would just simply follow her sister's lead), I took a relaxed approach. With Sarah at 2 1/2 now and my growing intolerance of the morning trash drop, I've decided to get serious. I'm pulling out the big guns: stickers, jelly beans, chocolate, whatever it takes to motivate this girl. Even Abby gets an incentive if she can get her sister to go in the potty and not in her pants. Initially there was a lot of excitement over all the cool stickers and the large jar of jelly beans. The excitement has grown stale.

Last week I decided to get creative. A friend of mine told me how her son loves Cars the movie and how she made a race track with movable cars that moved forward 1 step each time he peed/had an accident. With each successful potty attempt, Lightning McQueen would advance along the racetrack, and with each accident, the opposing car would move ahead. I made a similar diagram, but modified it to Sarah's passion: Dora. If she goes pee in the potty, Dora gets to climb one step up the mountain. If she has an accident, Swiper moves up. If Dora makes it to the top of the tallest mountain before Swiper, she gets a prize. Sounds like a great concept, doesn't it? This is a great tool for a child who is interested in long-term goals, can deal with delayed gratification and is competitive. Anyone have any potty training techniques for children who can sit in poop and pee all day, have no concept of long-term goals and are not very competitive? If she ever does get motivated to pee, she will get stickers, jelly beans, big girl panties and the privilege of moving Dora (which I took great care in making) up the mountain. Open your eyes, girl! You're sitting on a goldmine! And Abby, she has now assumed the role of Swiper and revels in moving Swiper up the mountain every time Sarah wets her diaper.

Conquering Half Dome and El Capitan

Half Dome
Originally uploaded by hyuhan.

Well. Not quite. But we did conquer our first trip to beautiful, picturesque Yosemite National Park with the girls. And we did brave the steep hike to Vernal Falls. The girls even walked a large portion of the hike, which is rated "Moderately difficult." This is a major feat considering that the difficulty of those hikes in the books are not rated by preschoolers. We have two future mountaineers in the making. Yosemite is hands-down my favorite national park. I could not stop taking pictures and staring at the 360 degrees of beauty. Here are only a few highlights from our excursion.

I think my favorite moment from our 3 day trip was renting bikes and catching all the wildlife and scenery along the Yosemite valley with the girls in their little bike trailer. For Joe I think it was the thrill of being the fastest car in the park, twisting through the windy roads in a minivan (I'm sure it would have been more exhilarating in a Ferrari, but then, where would we put the kids?). For the girls, it was probably swimming at the hotel and sipping hot cocoa while watching Dora from our hotel room. It was truly a trip for the whole family to enjoy.

Update on airdate

We finally have confirmation on our airdates for our reDesign episode. It's been almost a year since we were first selected for the show and we'll finally get to see how it comes out on TV. Of course we already know how the room turns out. The room is fabulous, but I can't make any guarantees about our performance. So, for those of you who have been waiting and asking, the show will be airing 10/21 at 8PM ET/PT on HGTV.

Books in my life

I've been tagged by Helen.

1. One book that changed your life? The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down by Fadiman.
2. One book you have read more than once? Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
3. One book you would want on a desert island? The Bible. If I'm on a deserted island, you better believe that I'm going to be looking to God. Plus, the Bible is the one book that reveals something new every time you read it.
4. One book that made you laugh? Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
5. One book that made you cry? Still Life With Rice by Lee.
6. One book you wish had been written? What I Should Do With My Life and How to Do It Without Failing and With Minimal Disappointment
7. One book you wish had never been written? I don't think there's a single book that I've read that I haven't at least gleaned something from. Even poorly written or completely myopic writing teaches us something about humanity. The only book that comes to mind is this Venomous Animals book that I read when I was in elementary. It mostly consisted of life-sized, gruesome photos of venomous snakes and sea creatures. I still vividly remember the pictures and it haunts me today.
8. One book you are currently reading? My Sister's Keeper by Picoult. It's our current book club selection.
9. One book you have been meaning to read? There are so many. Next up are: In the Absence of the Sun (Lee) and Reading Lolita in Tehran (Nafisi)

By the way, totally a tangent, but I'm so happy that The Office won a much-deserved Emmy for Best Comedy.

A Prayer

It's hard to believe that already a year has passed since Katrina and almost 5 years since 9/11. I wonder sometimes if we have made enough progress. And what am I doing to aid that progress? Sometimes I feel anxious to DO something, that my prayers are not action enough. But then, I must continue to live my own life as well. And even though I still feel deep sadness, I know I must press on - I have a family to raise and a husband to support. I thank God everyday that I have at least that, when so many others still suffer their losses. I pray for God's sustaining comfort and even more healing upon his suffering children.

To know me is to love me

When my husband and I got hitched a little over 7 years ago, we had no idea what we were getting into. We knew that I was a little messy and that he was a little loud, but how could we be SO STUPID? In my mind, nothing could go wrong. When someone asked one of us a question, we knew how the other would answer. We were inseparable and absolutely perfect for each other. When you look at the person you're about to marry, you never think about the fights you're going to have and about having fights about the same annoying things for years and years. Everything looks so rosy and perfect. But sometimes, it's true, we forget to love each other. We forget about the commitment we made to each other. Add work, children and in-law pressures to the mix and you have the makings for a true underdog story. Life isn't easy and marriage is even harder. You see so many failed marriages and those that have gone sour like overly-fermented kimchi.

I don't know how people stay married without God. Without God as the center of marriage, it becomes easy for OTHER things to fall into the center: self-pride, ambition and just selfishness. And without God, if my spouse doesn't meet MY needs or fit in with my agenda, then what's the point?

In my blog, you often hear me talking about fights with Joe. Fights are a normal part of marriage and I'm just more candid about having them. Also, I have more frustration than others when it comes to fighting, because 1) I never learned how to resolve conflict before meeting Joe, 2) I am stubborn and 3) I have a bad temper. Fortunately for me, I married the preeminent conflict resolution scholar. But sometimes our problems can be magnified, because in the area of conflict resolution, we are like Bush and Kim Jong Il. I think I may be Kim Jong Il in this analogy and Joe may be Bush, but not as red-neck and definitely not as stupid. I'm sure there's a better analogy, but I can't seem to think of one right now. Anyhow, it's amazing how we overlooked this MAJOR difference when we said "I Do."

To REALLY KNOW your spouse and still love him, AND to be known and still be loved is the key to marriage. Who else knows your faults and weaknesses, your aspirations and fears, and is still there by your side to support and love you? The problem is that to really understand the other person takes an immense amount of work. In my years of marriage I have found that the most difficult aspect is communication. For some reason, when I say one thing, my husband hears something else and vice versa. I wouldn't be surprised if for every hour of interaction we had together, there were at least 4 misunderstandings. Some of these could get overlooked or unnoticed and others could cause problems down the road. So often we think the other person in the marriage wants what we want or thinks the way we think. And then we get mad because the other person doesn't react the way we expect. I started reading this book by R.C. Sproul called The Intimate Marriage, and in it Sproul challenges the reader to a test (you can try it at home): list 10 concrete things (needs/desires) on a sheet of paper that you would like your spouse to do for you. Then, on the back list 10 things you think your spouse would like you to do for him/her. Exchange papers and compare answers. If all 20 answers match, you were truly a match made in heaven. If not, then there's still room for improvement in communication.

Like a car, without regular tuneups things begin to fall apart in the relationship until the car stops going. So, this past week we had some talks and some fights about our relationship and what came out of it was so productive. We learned that we need to make time to communicate more, through talks, dates and family worship; and that we both truly want the best for each other. I know Joe loves me because he tries to be a better husband for me (with little and large sacrifices), he makes constant efforts to understand me, and he is completely devoted to me and the girls. I hope the next time we get into an argument, and unfortunately we will, I will remember these things about Joe and what we learned this week, and then try harder.

