Reflections

This holiday has been a great opportunity for me to spend quality time with family and friends and even old friends I thought were long lost. I realized how much our children will need my love and support even when they are older and have their own families. Also, no matter how hard I try, our family, like all families, will somehow be dysfunctional in some way. I just have to accept it, try to teach my children how to overcome that dysfunction and hopefully they won't hate me for it later. I am still trying to resolve the dysfunction of my family so I don't inflict the same torture onto my kids (more on this at a later time). I decided old friends are too precious to just let go, especially the fun ones. I saw once again that God works in mysterious and wonderful ways to change the hearts of hard-hearted people. And right now I am basking in the love of a good friend, who to me is the sister I never had and always begged mom and dad to give me. I just have 4 more days to convince her that she lives on the wrong coast. It shouldn't be too hard, especially since she finally appreciates sushi.

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

Cinderella's mouse friend
Originally uploaded by hyuhan.

In our current modern era we are constantly finding ways to maximize our time. It's as if idle time has been deemed evil or something. But here in LA, no matter how much the residents fight to cut in line or avoid waiting, we actually spend a large portion of our lives wasting away in lines - lines at the supermarket, lines at the movies, lines on every freeway, and even lines to see freakin' Cinderella's mouse at Disneyland (total B-list supporting character). You name it, there will be a line. I sometimes wonder if all the built up tension over constantly jockeying for a place in line is going to turn into something very ugly, very soon. Anyway, this holiday was a vacation of standing in lines. We went to Disneyland on Thanksgiving and stood in every line, and on Saturday we went to Reagan library where we stood in line for at least half an hour just to buy tickets for admission and then another hour to enter Air Force One. The only redeeming experience this whole weekend was the FastPass at Disneyland. What a system - you take a ticket and come back at a scheduled time and lo and behold, no line (or a relatively short line - 10 minutes versus 100 minutes). Is there some way we could have FastPass for the freeway, too?

So, enjoy the pictures from our 11 1/2 hours at Disneyland and the very nicely designed Reagan Library (so far the best Presidential Library I've been to yet).

Stuff it

I recently found a good recipe for Southwest Cornbread & Chorizo Stuffing in Sunset Magazine. Just looking at the list of main ingredients enticed me: chorizo, onion, red bell peppers, fennel, cliantro, mushroom and butternut squash. For Margaret, and anyone else who might be interested, you should try it this week for Thanksgiving. I tested it today at the church lunch and I think it was a success. If you have a hard time finding chorizo, you can also try substituting it with spicy Italian sausage, although it won't have as much bite to it and then it won't be called Southwest Cornbread & Chorizo Stuffing anymore. Also, the serving size says, 10-12, but I think that's the case if you're having only stuffing for dinner (and you can with this stuffing). But you can always freeze the leftovers and pull it out whenever you need a side dish (that and kimchi). Just to warn you, the prep time for this dish is not short, but you can cut corners like buying pre-cut butternut squash from Trader Joe's (another one of my favorite places to shop) and ready-made cornbread. You might have to go to a higher-end market to find the fennel, but if you live in SoCal, you can find it at your local Ralph's, as I did. I guess you could substitute celery for the fennel (they are in the same vegetable family, but fennel has a more licoricy flavor), but only if you can't find fennel at all.

Since we're not having the traditional Thanksgiving dinner this year, I'm going to post some of my favorite recipes and just dream about the perfect dinner.

Being Thankful

As we approach the Thanksgiving Holiday, it's appropriate to talk about all the things that God has so generously provided.

