I live for the weekend

I hope you all had a good weekend. I had a relatively relaxing, but totally satisfying few days. A couple of nights of not having to cook, some time away from the kids surrounded by beautiful scenery at my class fieldtrip, dinner at my new favorite restaurant where we spotted the Divine Miss M. (who knew Bette Midler likes Korean BBQ), and watching the first 5 episodes of Lost, FINALLY. Mama like. I just went back to Blockbuster and traded in the first disc for the next two. I'm addicted. This is totally what I was fearing. My goal is to allow no more than 1 episode per night. I had watched some episodes here and there in the past, but since I didn't watch any of the early episodes and didn't watch frequently enough to follow the characters, I couldn't really get hooked. But now with the miracle of TV on DVD, I can watch to my heart's content, all commercial-free. This is the best way to watch TV. Even though there are new episodes of Lost every week, I will wait until this season comes out on DVD to watch it. It's the only way to go, that is, for a mom with my schedule. By the way, do they ever find out what crime Kate committed? I'm sure it couldn't have been anything THAT bad. She has got to be the most gorgeous actor on TV. And what kind of mental illness Locke has? What an incredible cast! By the way, I love it when the Korean couple speaks and no one, including the TV-viewing audience, can understand because they have no subtitles. It's like this added bonus, because I know their secret language. I love the whole premise that whatever happened in your life before the crash is irrelevant now. We as people have a hard time with this, because we need to know where someone came from, their family upbringing, their birth order, their crimes, their passions, their aptitudes, etc... in order to size someone up. Wouldn't it be refreshing if we could leave our lives behind and be who we are, without our CVs and our history?

This weekend, I also finished reading Tipping Point, and found it to be incredibly enlightening. Who knew that every human brain is only able to distinguish the same finite number of categories, love a certain number of people and have a certain capacity for the number of people we know. This is all programmed in our brains and not a result of how good we are socially. There are so many applications for this type of information. For instance, I was thinking about our church and its membership, which is hovering somewhere under 150. According to the book, if we were to get any larger, divisions would naturally start forming and there wouldn't be the same close-knit community as before. It's so true - we know, at least at some level, everyone within our church and are able to go up to anyone fairly comfortably. Getting people's names straight isn't an issue yet and people are at a comfortable level where they know who to ask for help in certain situations. We are like one tribe. I like it this way.

It's the beginning of a fresh week and I think I'm finally starting to feel like I have a grip on balancing household demands, the kids and my own interests. It only took me about 3 1/2 years. I can say now that I'm at a point where my kids have a normal routine and their needs are being met, but at the same time, I have a schedule, too, and am getting what I need from the day to keep me charged and happy. Why is it then that everyone is starting to ask me again if we're going to have a third baby? What? Do I look too content and comfortable, as if I need another challenge in my life?

Fuchsia Bling Bling

Last night I went to my night class and left my kids, finishing up their meals with Dad. At the end of the evening, I came home to a frazzled and very exhausted husband. Apparently, the kids had found my bottle of Fuchsia Bling Bling nail polish (this is the actual color name, I kid you not) and proceeded to paint themselves from head to toe. My older daughter decided to inform Dad of what was going on, but only after she made sure her toenails and fingernails had at least 2 coats. Poor Joe, trying to finish up the dishes, ran to stop any further damage and found my littlest one with a brightly painted pink face and body, and nail polish dripping on our bedroom carpet. His next step was to contain the mess and the messmakers, still wet with polish, in the bathtub where they can't get out and cause any more trouble. This way he could return to the scene of the crime and address the stains on the carpet. He comes back minutes later and the kids are having a water fight in the tub. Their clothes are drenched. Joe then scrubs their faces and any other body parts that would be exposed outside their clothes, so that Abby is at least presentable for school the next day; that is, as long as she wears long sleeves and pants. Finally, he drops them pronto into bed, for a total time of 1 hour, from start to finish.