Ladies' Night, Oh What a Night

I just got back from going out with 9 other ladies from church. Sounds deceptively tame and innocent, doesn't it? We went to our favorite seedy bar in K-town, but our excuse was the chicken wings (that's the excuse guys give when they say they want to go to Hooters). Did you know that until recently I never had tong-ddak (Korean version of fried chicken)? And there is a whole other menu of Korean foods exclusively created as "bar food" and intended for consumption with alcohol. Gotta hand it to the Koreans - they know how to party AND feed you right. So, after a night of laughing our heads off and eating to our heart's content, I'm still not tired. I think I'm too wired to sleep. Lemon soju - it's a good thing. After swapping funny honeymoon stories, dating stories, and every other odd topic under the sun, we sat back in awe. I should have taken a picture of the food before we completely devoured and tore it apart. Mmmm. Why is it that Korean bars have the BEST food? Now THAT is TRUE comfort food. Hmmm. My in-laws were wondering where they should take me for my birthday and I'm tempted to request a dinner at OB Bear. Would that be too inappropriate to ask my in-laws to take me to a bar? Thanks, ladies for all the entertainment and laughs. We must do it again.

The honest truth about childbirth

There are a lot of unpleasantries that come with pregnancy and labor. A few books out there talk about some of these not-so-hot topics and actually delve into the gory details. Most don't. I love sharing my experiences, good or bad. As much as I read beforehand to prepare me for childbirth, when the time came, I still felt unprepared. "Why didn't anyone tell me about [this] or [that]?," I would say. In my mind, I can't imagine anyone not wanting to have all the information available to help prepare and make the most thoughtful decision possible. If a stranger were to stop and ask me about my experience in the delivery room, I wouldn't spare a single detail. I've learned through time that this is not always the most prudent thing to do. There are those who appreciate and want to soak up all available information and prepare for the worst. And there are those who prefer not to dwell on what could happen, and instead take each trial as it comes. For instance, I have useful advice for pregnant women about post-partum cramping and swelling (beyond anything you could imagine), massaging/stretching your perineum (as important as Kegels), scrubbing your nipples beforehand, and requesting a mirror during delivery. "What for?," you may ask. I will spare you the gory details. But, if you are able and ready to hear the truth, I am here to meet your information needs.

What I'm thinking about today

I find it very surprising that after 10 years, there is still a ridiculous amount of media attention on the JonBenet Ramsey case. And was there really someone who devoted the past 10 years to finding the killer? Wow. If only there was nearly that much effort put into the other 7-800 child homicides that occur every year. Other than the obvious (JonBenet's race, socioeconomic status and her cuteness), was there a reason why her death deserved that much more attention? With all the new developments about the JonBenet's case, I am reminded of the horrific murder that occurred almost 10 years ago and how grave my responsibility is to protect my children. There are vicious predators out there everywhere preying on weaker, innocent, vulnerable little children. When psychologists want to get to the root of adults' psychoses they ask about an individual's childhood, because that is when we form the basis for how we look at the world and our relationship to it. Each child is so fragile and so precious.

Last weekend we visited a good friend from church who just had her second child, Naomi. We have all stages of families at our church: single and available, married without kids, married with one, married with 2, married with 3 and soon, married with 4. It's just a matter of time before the number of members IN diapers outnumber those who are potty trained (including us adults).

Anyway, I find it relieving to watch experienced moms nurture their second/third/etc.. child. You see, once we've experimented on our first child and stopped obsessing over every little change/development/ Academy of Pediatrics recommendation, raising another baby becomes almost second-nature. There's less stress, less second-guessing, less anxiety and just more enjoyment. On the other hand, it's also sad because so much effort and thought was put into deliberately planning every decision of our firstborn's life. And then with our subsequent kids we're constantly cutting corners and taking shortcuts. They get leftover clothes, leftover names (we all have a name picked out for our firstborns), leftover toys, and even leftover time (the 10 minutes left after picking up and dropping off our firstborns at school, ballet class, swimming, etc.., and running errands). I'm already so relaxed and unstructured as it is, I fear that were I to have another child, s/he would come out with a name like Reef (after my favorite flip flops), run with scissors and register for the Green party. Anyway, I had a momentary lapse again after holding baby Naomi, but I assure you, there will be no more babies coming out of me.

Free babysitting

My parents just left this past week and what did we do to take advantage of all the in-home free babysitting? We went to the movies. Every night. We saw two movies in particular that were worth watching: Little Miss Sunshine and Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. As much as I mock the movie industry and all, I must admit that there is something so satisfying about a good movie. It can be so telling and so poignant. Little Miss Sunshine I think is now one of my all time favorites, but of course, I don't want to hype it up. It's a quirky movie about a middle class family and their individual quests to become a "winner." Although they're a band of misfit "losers," their story is so refreshing and uplifting, because ultimately it reminds us that it's not about winning; it's about being true to yourself. As dysfunctional as their family is, I found myself loving each of them and sensing that they truly have what it takes to make a family work. I haven't laughed so hard at a movie since Steve Carrell's last movie - 40 Year-Old Virgin. Oh, and great cast, too. If you haven't seen it yet, you should.

Talladega Nights was another movie with a surprisingly similar lesson about being true to oneself. It also reminded me a bit of the movie Cars in that Ricky Bobby, the stupid cowboy racecar driver discovers who and what are really important in life. "Shake and Bake" exemplifies the entire movie - inane and random. I think it may have been one of Will Ferrell's best performances and Sacha Baron Cohen also plays in this movie as Bobby's French, gay nemesis. Before the movie began, I saw a preview of his upcoming movie, Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, which I look forward to seeing this fall. So, if you're looking to go to the movies and don't know what to see, I'd enthusiastically recommend these two.

10 Things You Will Never Hear Me Say

After my friend Cha posted her 10 things, I had to think long and hard, because I think I've just about said it all. Instead, I kept thinking of the 10 things I WOULD say. Here are 10 phrases you will probably never hear come out of my mouth:

1. You wanna fight (seriously)?
2. Would you like me to dispose of that lizard/snake/spider/insect for you?
3. I have a craving for soondae (Korean blood sausage encased in pork intestines).
4. Does this make my boobs look too huge?
5. I need it to be hotter. MORE HEAT!
6. What I want more than anything is a pair Uggs.
7. I'd like my steak well-done please.
8. I prefer the taste and texture of fat-free foods.
9. She has a rubber vagina... oh wait, I've already said that one . I favor my left armpit.
10. I'm pregnant again.

Never say never, right?

Must see

WOW is all I can say. Thanks, Chris.

Kids and capitalism

Joe and I were sitting around the other night, relaxing and having a discussion about capitalism (If you think this is weird, you should talk to Joe about his alternative to Fantasy baseball - it's call Fantasy supreme court justices). I think we have become a bit more liberal with time - this would never have happened if we just stayed in Texas for the rest of our lives. But seriously, we were thinking about how unjust the capitalist market is. Yet we know that we couldn't stand to live in any other world. How can one person make so much money shooting a ball into a hoop, while others with "less valued" skills sit in poverty. Who designated values for such skills? Why is the value placed on skills so inequitable? Isn't it also interesting that we work so hard to teach our children the basic principles of being fair, sharing, treating others as equals, and not keeping score, yet I hardly see these principles in practice in the adult world? For instance children's sports leagues often say that they want their kids to play for fun and so they don't keep score. Is it because kids have the rest of their lives to keep score, or is it because they are trying to fool their children into thinking that this is how adults behave? You know the parents are keeping score anyway and letting their kids know who won in the end.