10 things I'm grateful for that reveal my shallow worst:

1. High speed internet
2. Getting my family room remodeled by Kenneth Brown
3. The Odyssey - corners like it's on rails yet rides like a limo
4. Sippy cups and all the other kids' gadgets I get suckered into buying, but really make my life more manageable
5. The assortment of readily available, cute girls' clothes everywhere I go (This would also make my list of 10 things I'm not grateful for)
6. Maclaren double stroller - the best double stroller on the market (It corners like it's on rails yet rides like a limo)
7. Costco - the free samples, the books, the toys, the produce, the appliances, every aisle.
8. Friends that don't mind taking our kids off our hands so Joe and I can go out
9. Technology. Without it I couldn't snap digital photos of our kids all day long, call nationwide unlimited (nights and weekends), shop without leaving the house, blog, and chat online with babes all day.
10. Coupons - I don't truly feel like I'm getting a good deal unless I'm buying it with a coupon. I have been told before that I am a marketing person's dream come true.

10 things I'm genuinely grateful for:

1. Having a husband that is fully devoted to our family and balances me out
2. Our 2 sweet and funny girls
3. An upbringing full of memories I can now laugh about, and that has made me who I am.
4. Salvation and sanctification
5. My health and strength and the continued health of those I love
6. My parents and bro, who have pushed me to always be better and influenced my diabolical brain from the time of my impressionable youth.
7. All the inspiration out there, everywhere I turn - it keeps my creative juices flowing
8. Being home to experience my children and all their triumphs
9. Our church and the family of believers we have there
10. Girlfriends that get me, including Cha (who keeps feeding me these lists and always gives me something to read)

The good life

Box Seats Baby
Originally uploaded by hyuhan.

When the Staples Center opened about 6 years ago it marked the beginning of a new era for sports enthusiasts in LA.

Some Staples Center facts:
• 20,000 seats
• $400 million estimated construction costs. (approximate)
• 160 suites from 250 to 425 square feet.
• Premier Club, stadium bar limited to 200 members and $10,500 a year dues.
• The Premier Club has a private wine cellar.
• Arena Club, 500 seat restaurant.
• Premier seats, 2,500 seats.
• 15,000 sq ft marshaling area to accommodate trucks/sets
• $1.5 million sound system.
• 1,200 televisions screens in clusters throughout the building.
• 10,000 sq ft sports bar by Fox Network on the lower level.

When I heard the Staples Center was opening, I cursed its existence. It was not an arena to be enjoyed by the average Lakers’ fan. Its purpose was to entertain and cater to the elite. A large proportion of its seats are in the hundreds/thousands of dollars and are sold to high-end corporations and the rich. We went to the Staples Center for the first time tonight after being given box seat tickets to the Lakers’ game. There were of course celebrities galore (it’s LA) and the VIP section was very posh, as I had expected. Sometimes, I find myself hating the world of the rich and famous in the affluent areas of LA – from the droves of women dressed head to toe in only high end designer labels to the parade of luxury automobiles. But, I have to admit that I enjoy the good life, too. What if you had the opportunity to stay for a week at the Ritz in Maui for free, were given complimentary Lakers’ box seat tickets, and had a generous expense account to stay at 5-star hotels (all of these have happened to us)? One side of me pushes to be a good steward of the money God has given me and the prissy side enjoys the deluxe accommodations at the Ritz. I often feel like I need to justify the money I spend. After all, there are so many more worthy causes out there and so many productive things that can be done with our money. How and where does one begin to draw the line at “excess?” I have learned that where you draw this line is very relative.

There was a time that Joe and I lived in a 1-bedroom apartment and slept in a twin bed together and felt that we had everything we needed in the world. Even though we have come a long way from that humble start, we still reminisce fondly about the beginning when we owned very little, but were happy and felt like we had it all.

Family Room reDesign Part IV

Murano glass lamp
Originally uploaded by hyuhan.