At first I was thinking, how could this happen? And then I was reminded of all the times the kids tried to pull stunts like this on me. Since then I've learned to think one step ahead. You see, if there's more than 2 minutes of silence in the house, that means the kids are either plotting to make trouble or are in the midst of causing a catastrophe. At this point, you must drop what you're doing, haul your @$$ at light speed over to where they are, and prepare yourself for some clean-up and possible haz-mat intervention. I feel bad, but I was almost laughing at how ridiculous the situation was. It was then that I realized that as much as men (including Dads) are programmed to handle intense stress and danger, they are not equipped to deal with nail polish mishaps (hello, acetone!). At least it wasn't on my watch, and at least the kids were in bed and sound asleep when I got home.

Clubbing without the dancing

Book clubs have always been curious to me - you read an assigned book and get together to discuss it without there being a grade? I am now officially part of my first one and it is not at all what I had expected. I have to admit that I was picturing something like my senior AP English or college literature classes where we sat around and discussed literary elements and writing styles and even theses. I'm sort of glad it was not that rigid. In fact, the "club" itself seems only inspired by the books we read, and more driven by the passions of the women there. Our first book discussion was about Still Life with Rice. I think the story on the whole was well told and sparked in us experiences and reflections from our own lives. For those of us who are married, it spoke to us as mothers and wives who struggle to give our families the best and meld two families into one. As singles, it spoke to us as Korean American women caught between two cultures, who struggle and live in a man's world, dictated by men's notions and standards.

It's so hard being a woman. We are always underestimated, and our worth, as much as we resist, is so tied up in being accepted according to MAN-made standards. When we go to the workplace, we are taught to think and act like men in order to excel, and when we go home, we are expected to nurture and hold the house together like a piece of carefully woven fabric. We are strong, adaptable chameleons. I'm sad to say that when I first learned I was having girls, part of me felt a bit disappointed. I knew that I would be bringing two girls into this world who would face a host of discrimination and trials based solely on their gender. I can't say what it's like to be a man, but when I compare struggles with my husband, he agrees that being a man is easier. I AM glad that we gave birth to two girls. I have so many desires and aspirations for them. I want to teach them to fight the odds, stand firm to their beliefs and find their own voice. God endowed them with unique strengths, some of which include supportive roles, but some which may also include leadership functions. Women have more power today than ever before, because the ability to succeed as a member of the human race is no longer based on physical strength, but on our mental prowess. Sure, we will always have to prove our worth and speak louder to be heard, but we are making waves.

By the way, do men have book clubs, too? My husband is willing to start a movie club if there are any takers. It doesn't sound like much of a "club" in my opinion. Anyway, I'm excited to see how our book club will evolve and how much more we will learn from one another. It's just what I needed - to stimulate my brain cells and warm my senses with the company of like-minded sisters. We are women, hear us roar.

A milestone

Pierced ear
Originally uploaded by hyuhan.

Today was a big day for Abby, because she got her ears pierced. We didn't wake up today and plan for this to happen. When we were at the mall with some of her friends she casually stopped at a shop that sells earrings and does ear piercing. When I asked Abby if she was interested in getting her ears pierced, she said without hesitation, "Yes, mommy." "Do you want to do it today?" "Uh huh," she nodded. She has been thinking about this for some time and has even brought the subject up in the past. After calling Dad and getting the okay, she picked the earrings that she wanted, which were pink gemstones, of course. I then proceeded to tell her the painful details she would have to face if she decided to go through with it. She wasn't shaken at all. She sat on my lap and the kind lady explained what she was about to do and Abby just looked up and waited. She didn't even flinch when the earring punctured her skin. After her left ear was pierced, she turned her head to allow the lady to repeat the process with the other ear. No tears, no resistance. I was so proud of her and the store attendant was shocked as well. She's only 3! It then began to hit me that my baby is no longer a baby. She's becoming a young lady and she will soon be making larger and more important decisions in her life, not just what earrings she will wear today. It was too much for me to swallow at that moment. You should have seen the look of pride on her face when she saw herself for the first time with the earrings in her ears. It was priceless.

Surf 'N Turf

I just wanted to brag about the awesome gourmet Valentine's dinner I threw together in about 30 minutes. And all this with two toddlers in the house. I think I should start a FoodTV cooking show called 30-Minute Meal with 2 Toddlers on Your Back. The menu consisted of succulent filet mignon, tender and sweet scallops with a drizzle of miso sauce (which our younger daughter kept referring to as chicken), and potato galette. If you ever want fresh tender steaks and seafood, look no further than Costco. The only problem is that I now have 3 extra steaks. We ended with chocolate-covered strawberries, which I make every Valentine's, in memory of the very first Valentine's Joe and I celebrated together as boyfriend/girlfriend. Even from the beginning he knew me well - instead of a dozen roses, he bought me a dozen chocolate-dipped strawberries. Joe, you had me at "chocolate dipped."