Once our children get that first bittersweet taste of capitalism, there's no turning back. All of a sudden things won't seem worthwhile without a prize or incentive, and equality is just a blurb in the back of an employee manual or 3 letters on the bottom corner of some letterhead. These are tough concepts for a child to understand. How do we as parents begin to translate for our children the world and how it operates, alongside our lessons of goodness and fairness? I sometimes wonder, did Trump sit down with his kids too, like the rest of us and say, "Ivanka, it's not about whether you win or lose." Doesn't that seem totally hypocritical? And why wouldn't we be satisfied with socialism? So what if we become the poorest country on the planet? At least we will all have access to healthcare and have food on our tables, and won't have poverty. I guess Marx didn't account for sin when he envisioned utopia, because in the end, isn't life all about winning? So it seems. That's when I'm thankful that my life is more than just THIS life. All my toiling is just temporary and my true satisfaction lies in the hope and life ahead in Jesus Christ.

Four years of smiles

Tonight we celebrated Abby's 4th Birthday with some of her friends. It was the largest party we've had for her yet, except for her 1st birthday, which was almost like a wedding reception (but she'll never remember it). I think in the end there were 15 kids and 7 babies (plus adults). It was almost 120 degrees today and unfortunately for our daughter she will always be stuck having summer parties. At least we were indoors. Because of the anticipated heat, this year we opted for the indoor prepackaged party, which is totally not my style, since I like to have control over every aspect of party planning. In fact, I apologize in advance to my daughters for what I will put them through on their wedding days. In the end, it was very nice. I got to enjoy the party and watch my daughter have a good time, and I didn't have to stress over planning all the activities. Oh yeah, and did I mention the scorching heat outside?!!! What did I say before about global warming? I did of course have to get involved somehow, so I made my greatest culinary creation yet - the Barbie princess cake, which consisted of a plastic Barbie on a stake, stuck into a dome shaped pink frosted cake (strawberry cake on the outside and yellow cake with pineapple in the middle). Dude, buttercream is not as easy to make as it looks. It reminded me of Abby's first birthday party, except this time I didn't have my sous chefs, Cha and my brother, to sift all my powdered sugar and flour for me.

Watching my daughter today at the party I was reminded of what an extraordinarily special girl she is. Most girls her age would be overwhelmed at a party with so many kids and activities. But not our big girl. She was so overjoyed just because all her friends were there with her to celebrate her special occasion. I can already picture her 30 years from now, entertaining crowds, mingling with ease and being surrounded with people. She was born with a love for people. As a baby she always loved to smile at strangers and talk to people everywhere we went. She actually inspires me to be more loving and open towards others. Her smile melts my heart. And she has a laugh that is so contagious. It's one of those that is so hearty that her eyes squeeze shut and head falls back from the propulsion of the laugh coming out.

We're all the same, and yet so different

Did you know that it's an unwritten protocol that wherever you are, in whatever city, Costco employees all around the world draw big smiley faces on the back of your receipt if you have a child with you? I've hit at least a dozen different Costco's from coast to coast and in Hawaii, and it's all the same. Hmmm. Another reason why I love Costco.

For the past few nights we have been catching a show on one of those sci fi channels called "The Baby Human." It's fascinating what researchers uncover about the human brain and development through testing little babies. Like, did you know that babies only 4 months old can distinguish the slight sound variations in a particular foreign language, even ones that are not spoken in their household? As they get older, they lose this ability, because the brain begins to sift out the information that it doesn't need. There is also an age (around 18 months) when children begin to distinguish the difference between themselves and others. They recognize that others may have different desires from their own. And this is also when they begin to learn how to deal with differences between themselves and others. As I was listening to this I realized, I think that I must have missed this developmental stage completely. Why is it that I have such a hard time understanding how people could act so cruelly toward others? I especially have a hard time when I have to deal directly with people who show no respect or regard for others. Instead of thinking that they may just be another individual with different opinions (who can maybe be reasoned with), I just want to abandon contact with them completely. I wouldn't call myself conceited, but I guess I do also have a hard time understanding why people wouldn't just agree with me and be like me. Like why doesn't everyone have a Costco membership? And why doesn't everyone love NY? And why doesn't everyone believe there is a God? And why doesn't everyone recycle? But seriously, this is probably the root of all my relationship issues. Maybe I'm being a bit harsh on myself. After all, don't we all have a bit of self-righteousness in us? I wonder though, why did I just completely skip that whole stage as a baby when you learn how to understand and resolve differences?

I hate heat. I don't care how much people complain about cold, snowy weather. Heat sucks. At least in the cold you can throw on more layers. In the heat, even if you go commando, you're still cooked meat. The one redeeming quality about summer: sandals and not having to wash and sort dozens of the girls' little socks. Try sorting and accounting for socks of 4 different sizes. If I have any more children, I've decided that we will all have to suck it up and wear sandals through the winter. And everyone in the family will have to agree with me on this one.

ME MEME MEME

I'm so delinquent in my writing these days. With birthday parties (our own and others') to plan and attend and the mommy bus hitting the road ever hour, there is little time for me to reflect on my life these days. As a parent, it feels like almost all my free time is spent thinking about/worrying about/planning my children's activities/schooling/future. That's why I'm thankful for my good friend CHA today, because without her I would have nothing of interest to share with you. Here's just want I needed, a new meme to start off the week.

What is your favorite word? Verdant (I also love saying the country names Cote d'Ivoire and Azerbaijan)

What is your least favorite word? Good. I use it way too often to describe my feelings, my day, my experiences. It's the first thing that jumps out of my mouth before I even give myself a chance to think. It's like an involuntary response and it's not good.

What turns you on creatively, spiritually, or emotionally? Delving into the Bible. Creatively, I would have to say good music. Emotionally, writing draws out thoughts and feelings I never knew existed.

What turns you off? Conflict. It's literally turns me off, as in total brain shutdown. I attribute this to my birthorder (being first born and raised as an only child during the majority of my childhood, until my brother came along 7 years later) and genetics (I come from a long line of conflict avoiders).

What is your favorite curse word? A$$ It's impossible for me to say without getting my whole face into it. Mine has a sort of slow Southern drawl when it comes out. Previously, I used to use "Bitch" a little too frequently. But it was always meant with the deepest respect and was only used on those I loved.

What sound or noise do you love? My children's singing. String instruments, particularly violin and cello. A simple trio will even move me to tears.

What sound or noise do you hate? Nagging. If you want something from me, just ask me nicely. Also, the sound of kids screaming. You would think I'm used to it by now, but it's still the thing that drives me insane.

What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Pastry chef

What profession would you not like to do? 1) Housekeeper/maid/janitor, 2) Telemarketer, 3) Pedicurist, 4) Proctologist, 5)Mortician, 6) Reptile handler, 7) Exterminator. Other than that, I wouldn't mind just about any other job.

If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates? Well done, my good and faithful servant.

On being Asian American and being an APA mom

Here's an interesting meme for Asian American parents.