Today was the equivalent of 4 regular days for me - I went to a shoot at a vintage lighting store for the show reDesign, came home and did some chores around the house, did another shoot at home and went to a Lakers' game. Pictured is the gorgeous one-of-a-kind Murano glass lamp that Kenneth and I picked out for our new family room, which is scheduled to air sometime early next year. It's kind of weird that someone like me, who is really pretty camera shy, is spending so much time in front of a camera. Actually, it feels like I'm in a long-running drama, but really most of what I'm doing for the camera will get cut in the editing room, because the show is only 30 minutes. Maybe ours will be the first show that will have a "To Be Continued." We have spent the equivalent of 2 working days on tape so far and our room hasn't even been seen by a contractor. That goes to show you how much behind-the-scenes junk that goes into a show, even a small-time cable production. Can you imagine how much footage they must shoot for a movie?!! I'm getting really excited about how the room is going to look, while Joe is getting more and more nervous, mainly because of the dark wallpaper they're going to put on the walls. This is going to be the most controversial show ever aired on HGTV, because of Joe's skepticism. The producer loves it, though. "Keep giving us more crotchety."

Firsts

Okay, I'm giving in. I debated about not doing this list for days, because it was just too embarrassing. Cha made me do it.

First best friend: Linda. She could make me do anything. I never got into Barbies growing up, but because of her, there was one year that I actually begged my mom for a Barbie. I would take my sorry looking permed-hair Barbie to play with Linda's whole Barbie family in the Barbie dream house with the pink corvette and all. She even got me to join the swim team one summer with her and I didn't even know how to swim. At all. I did a lot of swim clinics and came out "most improved" at the end of the season. Yeah... cause I could barely keep my head above water when I started.

First Car: Gray '84 Oldsmobile Delta 88 with maroon velvet interior. Sweet. It wasn't so sweet at the time. It was a BOAT. The only thing it was good for was packing in people, especially with its bench seats. I think we fit as many people in that car as we can now with our minivan. It did have amazing power and I could steer it with my pinky. There were about 3 months during its life with me that the reverse didn't work. I had to come up with clever ways to park so I would never have to use the reverse. Only once did my friends have to help push the car out for me, but it wasn't my fault. TIM! When the time came to let it go, my dad sold it for almost the same price he bought it for. Even now, if you mention that car, he will brag about how that car cost him practically nothing.

First kiss: Some random boy in my neighborhood when I was 5. After that, I went around chasing boys and trying to kiss them. I was incorrigible. That was for a very brief time, but really, most of my childhood and adolescence, I couldn't even look a boy in the eyes or hold his hand.

First big trip: The summer before junior year in HS, I went to 6 countries in less than a month with about 15 others as a High School Student Ambassador. The countries we toured were the USSR, Poland, Germany, France, Netherlands and England. This was only 1 year after the reunification of E & W Germany and the Berlin wall came down, so it was a pretty amazing experience. We were hell-raisers - can you imagine 15 pubescent teenagers in foreign countries with basically no legal drinking age and only 2 chaperones? Not good.

First flight: On New Year's Eve when I was only 2, from Seoul to somewhere in Hawaii. We landed in Houston on the first of the year and that's where we settled. Why Houston? I still ask myself that today.

First time skiing/snowboarding: I don't know why this is on the list of significant events, but the first time I went skiiing was in high school. I think I was 15 and we went on a weeklong trip to New Mexico. I got pretty good by the end of the week, while my little brother who was in 2nd grade would whiz around me by the end of the first day. I have yet to go snowboarding and can't wait to go.

First Alcoholic Drink: A beer, of course, when I was a freshman in high school. That was when I discovered I had a tolerance for alcohol.

First ticket violation: (age 16) I was on a date and cruising at a moderate speed down to Galveston and didn't realize the speed limit changed outside the Houston city limits (I was only 8 miles over the limit - damn you, Texas troopers! The officer's name was Castro, which I thought was very befitting). I was in my nicest duds on the way to the new Rainforest Pyramid and afterwards, a very fancy dinner. That was the first time I had sorbet between courses and it wasn't for dessert. Also, a huge tropical bird shat on my head at the Rainforest Pyramid and I had to wash my nicely coiffed bangs with sani-fresh.

