Fuchsia Bling Bling

Last night I went to my night class and left my kids, finishing up their meals with Dad. At the end of the evening, I came home to a frazzled and very exhausted husband. Apparently, the kids had found my bottle of Fuchsia Bling Bling nail polish (this is the actual color name, I kid you not) and proceeded to paint themselves from head to toe. My older daughter decided to inform Dad of what was going on, but only after she made sure her toenails and fingernails had at least 2 coats. Poor Joe, trying to finish up the dishes, ran to stop any further damage and found my littlest one with a brightly painted pink face and body, and nail polish dripping on our bedroom carpet. His next step was to contain the mess and the messmakers, still wet with polish, in the bathtub where they can't get out and cause any more trouble. This way he could return to the scene of the crime and address the stains on the carpet. He comes back minutes later and the kids are having a water fight in the tub. Their clothes are drenched. Joe then scrubs their faces and any other body parts that would be exposed outside their clothes, so that Abby is at least presentable for school the next day; that is, as long as she wears long sleeves and pants. Finally, he drops them pronto into bed, for a total time of 1 hour, from start to finish.

At first I was thinking, how could this happen? And then I was reminded of all the times the kids tried to pull stunts like this on me. Since then I've learned to think one step ahead. You see, if there's more than 2 minutes of silence in the house, that means the kids are either plotting to make trouble or are in the midst of causing a catastrophe. At this point, you must drop what you're doing, haul your @$$ at light speed over to where they are, and prepare yourself for some clean-up and possible haz-mat intervention. I feel bad, but I was almost laughing at how ridiculous the situation was. It was then that I realized that as much as men (including Dads) are programmed to handle intense stress and danger, they are not equipped to deal with nail polish mishaps (hello, acetone!). At least it wasn't on my watch, and at least the kids were in bed and sound asleep when I got home.