1. I am:100% Korean-American - 100% Pusanian in fact. The little Korean that I speak is even tinged with a country accent. People can usually tell right away that I'm Korean, unless they're not attuned to the subtle differences between Asians.
2. My kids are:100% Korean-American. I'm not like one of those KA's that think their one duty is to keep their bloodline pure, but yes, I guess I did fulfill my Korean responsibility to marry Korean and produce Korean children.
3. I first realized I was APA when: the kids at preschool made fun of my small eyes and teased me with racially inappropriate and demeaning names. Mean girls start young. Also, I grew up in Texas. Let's just say that people there are not the most accommodating and tolerant.
4. People think my name is: unique. Even though anyone who can read at a second grade level should be able to pronounce it, people look at my name and just give up. I wanted to say to every teacher, each year on the first day of school, "It's pronounced the way it's spelled, moron." Now that I have a 2-syllable last name which has almost all the same letters in it as my first name, it sounds really confusing. It's like the Asian version of Sirhan Sirhan. I used to wish my whole life that I had a normal "American" name, but now my name is me and I would never dream of changing it.
5. The family tradition I most want to pass on is: roadtripping, particularly on trips that involve nature and camping. As much as I love big cities, I need to be within a reasonable driving distance to non-manmade nature. My dad has always been an avid roadtripper. The only change I've made to the tradition is to have accommodations and reservations made in advance before hitting the road and not try to cram in so many sites in one excursion. We really didn't have a lot of family traditions growing up because all of our extended relatives live in Korea, but what we did have growing up was a strong sense that we needed to stick together.
6. The family tradition I least want to pass on is: that darn hot-blooded Korean temper. And pushing my children to become piano prodigies by age 5.
7. My child's first word in English was: ??? I think it was mom. For some reason she has never called me "umma" (mom for Korean), but only calls dad "appa."
8. My child's first non-English word was: Appa. But it was not used in reference to dad. Joe went away for a week when Abby was 6 months and she kept calling for "appa." We were so amazed that she recognized that her appa was gone and was calling for him, until dad came back home a week later and she stared at him like a common stranger off the street.
9. The non-English word/phrase most used in my home is: meh-meh hakah? So sad. I can't believe the most common Korean phrase used is one that has to do with punishment. Actually, the kids use it more than I do on each other as a way to threaten each other when there's a dispute.
10. One thing I love about being an APA parent is: that we get the best of both worlds. We get to take the good from our Korean and our American cultures and hand them to our children in the form of traditions and values. Also, since there is no protocol for Korean American traditions, we get to pick and choose and make it up as we go along.
11. One thing I hate about being an APA parent is: that I'm still confused sometimes about what is best, the Korean way or the American way. The Korean way stresses the importance of depending on your family and placing family first, while the American way focuses on the individual and gaining more and more independence. I want both for my children, but making sense of two opposing cultures can sometimes be stressful. On top of that we also have the added pressure to preserve our culture and language and pass it onto our children.
12. The best thing about being part of an APA family is: The strong sense of family. It can sometimes be like an idol and can come with a lot of expectations, but there are a lot of rewards - for instance, undying loyalty and faithfulness. I went to Korea by myself after almost 20 years (I was an infant the last time I was there), yet my family was still family and loved and took care of me as if I had known them forever.
13. The worst thing about being part of an APA family is: The expectations that the older generation can sometimes have upon us. But somehow I think this may be a universal truth. The mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship is doomed to fail in Korean culture. The MIL, the matriarch of the family, tends to have unrealistic expectations of her son and DIL. While the DIL is expected to submit to her MIL's authority. It's often hard to make sense of our two very disparate points of view.
14. To me, being Asian Pacific American means: that my actions, speech and thoughts are influenced by 2 extremely different cultures. Ultimately my nationality lies in heaven but my life is so rich with opportunities and experiences because of my dual "citizenship." I want my children to know, appreciate and be proud of their Korean culture even though they will grow up being surrounded by another culture. I also want them to know that who they are is much deeper than their skin or hair color.

Good night and good luck

Is it July already? How did summer come so fast? Are they already starting to pull out their fall merchandise at the stores? My husband just informed me the other day that the summer solstice already passed. Alas, the sun is setting earlier and earlier. And we haven't even broken out the grill yet.

All the news of looming terror threats started to get me a little anxious today. Plus it was the anniversary of the London Underground bombing. And didn't I just read something about a crazy man on the 1/9 subway attacking people with a chainsaw in Manhattan? Go away evildoers.

For the 4th we went out to dinner in K-town and had nengmyun and the most amazing paht-bingsu (it had shaved ice, paht, fruit cocktail, strawberry ice cream, fresh strawberries, fresh kiwi and tiny little marshmallow shaped dduk) with some friends, which was not very patriotic, but hey, it was freakin' hot. Plus, I asked around last week to see if other families were interested in seeing some fireworks together and I was turned down repeatedly. It must be just me, but if I know there's going to be a fireworks show, I'm there. Who can turn down fireworks? In the end we did get to see a fireworks show, because I made my husband pull over on some random street on the way home from dinner just to catch a glimpse.

That reminds me - I bought some fireworks a few weeks ago from the local Target. I figured if Target is selling them, then they must be legal, right? Well, I waited and waited and didn't hear anyone else setting anything off, so I got too chicken and didn't do it. I should just look up the local laws and figure out what they say, but who wants to set off fireworks after the 4th of July? Plus, someone will probably call the cops thinking it's a shooting or something. Really, is it just me who has a fascination with fireworks?

This week I started getting back in the dirt and working on the garden. By the way, what does is mean when you dream about your garden everyday? The 100 degree weather didn't even dissuade me. When I have things to work out, I like to work them out with a shovel and some dirt. I had a bunch of plants that I purchased earlier in the season that were still sitting in their pots, waiting to take root in the ground, but mainly what I did was replant some of the shrubs I planted last year with my dad. The afternoon sun is scorching my azaleas and gardenias. Plus, lantana should never be planted in a shady spot. What were the previous owners thinking? I need to get on another HGTV show so I can get my yard made over. Do you think America would recognize us again or get sick of us if we appeared on another show. I don't want to be another Ben Stiller or Vince Vaughn and get too overexposed.

We had some friends in town over the weekend and while they were here, they helped us set up our new fish tank. I went with our friend one day to the pet store and was advised by him to just buy the accessories at first and set up the tank, so I can let the tank circulate and get ready for the fish. I went back a few days later, and this time the guy at the store prevented me from buying fish, because he said I have to let the tank's level balance out for at least a week before I add fish (something about the pH, nitrogen, ammonia something or other). Then he gave me a pamphlet to read and highlighted important instructions, so I can be prepared and educated enough to buy a fish the next time I come back. These are $2 fish. Give me a break. Will someone please just sell me a fish? I should just get a dog. It would be easier. So, in the meantime, our lonely 25-cent goldfish is swimming around in a very spacious 5-gallon tank with lovely stone boulders and foliage. I can tell he's loving it. He just went from a studio apartment to a 5,000 sq. ft. mansion with a view.

My girls are getting so demanding lately. The other day I was lifting Abby up and she said to me, "Mommy, you're not holding me properly." Excuuuse me. Sarah's even worse. She knows that I often don't hear her the first time and has now resorted to getting my attention by yelling, "MOMMY! MOMMY! I'm talking to you!" My girls are becoming so Diva. I can hardly handle it any longer.

I started backsliding this past week and having thoughts about having a third child. Mainly because I see Abby really starting to mature into a helpful older sister and Sarah is getting a bit more independent. But what if I give birth to another Diva? I've way surpassed my Diva tolerance limit. And global warming is really starting to concern me. It's settled. No more babies.

It's late and my stories are not very coherent or connected. I apologize. 'night.

Project #36

Our home is currently being repainted. I hate picking paint colors. When we decided to paint the rooms in our last place from boring white to X colors, I agonized over the paint colors for about 6 months. In the end, we decided on 7 different colors and we finally got it painted weeks before Sarah popped out, which was good, because I was not fond of the idea of having our newborn get high on paint fumes. Because it took us so long to choose colors we both liked and that evoked the specific mood we wanted to express in each room, we naturally leaned toward the same colors again when we moved into our new, old home, which was also a blank slate with walls covered in dingy white.

So, now that we are getting the exterior painted, we thought long and hard about changing the look of our home. Would it be the cool house that makes people stop and look? Would it be the house that makes cars stop and repulses passerbyers (hopefully not)? Would it be the one that looks classic and tasteful? The house was previously painted in various shades of gray (remember we have a 50s home) and although gray would not normally sound like an attractive color, we gravitated toward gray again. You know, it's funny, but you see families that have a certain theme color - they own cars in that color and even dress in the color. We are becoming the gray family. Not only is our home being painted in 2 different shades of gray, we also own 2 cars in different hues of gray/silver. But I love our gray home. Even though the colors are relatively the same as before, the house looks like it got a facelift.