First job: Sonic, during winter break, freshman year of college, for 3 weeks. The manager that hired me couldn't understand why an ivy-league college student wanted to work there, but I had to because my mom wouldn't get off my back until I got a job, any job. I was too good for Micky D's. I was the pleasant voice at the drive thru window. "Hello, welcome to Sonic, may I take your order?" You must try the SuperSonic jalapeno double cheeseburger, which I think I ate almost every day I worked there. Speaking of jobs, one summer while I was in college, I decided to look for a job and landed 4. I decided to accept all 4 simultaneously. I scooped ice cream for Haagen Daz, was a waitress/hostess/cook for a Korean restaurant (where I vowed never to work for Koreans ever again), handled community affairs for an Assemblyman in NY, and did office work for the Provost of my university.

First date: With the aforementioned guy I got my first ticket with. I was 16. He came and picked me up in his dad's flashy Pontiac limited edition something or other (Texas white boy car). While I was upstairs primping, my parents let him in, but only to the front foyer. They decided at that moment that he was not the boy for me and was not to be trusted.

First memory: (age 2 or 3) I have 2 early vivid memories and I'm not sure which happened first. The first one is of me being dropped off at nursery school for the first time and crapping in my pants. The other is of some neighborhood boys I wanted to impress coming down the alley and me running in the house to put every hair pin I owned (at least 10 hair accessories of varying colors and styles) in my hair to look pretty.

First True Love: My husband. Even though I have loved before, I never knew love like this before [Stephanie Mills singing in the background].

The purpose

When I started this blog, I didn't think about what it would become. I did initially think it would be an outlet for me to get my thoughts out and it would be a good forum for my friends to "talk" and check up on my goings-on. I didn't think too deeply about it, because I often choose not to think about things too much. My husband calls me compulsive, because I often make decisions that seem like I don't put much thought into them. I think I do put thought into them, but you can't hear my thoughts because they are deeply embedded in my brain. Anyway, Joe, through his skillful probing helped me discover why I find blogging fascinating. Aside from my initial reasons, I've discovered that I find deep comfort in reading about like-minded people who struggle and revel in the same things. It's not that I'm in isolation at home or don't have friends that I can relate to, but in my world it's sometimes hard to find people that think the way I do about the things that matter to me. Joe accuses me of escaping from reality and not investing in "real" relationships. Maybe I'm just different and it's comforting to me to know that there are those out there, somewhere, who share similar cares, beliefs, passions and problems. After all, how often is it that you find a bunch of people who share the same ideology, are at the same stage in life, AND live in the same area (and play well with your kids and significant other)? It's rare. It's part of our sinful nature to want to befriend only those who are similar to us; it's our comfort zone. Anyway, I value the community I've found out here in the blogging world and I cherish the quality time I have to catch up with my old friends that are not here with me, but I am also a woman of the physical world.

On a less serious note, I am officially lactose intolerant, but I think only at night (my stomach develops more sensitivities at night). Last night I came home and decided I wanted a BIG glass of milk. Big mistake. I had a TAE for hours after that. My insides were wreaking havoc on my poor little body through the night. I don't know how the human body just decides one day that it wants to reject something that it's been accepting every day in large glassfuls up until then. I hope this is not the beginning of my post-30 total body deterioration. I used to love my body. It served me well for 3 decades, with only a short list of minor illnesses (such as a handful of bouts with the flu and colds) and no major ailments. In fact, I can count the number of times I remember puking in my lifetime, on one hand. Another unique strength about my body is that I'm immune to poison ivy. I even lived with a roommate who had mono for a whole semester and I didn't get infected. And considering all the bad foods (and drinks) I fed it through my life, and the 2 healthy pregnancies it endured in a short timeframe, it proved to be extremely resilient and almost invincible. Sadly, my list is growing at a rapid rate in more recent years: lactose intolerance, random allergies to I don't know what on random days, eczema that makes me want to scrape my skin off, back problems that are especially noticeable when it's about to rain, occasional tendinitis in one arm. Please, God, I promise to be better to my body.