Happy Love Day!

I was surprised when I turned on Blue's Clues today to find that we are not celebrating Valentine's Day today, but instead "LOVE Day". How much more P.C. can we get? Is St. Valentine too Judeo Christian for everyone? First it was Christmas, now it's Valentines. What's next, Mardi Gras? Personally, I could care less. In our household, we don't celebrate the holiday, at least not the typical way. Before the kids came along, Joe used to go through the whole rigmarole of making reservations over a month in advance just so we could sit down to an overpriced, mass-produced 4-course prix fixe meal. One year, we decided to put our foot down. To us, showing love and appreciation is a daily part of life. I don't need a holiday to eat a box of chocolates or enjoy some good food. I can (and do) do that whenever I please. I am proud to say that I haven't bought a Hallmark card in over 2 years. Not that I don't have anything against the company ($4 for a piece of paper with someone's else's words on it and then sold by the millions, that's brilliant), but I'd rather make my own cards. They have more meaning and more heart. I'm starting to sound so "baaa humbug". Anyway, I do have a 3-course dinner at home planned for us, and if the kids go down early, maybe we can actually digest our food and enjoy each other's company in peace. This is my idea of a perfect Valentine's Day. I will celebrate Valentines Day today, if not only for the reason to give my husband and babies more smooches.

To Joe: Although you have a voice audible to even the deafest animals and humans, have a fiery temper and are not Mr. Fixit, I love you. I love the way you care for our girls and me like your own right arm, I love it when you crack cheesy jokes and ask immediately after, "Ya like that one?" and I love your ceaseless patience and perseverance in opening the 10-ton safe holding my inner feelings and thoughts. We have learned a lot about each other over the years and amazingly, our love continues to grow. You complement my every weakness and temper my every madness. Where would I be without you?

To my girls: Although the drama in the house has gone up ten-fold since you've been born and there are days I wish and pray for just a minute of silence, I would not be who I am today without you. Even when there were days I couldn't get up or couldn't bear to face the day, I knew you would be there, waiting, smiling, depending on me. My two biggest accomplishments were giving birth to you two. You are my reasons to smile everyday: Abby, my strong, witty, feisty, giggly Princess; and Sarah, my soft, gentle, sweet, cuddly, baby baby.

Happy Love Day, everyone.

Let's go clubbing

I couldn't resist. When I saw this, I couldn't keep it to myself. This may quite possibly be the mother of all Korean inventions. It epitomizes Korean ingenuity at its best. Sure, Koreans didn't invent the first underwear, but we sure know how to take a good idea and run with it. Already I am thinking of ways to improve the design. Low rise. Thong. Boy short. Seamless. Endless possibilities. Do you think it will ever be socially acceptable to reach down your crotch to pull out your driver's license and/or money? "License and registration? Just give me a minute, officer." Helen, you're right though, these are panties made for all those die-hard clubbers. Now, if I could only figure out a way to get to my money from under a bridesmaid's dress, so I can pay the bartender at the cash bar.

Sisters

Happy 30th Caroline
Originally uploaded by hyuhan.

Lately, it seems there has rarely been a dull moment. Our lives are filled with births and birthday celebrations. We're at the time in our lives when many of us are turning 30 and having babies, two momentous occasions in the life of a woman. Life keeps getting richer and deeper with each passing year. Sure, there are bigger trials around every corner, but there are sweeter rewards as well.

This weekend we celebrated a dear friend's 30th birthday. She is also pregnant with her second and will find out this week if it's a boy or girl. Thanks, Caroline for the deliciously entertaining evening. When a group of women who don't get the opportunity to go out without their children get together and party, there's no holding back. I don't know if it was the wonderful company, or the fact that we didn't have to shovel our food down hurriedly in order to feed our kids, or the shots of soju, or the free gehran jim (egg custard) and denjahng jigae, or all the tender and savory meats that kept coming in waves, or the satisfying cup of Korean instant coffee at the end, or the incredible service (even by non-Korean standards), but this meal was as good as any of the fancy shmancy meals I've experienced at 5 star restaurants. It was so good that our family went back again tonight for some more. And it was STILL that good. If you're in the LA area and want THE BEST Korean barbecue, cooked over charcoal at your table (sutbul), go to Chamsoogol on Olympic at 4th Ave in K-town.