I love that we live in a 50s home. Before we moved in, only one other family lived in our place. It's heartwarming for me to imagine the kids who grew up here and played here. I'm told the owner's son used to play war with his plastic military soldiers on our massive lava rock wall. It sounds cheesy and corny, but I can physically see and feel all the love and care that went into our home. Many of the new housing developments I visit lack that character, not just because it's new and unlived in, but because there was no heart put into designing the house. I hear that older homes are built to last as well. For one thing, the lumber that was used back then was harder and taken from more mature trees. Our home has withstood earthquakes and every stage of a family's life. It's amazing that we wound up in this home, because we originally had lost it to a higher bidder. But more than a month after we thought we had lost it, we received a call that the other people backed out. What was their loss became our gain. There is an amazing amount of emotional energy that goes into a home. It's not only where we hang our hat at night, it's where we feel safe enough to rest our heads and find refuge from the heat, the rain and the cold, and where we build the majority of our memories. When we demolished our old wet bar in the family room for the show reDesign, we found an old dateplanner from April 1956 behind the boards of the old cabinet. It was like an episode of "If Walls Could Talk." I would love to sit and hear all the stories our walls would tell if only they could - about tough times after war and prosperity in the horizon, birth after birth, bad days at school, learning to ride bikes, favorite hiding places, feuds and make-ups, anniversaries and birthdays, and letting go of little hands so they can grow up.

Childhood ambition: To grow old and gray
Fondest memory: Being loved by my owners everyday
Sountrack: Crowded House
Retreat: Anywhere away from the valley heat and in the shade
Wildest dream: Be on the show Extreme Makeover: Home Edition
Proudest moment: Closing escrow
Biggest challenge: Recovering after the earthquake of '94
Alarm clock: The sprinklers
Perfect day: A barbeque on the patio on a cool summer evening
First job: Samuels' residence
Indulgence: A fresh coat of creamy, new paint
Last purchase: A fresh coat of creamy, new paint
Favorite movie: Home Alone
Inspiration: The 50s
My life: Is my family
My card: Is American Express

You take the good, you take the bad...

I'm back from THE City. She was good. She didn't change too much and she still had so much to share. Our trip was packed to the brim. Did you expect any less? I think I am BEGINNING to realize that this may not always be the best. Seven days of travel is a bit of a stretch for two toddlers, especially in the city that never sleeps. I don't know how to even begin describing the amazingly satisfying trip we lived through. In many ways this trip mirrored life - there's the good, the bad and ... the miscellaneous. So, I thought the best and most efficient way of describing our journey would be to divide it into 3 categories.

Highlights from our trip:

• Children's Museum of Manhattan - a whole floor devoted to Dora and a water play yard
• Missing my 10 yr reunion, but getting the skinny from Suzi
• POP at the Bronx Zoo - hitting all 7 major rides/exhibits at the zoo and getting our money's worth
• Picnicking at Bear Mountain, which I kept calling Big Bear because I'm from SoCal, and sharing unwanted carbs with the geese.
• Good food - Good enough to eat brunch, NY deli, Gameok (best gakktugui kimchi in the world), Vietnamese, endless Italian, and of course Cha's meatloaf
• Not wanting to grow up at the world's largest Toys R Us, riding a ferris wheel INSIDE the store, and a Barbie mansion almost as big as our home
• Exploring Central Park - John Olmstead you are a genius
• Getting my Costco fix
• Being Cha's sous chef and catching up with New Hopers
• Adult conversation after the kids were down
• Natural History Museum - what is real and what is fake?
• Horse-drawn carriage around Central Park and taking in the skyline, which poked above all the trees
• 24-hour Mac store and the kids being brainwashed by Cathy Imo
• Getting ready to go out at night at 11, just the ladies (like the good old days)
• The 1/9 train uptown
• Broadway shake, new and improved fries, and kauwfee tawk among girls
• Enjoying Cuban food overlooking the dock at South Street Seaport
• Riding the Staten Island Ferry for free. "Hey, we're in Staten Island... Ok... Hmmm... Well... Time to get back on the ferry."
• Seeing Lady Liberty

Lowlights:

• Watching half of King Kong and never getting to the part with the gorilla
• Being outnumbered and overpowered by a swarm of toddlers, and tranquilizing them with Dora
• Jenny and Jimmy's encounter with a raccoon on the Sawmill, losing a bumper and an unfortunate visit to the ER
• Crazy, cacophonic, impromptu "jazz" at the park
• Learning that I can no longer buy tokens for the subway (and getting puzzled stares from the MTA attendant)
• Crosstown traffic and ridiculous parking fees
• Missing the Zephyr
• Suffering the wrath of missed naptimes
• Taking it all off and taking everything apart at the security check with 2 toddlers in tow

Randomness:

• Being regular again after a shopping trip to Target (now I know of 3 things that can make me go: bookstores, the internet and Target)
• Meeting colonials who think they're still living in the 18th century and talk about slavery a bit too much
• Fighting off mutant sheep with ram's horns and dog's tails, sawing lumber, cleaning lavender, milking angry cows and thrashing wheat
• Learning the difference between a heifer, a cow, an ox and a bull; and witnessing an adult try to explain the concept of neutering an animal to a group of kids
• Paying money so we can be suckered into doing work, again and again; do they have child labor laws in NY?
• Getting hit on by Billy Joel
• How many NYC public workers does it take to change a lightbulb in the train station? Seven. Two to climb up the ladders, one to clip his fingernails, and four to blow their whistles when the train comes.
• Learning from Queen Latifa and LL Cool J that you have to live your life to the fullest and not waste anything.
• Gaining sage wisdom and discovering that we are all cut from different cookie cutters.

Priceless.

What is the purpose?

I've been reading a book that another mom recommended to me. I'd rather not mention the title of the book, because I'm not sure how credible the book is yet and I'm embarrassed to tell people that I'm reading a book that might possibly be bogus or completely lame. You know you do it - when you see people hanging out on the street or at the doctor's office or airport and you check to see what book they're reading, you think to yourself... "Ah, they're one of those." We grow up being taught not the judge a book by its cover, but does anyone ever remind us not to judge a person by their book? I digress.

Anyhow, in said book it goes on to mention how children at the toddler stage are very curious and how everything they do has a certain purpose. Even ripping open the packaging around a toy and taking apart mom and dad's gadgets teaches them how things are put together. Does this make me a bad parent for stifling their curiosity and their young blossoming minds, because I won't let them destroy my home? Give me a break. I still haven't figured out what kind of lessons they are learning from tantrums (the kind with flailing and kicking body parts), screaming like banshees and annoying the heck out of their sibling over and over. Perhaps they will say that they need to express their emotions fully so they can learn how far they can drive their mother to the brink of insanity and the edge of reason. Ugh. Tough week.

Ok readers, I'm off to New York for a brief vacation. I'm done packing, but I still have a million things to do. This was my day: wake up to my alarm (kids yelling "I'm hungry!"), feed the kids and the fish, sort and wash 4 loads of laundry, finish packing, weigh suitcases to make sure they are under 50 pounds, repack suitcases, make lunch, break up fights (repeat every 10 minutes), bathe sweaty kids, put kids down for naps, bake cake for mother-in-law's birthday, make frosting, messily slop on chocolate frosting while fighting off chocoholic kids, take a shower, wrap presents, create 3 handmade cards, rush to meet in-laws for dinner, fight traffic on the I-5 and arrive only 5 minutes late, drop by Costco, hang out for dessert at in-laws', put kids to bed, clean house, fold laundry, wash dishes, blog, send emails, go to bed??? A mother's job is never done. And the saga continues tomorrow: not get any sleep tonight, run errands in the morning, go to a birthday party, pick up husband and bags from home and head quickly to the airport in order to catch the 5 hour flight to NY. Please God, please let there be no traffic all day in LA. I'm still trying to figure out how I'm going to maneuver the city with my girls and a double stroller. Can it be done? Stayed tuned to find out.