Cats fear

Ailurophobia. I scoff, sometimes mock, my poor husband's fear of cats. It's something that runs in his family. Whenever I see a stray cat, out and about, I make sure I point it out just to see the reaction my in-laws have. It's cruel. I know. But if you've ever seen a bunch of adults standing frozen and petrified at the sight of a cute little fluffy kitten, it's priceless. Lately, though I've been wondering if it might be a true illness. I've been noticing my 2 kids grimacing at the sight of cats and wondering if it might be something to be concerned about. I did some research. The section titled, "The True Cost of Living with Cats Fear" is interesting. After reading it several times, I still don't get it. Can't you just not own a cat and avoid cats? Maybe I'm missing something.

I have begun to wonder if our world is just becoming more and more paranoid as a result of our excess of knowledge. We as humans feel a need to label EVERYTHING in order to address it and overcome our so-called psychoses. What really happens is that we get more and more paranoid about having a clinically diagnosable medical condition and start popping pills, which have side effects, which then have to be remedied, too. Why can't we just be happy-go-lucky like cave men and women were (I don't really know if they were happy, but I assume they didn't have half as many medical problems as the current American or they just died before they could notice their conditions were significant) and just brush it off. Now we have to deal with dry mouth, sexual dysfunction and insomnia, on top of our fear of cats.

Several months ago, my husband found an ad in a magazine, which he had carefully saved for me to read. It was a pharmaceutical co. ad for some drug which purports to relieve symptoms of a condition called, Restless Legs Syndrome (RLS). Come on! Immediately, I turned to the cover of the magazine to make sure it was really a real magazine and not some trick ad that he had found or made up. Apparently, this is a legit condition and someone has even formed a foundation for its cause. There were a handful of times that I remembered my husband getting up during the night and pacing because he said his legs were restless. I usually just laughed at him and then turned over to go back to sleep. My husband was so excited to find this ad and then proudly present it to me, as if to say, "See, I'm not the only one in the world."

Crazies hate being called crazy.

Sorry

My sincere apologies for having to rid my site of all your wonderful comments. Being a novice and also neurotic about always improving myself (and my blog) means that my site will always be a work in progress. I have decided to move on to bigger and better commenting and unfortunately this means letting go of all my old comments (unless any of you out there know of a way to recover them). If you want to go back and comment on anything that was said before, feel free. I greatly value your comments and the deletion of them is merely due to the improvements that had to be made.

The Management

Happy Birthday My Love

Today is my dear husband's birthday. We have a lot to celebrate:

1. You've endured almost 20% of your living days with me (26.5% if you start counting from the moment we both felt we might be together forever).
2. I've learned the value of communication, not just with you but with every individual I come in contact. You have come to better understand people who lack communication.
3. We know how to make feisty girls together.
4. Probably tens of thousands of decisions have been made in equal partnership in our household, mainly because you demand it to be so.
5. God has been goooood to our family in every way.
6. Although our differences sometimes feel so great, our respective strengths and weaknesses make us a dynamic duo.
7. You're gonna be 40.... some day

By the way, nice outfit.

Kimchi, miracle drug

I always had this suspicion that kimchi would be found to have some kind of toxic effects. After all, that stuff is po-tent. But I never expected THIS.
Maybe it just has lethal effects on evil things such as viruses. Yeah, that's it, kimchi has selective powers, targetting only harmful pathogens and sparing humans.

Deep Thoughts by Handywoman

I have a jumble of thoughts going through my head today, so I will be writing in vignettes. Forgive my stream of consciousness.

The other day an educator said to me, "All children have gifts. They just open them at different times in their lives." I was looking at the lady who was saying this and thinking, "You're full of it." I was also in a room full of other parents who were tilting and nodding their heads and aww-ing in response. When I think about it more, I guess she's right. I wish and pray that our girls turn out to have some nice gifts (I hope they are useful gifts and if they are gifts that are lucrative, even better). It's so exciting as parents to watch them discover these gifts and then unwrap them. (*tilt*) Awww.