Afterwards we continued the evening (2-cha) at norehbang. We sang our hearts out for TWO HOURS. Thanks, Marianne for the table dance. Remember, what happened there, stays there. Okay, so, when I got home, I felt like the two hours was not quite enough for me, so I turned on our karaoke machine and did another 2 hours, by myself. I would have shared the mic with Joe, but he did not want to participate.

Now that the celebration is over, I just have two questions:

1. I wonder if we will still get together and party like this when we're 63.
2. What happened to the birthday girl? We didn't see you at church, Caroline. Did we party too hard?
   

Innovations that will forever change the way we think and act:

1. Remote controls. This is why there is such a huge problem with childhood obesity. It's no wonder why we're all so lazy. It's because of the remote control that we now expect everything to be at our fingertips. We even get tied up in knots if we don't have the remote control at our fingertips. There are remotes for lights, stereos, fireplaces, garage doors, window blinds, and even car doors. Since when did we get so lazy that it became too hard to turn a freakin' key? What ever happened to the day when you had to get up to change the channel and even to adjust the antenna each time the channel was changed or someone moved out of their spot?
2. Speaking of which, High-Definition - that's something that I'm still looking forward to having in our home. Maybe the reason why so many adults wear glasses is because we had to strain our eyes for so many years trying to watch the old 19" tube from 12 feet away. What was the deal with UHF and VHF anyway? I still don't understand their function or the distinction between the two. Today's children will have only crystal clear picture quality, which leaves less to the imagination. I remember watching whole shows with intermittent static and having to visualize in my mind what was happening (It would have been less frustrating to listen to it on the radio).
3. MP3 players. The good old days of making mix tapes are long gone. Even the days of mix CDs are disappearing. I think I still have all 12 volumes of my specially-made "Super cool mixes." I used to pour hours into selecting the perfect songs; planning their order according to genre of music and transitions at the beginning and end; and even making sure the balance and sound was consistent on my equalizer. Now it's so easy to pull out the iPod and shuffle through the 60 G's of songs from your playlist. The art of the mix tape is gone I fear.
4. Spell check. I remember the days when I had to really study and know how things were spelled. In my day, you got marked down if you misspelled something. Word can now autocorrect your documents, making it difficult to even know if you misspelled something in the first place. What if we had to handwrite a letter? It might look something like this: "Hi their. Hows it going? I'm so embarased about mising you're berthday. Its so wierd, butt I fergot to chek the calender. Ill have to take you too that new restaraunt to selabrate. I'm gettin reddy to cook diner, but I nead to go to the market and bye a potatoe and figyer out wat I'm going too do about desert. Did you see the kidz? There all grownz up know. Bye the wey, wats up with the whether latly? Anyways, we mis you alot. Get back too me at you're liesure. Buy."
5. Google. Remember the days when we had to go to the library to get information? Researching for gems of information felt very similar to going on a treasure hunt. If your treasure chest was checked out or missing, you had to start the hunt all over again. I even remember schlepping myself to the downtown library at a very young age and learning about one-way streets for the first time. I also must have spent about a year's salary on photocopies of reference materials that couldn't be checked out. In those days, if the library was closed, you had to either make something up or go to the Encyclopedia Brittanica. Even the majority of my Masters thesis was researched at a library. Now, if I am even remotely curious about a topic, I simply google it. Information is so instantaneous. Joe and I have debates about something and then whenever we want to challenge someone's claims, we just google it to find the truth. But the downside of all this instant information is that kids don't truly understand the process and practice of research and how to solve problems on their own.
6. Worldwide web. It's amazing how the world has become much more accessible since the advent of the internet. I remember having my first telnet account freshman year of college and thinking that it was just a cool way to talk to my friends instantly, for free. I couldn't imagine all the possible uses there would be for the internet in the future. People conduct their entire businesses online. You could store all the information on your computer on the internet. Communication across the globe is available and the world appears to be moving closer to communicating in the same languages and the same currency. I remember having to get on a plane or read a book to learn about people from other cultures. In a way, the next generation will be so much more savvy and educated about the world and all its people. With all this access though, it is becoming harder to guard children from predators and from growing up too fast. They are learning earlier and earlier what they want and how to get it, but simultaneously they need to learn what is beneficial and what are consequences.
7. Cell phone/Blackberry. I was having a conversation with some college students from church and they were saying how hard it is to even go out without their parents calling them to check where they are and what they're doing. When I was in college, we had total freedom, unless you were a commuter and lived at home. For me, I was over 1000 miles away from home, so if my parents needed to reach me, they had to leave a message on my answering machine (ah, good old Rolma) and wait for me to get back to them at my convenience. I hear kids in junior high even carry cell phones in order for parents to keep track of their children's whereabouts. It's a modern convenience we can't be without, but I almost pity all the college students who are at their parents' beckon call. Turning off the phone doesn't even stop them. They will proceed to hunt you down like a bounty hunter, calling everyone they know you might possibly be out with in order to make sure you're not in trouble (I can already see myself doing this). Gone are the days when freedom truly rang.