Party Girl

Okay, I seem to have a reputation for being somewhat of a party girl at our church. I hope not in a bad way. Am I the only one on this earth that thinks that it's not ridiculous to drive almost 2 hours each way for a second visit to Legoland, only 6 days after our first trip? The second time was free. We just had to fill up $50 worth in gas in the Odyssey.

School's out for summer and I'm ready to hit the beach, the city and whatever else this and any other town has to dish up. Bring it. In fact, the favorite pastime in our home lately is checking travel websites. Our latest vacation featured an incredible $99 rate at the Omni in San Diego. Whenever we see a good deal, Joe and I look at each other and think, "Hmmm, how can we take a vacation so we can seize another great deal?" I guess I like to think of myself as an opportunist rather than a "party girl." A party girl is a mere hangout slut who is willing to go anywhere and do whatever it takes to have a good time. For me, having a good time involves careful planning and optimal timing. Just call me the party geek.

The only drawback to my method of having fun is that I tend to pack it in, and those who happen to be on board my crazy ride through Wonderland often get dragged behind as innocent victims with no one to hear their cries. I am changing though. For one thing, my children force me to slow down. Darn naps. As a result, I have discovered that hotels can be a vacation in and of themselves.

Our next trip will be New York. I am so excited. When I think about seeing old friends, and what I want to do and see while I'm there, I get so anxious and then the party geek in me starts to come out. What do you think, Cha? Should I bring the karaoke mic with me or not? NY and I are like old college buddies. We have a lot of memories together and my life is forever changed by knowing her. Now I want my girls to get to know her and love her the way I do. For me, places are like people. Each place expresses its own persona and its own distinct style. Even the people who live there speak to their places in a different way (like in New Yo-hk) and respond disparately to they sights, smells, sounds and feel of their place. Just look at the differences in the way people drive in CA, NY and TX. Even the slow Southern drawl or the rough NY accent personifies the people. Is it that certain places attract particular types of people or that those places produce people with certain characteristics? Maybe both are true. I grew up in Texas where the Southern hospitality rubbed off on me, but I always itched to get out and was attracted to the prospect of going to NY for college. And now? I'm kicking back on the west coast with my permed hair blowing in the sea breeze. And I'm trilingual. I speak valley girl, manhattan, and hick.

A day to remember

Memorial Day
Originally uploaded by hyuhan.

What better way is there to honor all the lives that were lost while fighting valiantly for our country than to go visit all the great historical monuments, only miniaturized and made of millions of Legos? I love Legos. Too bad they didn't have Legoland when I was growing up.

Well, after a satisfying vacation in sunny San Diego with some close families, we are back at home. The only thing better than hanging out until the wee hours of the night with good friends, beer and dried squid, is seeing your children have the time of their lives and build lasting friendships themselves. It was bittersweet as we rolled out of the driveway of the hotel. Even Abby complained that our 3 days away from home was ending way too soon. When asked how much longer she thought we should stay, she answered, "10 more minutes." It's funny how children's sense of time is all out of whack. She's always telling me stories about things that happened a long time ago, except in her mind, they happened "yesterday."

I know someday I will look back with fondness on this time that we spent with friends. And although this stage of childhood is one of the toughest on us as parents, it's one of the most blissful for our children, because they have very few cares or concerns in the world. In fact, at this stage, it doesn't take more than a cardboard box to keep a child happy. I think that's what I will cherish most about my children's childhood. There's nothing sweeter than the simple pleasures that are sought and enjoyed by a child (including a land made of Legos).

Family Ties

I think this may be the longest I've gone without writing. I had a jam packed week with my brother in town and a dreaded final to study for. It was fun and stressful all at once. We did everything from refinishing kitchen cabinets to the Getty to enjoying a day at the beach. Life is so difficult without family. God definitely put families on this earth to provide the tangible presence and support that He knows we need.

It's always good when I get to see my family, since it only happens once in a long while. Every time I see my brother, I see him less and less as my little brother, and more and more like a friend and co-conspirator. I used to doubt that my brother and I were really born from our parents, because in a lot of ways, we are so different from them (physically and mentally). The one assurance that I had that we were of the same blood was that my brother and I bear a resemblance to each other. It's amazing but he's finally come to the point in his life where he's thinking about and planning his own family. When I first heard from my mom that he is considering getting married in the next year, I was a bit concerned. Does he really know what he's doing at 24 years of age? Nevermind that I was that age when I got married. But that's different.

You don't think about it at the time, but there will be a day when you look back at your life and the years you lived without your spouse will be just a speck compared to all the time and experiences that you've shared with him/her. It's hard to imagine. Already at my ripe old age of 31, when I look back upon my youth, I realize there are only a limited number of people and memories I have that even approach in importance those that I've built together with my husband. So, choosing a spouse and lifelong partner is no small decision. Thank God I was too young to know better. If I knew what I know now, I think I would have stressed myself out over the whole prospect of marrying someone FOREVER. Years later when we discussed the possibility of having a baby, I was almost too freaked out about being someone's mom forever to have children.

So, my baby brother is thinking about getting married. His mind is set. He's in love. And I see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice. It reminds me of me, eight years ago. Although, I hear more reason and less emotion in his voice than me, but hey, I'm a woman. I think if I were to share a bit of what I've learned from my 7 years of marriage with anyone who is considering marriage, it would be that marriage is not about you, or your desires to be with someone and be fulfilled. Instead, it's about the other person standing in front of you at the altar, and how you can serve and love them as Christ did for His church. I struggle all the time to remember and live this.

Happy Mother's Day

Yes, I guess that goes for me, too. This Mother's Day for me felt more special and more "mother-y." On Friday, Abby's preschool had a tea party for the mothers. It was especially sweet because Abby presented me with a handmade card and mug that she decorated herself. She was so proud of her creations. But what struck me the most was what she said about me when she stood with her class in front of all the moms. Her teacher asked each one of the kids in her class to say something about why they love their moms. The number one answer given was "Because my mommy helps me put my shoes on." Abby's answer though was unique and it touched my heart. She said, "Because my mommy plays games with me." On one hand, you might wonder why these preschoolers are all so self-centered. Maybe Abby was the only one not saying that I help her with her shoes, because I rarely help her put her shoes on. But really, what she said made me feel special, because she was saying to me that she appreciates the time I spend with her. Maybe the decision I made to be at home wasn't so wrong after all.