Do you remember when VCRs used to cost $1000 and movies, $100 each? If you calculated the cost with inflation, that same VCR would cost $1622.64 today. People our parents' generation were seriously messed in the head. Also, growing up we had a huge-ass camcorder (also cost $1000) that we used to lug around in its hard case, which I remember being the size of a small suitcase. Funny. It's not so funny, though when you talk to other people who are younger than you and they have no idea what the hell you're talking about.

Did you ever notice how much stuff we amass. Whenever I talk to people in their 60s or older, they are always telling me how much stuff young people nowadays have. Maybe it's due to growing up during wartime when things were scarce and didn't get bought unless they had a purpose. Even though our stuff gets smaller (as in the case of the aforementioned camcorder - we now have one that fits in the palm of our hand) we need more space to store it all. We live in a 50s home and it is greatly in need of a walk-in closet. Walk-in closets are definitely an invention of the 21st century. Since when did people need a whole room to house their shoes? My mother on the other hand, was always ahead of her time. She has been collecting shoes since we immigrated to the US in the mid 70s. Ever since I was a little girl, my friends would come over and marvel at the wall of shoes in our utility room. That wall still stands today and sadly enough, many of the same shoes do too.

I was sick over the weekend and my husband was on call on Saturday, so I spent most of the day in a horizontal position. I only got up to move from the bed to the floor and grab an occasional snack. I felt so lazy, but it was fun coming up with ways to entertain the kids in a supine position. It's amazing all the things you can accomplish without even having to get up. Don't educators always say that you should get down to a child's level?

It's been drizzling all day today, so I'm here at my computer reading and cruising the internet. I'm new to blogging, so I've started linking through various blogs I know to read about other blogs they read and so on and so forth. I have A LOT of catching up to do. It's kind of interesting to me to read people's journals and dig deeper and deeper into their past to see how events unfold. This is serious time-suckage. I feel like I've stumbled upon an alternate universe where people are connected by wires and feed information back and forth, but don't see each other (I'm envisioning the matrix from the movie Matrix). Anyway, as I was rummaging, I found an interesting article from a blog of a blog I know about how particular cultures don't believe in dishwashers. So true. Whenever I'm at my MIL's and she makes dinner (once in a blue moon), I am expected to wash the dishes (never mind that I have 2 young toddlers who need supervision and one especially clingy one that needs a bit more attention from mommy). Almost immediately after I finish my last bite, my MIL usually turns to me and says, "You can just put the dishes in the dishwasher." Aside from the presumptuousness of the comment itself (I would be more than willing to help wash dishes for anyone who has taken the time to make a meal for me), what she is really saying is that I don't need to go through the trouble of washing the dishes the "real" way and can simply be a puss and throw them into that machine, which doesn't do the job as thoroughly as by hand. Even I had to be retrained by my own husband about the utility of the dishwasher and taught about the mechanics and the methodology behind what it does. The scalding hot jets of water really sold me - it's like a sterilizer. In our old place, Joe used to run the dishwasher once in a while just to clean the machine itself (after days of using it like a dishrack it gets a bit of stale standing water at the bottom). Both of us are now advocates for the DW and inevitably get into debates with my MIL about how it really does clean dishes better than by hand. No matter how many times we tell her, I can tell by the expression on her face she still doesn't believe it. Also, the funny thing is that women my age at my church have had discussions about this topic and I know people who own and use top of the line appliances for everything else, but still get out the 'ole sponge everyday. Aside from Cha who enjoys doing dishes, what is the reason for this? We need to stop the cycle of doubt and distrust of DW with our generation.

I love the rain. I know, I live in the wrong region of the country. When it does rain here in sunny California it reminds me of those days when we used to cut class in NY to bask on The Steps in the first sun of the year after many depressing months of the same gray skies and gray slush on the ground. Rain makes me feel sad, but not in a depressing way. I love the coolness of it and watching it wash over all that it touches with a clear, glistening paint. I spend most of my days upbeat and happy-go-lucky, but inside my soul longs to be melancholy. When the weather is gloomy and I feel sorrow, it's like the long awaited rain in CA and the first sun in NY after the seemingly endless winter.