Mars and Venus

I've been thinking about the differences between men and women quite a bit lately.

1. Joe and I had a discussion recently about how we often have misunderstandings rooted in our disparate ways of communicating. You see, he demands logic in every way, from sentence structure to thesis to conclusion. I, on the other hand, say it like it comes, straight from my brain. Unedited.
2. I only have girls and often wonder what it would be like to have a boy and if I want to raise a boy (they are truly a different breed). With boys, you have to be on guard physically, and with girls, it's all about emotional wants and needs. I don't think I'm equipped to handle both physical and emotional exhaustion at the same time.
3. We just had a playdate at our home and there were 10 kids, 5 years of age and under in our home (3 boys and 7 girls). It was very clear from that experience that boys and girls think and play differently.
4. I read 2 separate articles (one in Newsweek dated 1/30/06 and the other in Parents magazine from March) about all the fascinating neurological and genetic differences between boys and girls. For example, short-term stress improves memory in boys, but has the opposite effect on girls, which suggests that boys perform better under pressure (timed exercises and contests). Whereas female brains appear to respond better to long-term stress, which implies that girls are more resilient over the long-run. Boys also are more receptive to movement, while girls respond to colors and textures. And girls' brains are actually larger in the area that interprets events and triggers complicated feelings like sadness and empathy. Boys' brains are relatively larger in the area that handles raw, impulsive emotions like fear and anger. There's more to our differences than meets the eye.
5. Joe and I were watching a special Dateline report on sex offenders. Out of all the offenders they interviewed and caught, not a single one was a woman. Also, a friend of mine from Houston was telling me how her church's nursery has a policy that no men can change diapers in nursery; not even the father of the child. The men at that church were fully supportive, to say the least. At first I thought that sounded a bit extreme and sexist, but in actuality, you rarely ever have to be concerned about women molesting a child. This is also the reason why there's not much of a market for male nannies and why male OB/GYNs have been on a decline. Sorry to say it, but men are more prone to perversion. There's just no other explanation.
6. Reading a friend, Chie's blog triggered a hot topic in our home that still baffles me to this day: why do men spend so darn long on the porcelain throne? I can prepare a complete meal and cook a pot of rice in the time it takes Joe to go #2. I, on the other hand, went and came back in a few short minutes sometime between #2 and #3 of this blog. Is it just another tactic to get away from us women and be alone? If men's brains are more geared to action and motion, why is it that they are so slow in this area? Any theories?

Dearly Beloved,

goldfish
Originally uploaded by hyuhan.

We are gathered here to celebrate the lives and mourn the deaths of Prince and Snow White, dear, precious goldfish. In the 8 months that you shared your lives with us, you were good pets to us and I hope you enjoyed your lives with us. We're sorry we moved you around so much in the last week and probably caused you to die. In any case, you were very special to us and we will miss you sorely.