I've always wondered if I would be a good mother. I've always loved playing with kids and cuddling with little babies (especially the fat Buddha babies with sausage legs and no neck), but that doesn't mean I would be a good mom. There's a lot more to mothering than hugs and kisses. There are certain qualities I lack that are keys to being a good mother:

1. Nagging: I have this innate distaste for nagging and therefore am unable to nag others. Children need to be nagged. They need that constant voice teaching them wrong from right. Because I lack the gift of nagging, my children will either have to learn from their own mistakes or get it from their dad.
2. Baby talk: Mothers have a sweet gentle nature and can often soothe their own children with their voice. When Abby was first born I had a hard time communicating with her, because I didn't know how to talk to a being who couldn't respond or understand what I was saying. Talking to a newborn is much like talking to yourself, but in a retarded cartoon voice. On top of that, I felt all kinds of stress because all the doctors and books were saying how important it is to talk to your baby. Fortunately, my kids are huge talkers despite my inability to communicate with them when they were first born.
3. The third eye (and ear): Most mothers develop a third eye and a third ear that is tuned specifically to locate their own child's whereabouts and detect his/her distinct cry. Unfortunately for my children, I have only two of each, and they can only focus on one subject at a time and are unable to operate independently of one another. Sometimes playdates with other kids and moms make me nervous, because when I'm talking to another parent, I'm not really sure where my kids are or what they're doing. I've gotten better at switching back and forth between conversations and checking on the kids, but I often have choppy dialogues as a result. For those of you who have had a playdate with me and the kids, you know what I'm talking about.
4. Mothers are good and patient teachers: When it comes to difficult people, I often throw in the towel. In those situations I think to myself, "My life is too short to be fighting with people who are unwilling to work with me or are not on my side." The exception, of course is my own children. But even then, there are countless times when I want to quit and run the opposite direction. When I go to teach Abby something new and she gets frustrated with me, I feel like saying, "Fine, stay in diapers your whole life and don't learn to swim or read or write."

In my defense, here are the skills I do possess that are useful to my job as a mother:

1. I am able to wipe up any diaper disaster, no matter how colossal, with 2 wet wipes or less.
2. I can carry more kids, bags, keys, toys, drinks and snacks on my person at once than a mule.
3. I can coordinate 2 outfits for my 2 girls, from hairpins to shoes to coordinating cardigans, in under 5 minutes. Given an extra minute, I can coordinate one girls' ensemble with the other's.
4. My freezer and pantry are so stocked that I can prepare a meal for my kids in less time than Rachel Ray, without having gone to the market in 2 weeks.
5. I can take out just about any stain, excluding permanent marker.

So, I admit, the second list of skills is not quite as important. But they are impressive, aren't they? My kids, for better or for worse, are stuck with having a different kind of mom. The amazing thing is that being a mom is teaching me more than I could probably ever teach my own kids. I just pray everyday that God will help me develop the skills to be a better mom for them, conventional or unconventional.

Culinary Adventures

YUM
Originally uploaded by hyuhan.

I decided that I don't have enough food photos on my blog site. Since I have been too busy to write, I will leave you with something to tempt your tastebuds. What you are looking at is a picture of thinly sliced tuna tartar in ponzu sauce (I think) with a tomato relish/salsa (much like ceviche), topped with a tower of paper thin sliced avocado and daikon sprouts. If you can't make it yourself, then you have to go to Katsu-ya and order it.

In remembrance

We just got back from dinner and a movie with only adults, which is rare for us. We saw United 93, which I wasn't sure I was prepared to see, but thought that I was going to have to see at some point. It was draining and intense. At the end of the movie we, along with the packed theater, were left sitting silent and stunned. Even from the very beginning of the movie I was in tears thinking about the imminent doom those innocent people would be stepping into. They were students, businessmen, retirees... just people with plans and a life to lead, like me.

We definitely haven't forgotten and the events that occurred less than 5 years ago that fateful morning still sadden us to tears. Sometimes it feels so easy to move on and forget our pain. After all, we endure the pain of labor once and are resilient enough to endure another child birth. And sometimes I'm reminded like I was today that the pain is still there. It's just worn with time and deeply embedded beneath years of war in a land that we will never truly understand. We will never really know what happened that morning in those planes, but I think United 93 helped me just a little to move on and to mourn and remember those whose lives were cut short. Like I've said before, we as humans are capable of so much love and at the same time so much destruction.

I hear Oliver Stone is working on another 9/11 film, which I'm sure will be followed by others. I'm not sure how much more I will be able to watch. Will Hollywood do justice to the thousands of lives lost that day or will it just desensitize and numb the public? I'm glad that at least this first movie didn't over dramatize the events or have much of an agenda. I felt like a helpless voyeur watching a tragic, inevitable murder.

Seven is a lucky number

Today is our seventh wedding anniversary. It's hard to believe that seven years have already passed and that I've spend almost a quarter of my life married! A lot has happened and a lot has changed over these years. Honestly, I was a bit scared as this year approached, because isn't this when psychologists say that marriages typically meet a fork in the road and when they sometimes start to unravel?

When you are young, you have such an idealized view of the world. For girls, we dream about our wedding day and about having the perfect home with our perfect husbands. I'm not trying to say that it's not like that, but what I imagined in my youth was so one-dimensional and so naive. I never realized how much work a marriage would take. It takes constant maintenance and a constant commitment to grow together. Otherwise, even the tightest couple will start to drift in separate directions. And once you drift farther and farther apart, it becomes harder to find each other again. This is what I've learned in my seven years of marriage, thanks mainly to my husband who is the glue that holds our family together.

Seven years is not a long time in the grand scheme of things. When I was a little girl turning seven, I was learning how to ride a two-wheeler, getting my ears pierced, and still discovering the world, which mainly consisted of the little cul-de-sac we lived on. In a way, I'm like that childish girl who still has a lot of learning and growing to do. I don't know what it is about seven years, but it definitely feels different and our understanding for each other and our relationship has deepened immensely. I'm just beginning to see a glimpse of what is in store for us in the future and I'm thankful everyday for our marriage and all the many things that have grown and flourished from it. Happy Anniversary, Joe.

All by myself

My husband has left me, but just for the night. The men at our church are at a retreat and are probably playing poker right now. You guys better not be staying up until 4 AM just to play poker. I can understand if it was over a game of Settlers or something. When we are apart from our spouses we become so undisciplined. Case in point - I am sitting here surfing the internet and blogging at about 1 AM and just got off the phone with a girlfriend not too long ago. What is it with men/boys? Their idea of hanging out and bonding entails 2 things: playing games and/or watching sports with other guys. Are you men afraid of a little intimacy?

*****

On another subject, I've been thinking a lot about the difference between having and not having - whether it is education, money, power, connections, or skills. Is it just me or does it seem that the difference between the "haves" and the "have nots" is getting greater and more distinct than ever before? As this happens, those with more money, influence and power tend to hoard more for themselves, leaving the "have nots" with less and less. We all want to be in the group that "has" because it's better to have choices in life than be forced to live with little or no choices. When we sit in a position of privilege, it becomes our responsibility to humanity to share our resources and our talent. But what really happens is that people take that power and use it to oppress and push others down further and further. It's happening in Sudan, it happened in Rwanda, it's happening in Iraq, it's going on in N. Korea, and it happens everywhere around the globe, including here in the U.S. between the rich and the poor. I really fear for this world every time I think about all the pain. What kind of world will our children have to face when they are my age? How do we begin to teach society to care for others? We are truly sinful creatures. This is why we constantly have to remind our children that they need to share and to think about others. It's not innate. God did put in us a desire to fellowship with others, but our sinful nature pushes us to want to be ahead in line and holds us back from truly loving our neighbors.

This is all heavy stuff that has been burdening my heart lately. Not cheery thoughts to rest your head upon. I need Joe back so I can unload some mental weight and sleep. God I pray that you please ease the suffering of the oppressed.

How well do you know me?

I started this list days ago and forgot to post it. Thanks Banana for the meme.

Jobs I've had in my life: (in no particular order)
Window person at Sonic (I don't know what the official title is)
Private tutor
Telemarketer
Sales associate at Venture
Office assistant for the Provost
Resident Advisor of a college dorm
Office assistant at a Law School financial aid dept
Waitress at a Korean restaurant
Intern for a NY Assemblyman
Ice cream scooper for Haagen Daz (again, I don't know the official title)
Lab tech at a genetics lab
Public Health Intern for a large County Public Health Dept.
Independent Public Health Consultant
Program Associate at a health foundation
Mom

Four movies I would watch over and over:

1. Ferris Bueller's Day Off
2. Napoleon Dynamite
3. Pride & Prejudice (BBC version)
4. When Harry Met Sally

Four places I have lived:

1. S. Korea
2. TX
3. PA
4. NY

Four TV shows I love to watch:

1. Lost
2. Good Eats
3. reDesign
4. Goong (Korean drama)

Four places I have been on vacation:

1. Maui
2. Moscow and Minsk
3. Yosemite
4. Disneyworld

Four of my favorite foods:

1. Korean: kimchi jigae, kalbi
2. Southern: chicken fried steak, fried chicken, TX bbq
3. Japanese: FRESH, buttery sushi
4. Thai: red and green curry, anything with that yummy garlic basil chili sauce, Pad Thai, Lad Na, Pad See-Ew

Four places I would rather be right now:

1. in a pool
2. at a beach off some tropical coast
3. hiking to the top of the Catskills or some beautiful overlook at Yosemite
4. gazing at my little ones as they are sleeping (I think I'll do that right now)

Four friends that I think will respond:

1. Helen
2. Margaret (maybe via email)
3. Jennie
4. Hopefully, you too.

Four things I always carry with me:

1. A backpack - I've tried every type of diaper bag on the market, but backpacks are the most comfortable. Mine is always stocked with diapers, wipes, wallet, keys and phone
2. Snacks and drinks to combat a potential meltdown (for both me and the kids)
3. My camera - I know I look like the stereotypical Japanese tourist always taking snapshots wherever I go, but I can't stand the thought of not capturing a cute moment from my day with the kids, or interesting architecture, or beautiful landscaping, or just anything that inspires me.
4. Sarah (who is almost always on my hip)

Talks

Lately, Joe and I have been talking a lot. About people, about our kids, about life. It's good to have someone to share thoughts with, especially during the wee hours of the night when your head is still bulging with randomness that only a true friend would understand or find interesting. Also, is it just me, or is it unsettling to keep all those thoughts trapped in your brain when you sleep? I think this is why I used to have very vivid, crazy dreams before I got married. I digress.

Lately it seems that when we have a debate/argument, it is usually followed by other discussions over the next several days (like aftershocks). I know it frustrates my husband because he would rather have it out in one sitting. Part of the reason why this happens is because I can only tolerate so much frustration in a small amount of time. If we are arguing about a topic (let's call it Exhibit A - yes we came up with a labeling system for our arguments), then I just want to focus on the topic at hand and at most maybe the major underlying argument, too.

So, we discovered a pattern in the way we communicate and reason, and determined that we often argue about completely different issues and don't realize that the other person is not following our arguments. This leads to utter and complete frustration. First, because we are not getting the response we want from the other person, and second, because it seems like the other person is either not paying attention or just being pig-headed.

Last week, after one of our aftershocks, Joe, out of frustration pulled out a piece of paper and did a brilliant thing. He proceeded to diagram our argument. I was laughing at the time, because it looked much like a play out of a play book, with lines and arrows going in different directions. It began with a simple exhibit "A" as I mentioned above, and there was also "A*," "A sub 1," and "B." I realize this is not normal, but you couples out there should try this. Hey, you gots ta do what works for you, I always say. It's amazing the amount of clarity that comes from visually seeing how your arguments intertwine or even how they never meet. Can you patent psychological theories/therapy because this is going to be a big one.

Your wish is my command

I know I am not God, but there are days that I wish that everyone would be a bit more agreeable and really.... just obey my every command. Why does everyone have so many opinions around me - my peers/colleagues (when I was working), my husband and even my own girls? I am not a very hard person to get along with, am I? I don't have a lot of complaints or make a lot of requests. I generally keep to myself. So, why can't people just give me what I want? Okay, I realize this doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

My husband and I had a debate last night about whether or not to buy a particular piece of art for our living room, which I like very much but he is neutral to, at best. I realize in the grand scheme of things that this is very trivial argument, although you wouldn't think so with the amount of discussion that was delved into about this one painting. It just happened that this was one of those things I felt emotional about and he was very ambivalent about. Is it just me, or is this one of the most frustrating things about marriage? It's just so much easier to make decisions on your own, especially in cases when the other person is going to disagree and happens to be a bit overly analytical at times. Sometimes I remember with fondness the days when I didn't have to think about checking with a spouse to make a purchase or major decision, or when my choices were not hindered by the presence of little ones. Sometimes I feel like my life is not mine. And that's when I realize God is teaching me that I'm not supposed to rely on myself and I am not in this world by myself. He gave me a partner, someone to help guide me through difficult times and decisions. And he gave me little children, to tug at my leg and remind me that this life is not about me. And he gave me His Son, to rest and find solstice in, not just when I feel weary or troubled. Thank you, Lord.

The ultimate Death

This Good Friday, we had an amazing study (as always) on the gospel of Mark. The Bible is truly an amazing book. I really must read it more diligently. We read Mark 15, which I've read many times throughout my life, but this time I saw more than just the events that unfolded at Christ's death.

1. (vv. 14-15) Barrabas, the true insurrectionist and murderer, goes free and Jesus is condemned for insurrection. In this, Jesus takes Barrabas' place and is the propitiation for his sin (a foretelling of what is to come).
2. (v. 17) He was clothed in purple and wore a crown of thorns. He was mocked as the King of the Jews. He was lifted high upon a throne, the cross. All this when the One who stood before them was and is the ultimate and eternal King. Our study leader aptly named it "the ironic coronation."
3. (v. 29) Those passing by Him mocked Him saying, "Ha! You who are going to destroy the temple and rebuild it in three days, save Yourself and come down from the cross!" Those passer-byers did not see that the One before them was higher and greater than the temple. The temple is in fact Himself and He was to die and be resurrected in 3 days.
4. (v. 31) The chief priests mocked Him, saying, "He saved others; He cannot save Himself." In fact, He DOESN'T save Himself, in order to save others and give them eternal life.
5. (v. 39) The Gentile centurion, and not one of the Jews, was the only one standing before Him that saw and believed that He truly is the Son of God.

What irony. And what a profound and beautiful message.

So Uncool

As I was reading my previous post about going to the mohgyoktahng (bath house) and thinking about this past weekend when we, along with some friends, enjoyed a bit of karaoke, I realized how I'm turning into my parents. I should have gotten the hint when I looked around the bath house and noticed the relative age of all the ladies there. And yes, I admit that it may not be the coolest thing in the world to own a karaoke machine with a library of over 3000 songs to choose from. In fact, as the adults were singing to our favorite tunes (all written before the birth of our children), our kids were pleading with us to stop singing or to get a chance themselves to sing something. I just had a flashback from my childhood of going to other Korean families' homes with my parents and dreading the incessant singing. For all that is decent and holy, please stop singing!

We are officially our parents and are officially not cool.

Cleanliness

If there is one thing I can say with certainty about Koreans, it's that they are thorough. Today a good friend agreed to watch Sarah for me while I hit the Korean bath house (thanks, Doris). I've had this horrendous pain in my neck and shoulder and am even considering acupuncture to relieve it. Almost exactly a year ago I visited my first bath house with Cha. If you can get over being completely in the buff around other women; sitting in scalding hot, boiling hot tubs; being scrubbed down to the bone while watching chunks of dead skin being sloughed off; and being massaged and scrubbed in areas of your body that are sacred between husband and wife, then this experience is for you. For a third of the price of a Western spa I had THE WORKS. I signed up for a body scrub and massage, which was possibly the hardest scrub and massage of my life. As a bonus I also had my head massaged and shampooed (why is getting a shampoo so soothing?), a cucumber mask and facial, AND I just noticed while I was relaxing in front of the TV at home that the inside of my belly button is sparkling! Now THAT'S what I call clean. Detailed clean.