I thought about having a burial for the fish, but it just seemed a bit overboard. I've actually lost many fish in my lifetime, so 8 months is pretty good for me considering my previous record is about one week. Prince and Snow White were so healthy, because they benefited from all the hard lessons I had to learn from all my previous pets. This time around, I knew not to overfeed them, to de-chlorinate their water, to clean the filter and the water, to give them a stress-free environment with plenty of water to swim around. The girls seem to be taking it pretty well. Abby mentioned that she wants a dog next. The girl doesn't like to waste her time mourning. Sheez, give the fish a moment of silence at least, before planning their replacement. I think I may have had more of an attachment to them than they did. I was trying so hard to give them the life that I couldn't with my former fish. It was too sad (and too gross) for me to bear, so I called Joe in to clear out the bodies early this morning.

It's interesting that both fish departed on the same day. Maybe they couldn't bear to be apart from one another. We still have another fish, Nemo, who is alive and well. And actually Snow White died of natural causes, but Prince jumped bowl and was found early this morning under the girls' dresser. This reminds me of a great black and white movie I saw about a man who was in love with this woman he had admired from afar. Upon finding her he said something like this: "We are like two fish swimming around and around in a bowl. Every time we meet, it's as if we are seeing each other for the first time again."

Family Room reDesign Part VII

Close up
Originally uploaded by hyuhan.

The infamous grass cloth has gone up on the walls. It's actually not as bad as we had expected and not quite as dark as we had thought it would be. It's very textural and very interesting to look at. The brilliant thing is that the tones from the wall covering were pulled from the rock wall in the adjoining living room, the granite counters in the adjoining kitchen and the existing walnut stained wood panels, which are on half of the family room walls. The whole house makes sense now.

Construction is moving along and camera crews are dropping by on a weekly basis to check on the progress. I fear that I am starting to get stale in front of the camera. Anyone got any good tips for staying fresh and interesting on camera? The entertainment cabinet is the last bit of construction left and then the rest is icing on the cake.

There's no place like home

I just got back from a short vacation in Houston, my old stomping grounds. This is my excuse for taking such a long break from blogging. We were only there for a short while, but it was pure bliss. The only place like my home here in Cali is my home back in Texas. There's nothing like my mom's home cooking, sitting back and letting my mom spoil my kids with attention and food, catching up on the local goings-on, meeting up with old friends, and cruisin' the local scenes.

Do you ever notice how your relationships with old friends always seem to just pick up where they left off? I often wonder if I lived in the same city as all my friends, which ones I would really still stay friends with. We claim to choose our friends based upon having similar ideologies, but how much of our friendships are based upon convenience? With out-of-town friends you have to set aside time to hang out, since you don't get to see them everyday. But sometimes when you live in the same city, you just get too busy to make time for each other. Ironic, isn't it? I find it equally interesting that when we do get together with our old friends we inevitably wind up reminiscing for long hours about sweet memories we've shared together, instead of catching up on all the time we've missed while apart. How many times must we discuss the peeled shrimp at Dave & Shar's wedding back in '98, and replay the debaucherous evening afterwards at Abbey Pub?

It's amazing how much things change while you're away. Some things never change, though, such as the decor in my childhood bedroom, family routines and my baby bro. When I go back to Texas I usually spend a good deal of time at home. It's where I feel safest, because when I go out, there's a whole world that I hardly recognize. New shopping strip malls are constantly popping up all over the place. New housing developments are being built (and they're SO CHEAP - we're talking, 3000 sq. ft for a little over $200K!). New freeways are being constructed. New people are moving in or out down the street. New places to hang out and eat out are sprouting up and dying out all over town. Every time I go back and step outside my parents' home, it's as if I've time-traveled at warp speed into the future. By the way, don't plan any trips to Houston over the next few years. The whole dang city and each and every freeway is under construction, SIMULTANEOUSLY. Hello, planning! You work on ONE freeway and then move to the next. It's called traffic control.

Now that I'm back, there's so much to get ready for. While I was away, a good friend of ours had their baby. Congratulations, Julie and Leonard, who gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, David. We have a lot more work to get done on our family room, several more tapings for reDesign, the start of my landscape design classes for the semester (which begin this week), the start of a ladies book club, a new dance class for Abby, and possibly a class for Sarah and me. Now that I'm back, bring it on!