Twenty

This is a tough list inspired by my sister Cha. I just love lists and would write in list form all the time, if it were acceptable.

1. When I was young... I smiled at everyone who looked my way and although I was so shy I secretly wanted to be the class clown.
2. Although I love... cooking, I can't stand all the cleaning involved after it's done. I really need a sous chef to follow me around.
3. If I had the time... I would read a lot more. Just finished Memoirs of a Geisha. Not my usual genre of reading, but I found it riveting and really opened my view of Geisha and even the Japanese culture. Of course, I will have to check out the movie this winter.
4. I almost... considered marrying the wrong guy at the age of 21. As strong as I would like to think I am, it would have drastically changed who I am forever.
5. Contrary to the belief here in the Xangaworld... what's Xanga?
6. I LIVE to... watch my children laugh and have deep conversations with my husband after the kids are down (pillowtalk).
7. I think it all started... when I met Erin in jr. high. She and I both shared a love for reading good poetry and writing deep, sorrowful poetry. My love of writing blossomed from then. I once wrote an essay about my experiences as a Korean-American and my struggle to meld the 2 cultures. It was something I wrote just for myself to get my feelings out, but one day I came to church and people were complimenting me on my "story". I had no idea what they were talking about until I opened the church's annual publication and saw a full page printed with my very private essay. DAD!!!! That was probably my first official blog.
8. I immersed myself in... studying everything under the sun. And where has it gotten me? A love and appreciation for so many things, but still no job title.
9. As some of you know... I like to savor a good beer. That was the saddest part of being pregnant/nursing, back to back. From Fall 2001 to Spring of this year I had barely a few sips of beer. Now, if there's ever an opportunity to have a beer, I take it.
10. Although I... appear to be very calm and relaxed on the outside, I have a lot of deeper tumultuous thoughts and concerns that don't come out unless you probe me or unless you read my blog. My husband is big on probing and that's why we work.
11. Besides home... there is only mom & dad's and maybe the Ritz in Maui.
12. Although I love... my house to be clean, I get so caught up in the details of organizing that I can't ever complete the task or I get too overwhelmed with getting everything perfect.
13. I LOVE... my family and friends and spending time with them. I also love making pottery, taking scenic hikes, finding good bargains, savoring good food (especially a good piece of sushi), sitting in a cozy nook and reading, knitting, making paper crafts, gardening and fixing things around the house, but I only have 24 hours in a day.
14. I actually LOVE... chopping vegetables. As a result I have pretty impressive knife skills. My weapon of choice: Santoku.
15. An overwhelming desire to do the right thing ... helps me be a better person, but also hinders me from moving on from my past mistakes.
16. My favorite books in the Bible are... Psalms, Proverbs and Romans.
17. Perhaps it's due to... my mom's impatience when asked too many questions, but I go through life making way too many assumptions and not asking enough questions.
18. I was once... a skater (board not roller), listened to punk and had hair like Robert Smith (of the Cure). I was very proud of the back because I shaved it myself and the rest hung over the top like a mop. I remember when I first debuted my do, my mom got so furious and now I can see why. What was I thinking??!?!
19. I know... I am far from being perfect, but I automatically expect perfection from everything I do.
20. I am currently learning... who I am. Since I am not that in touch with my own emotions and thoughts, I discover a lot about myself as I am writing. It's strange but I'm reading new things about myself at the same time you are.

A strong foundation

I pride myself on being raised in a simple Christian home without many of the worldly pressures that face many of today's children (especially here in Tinseltown). A few years ago, my brother, while helping me sift ingredients for 5 birthday cakes, said to me in a very puzzled way, "We grew up without having one of these (pointing to a flour sifter) and we turned out alright." I had him and poor Cha helping me make individual cake centerpieces for Abby's Dol (1 year party), but that's a whole other story.

Growing up in a small suburb of Houston, we had decent schools and were fairly sheltered from materialism, drugs and gangs. I used to think I wanted the exact same things for our children - a decent public school education, a home in a safe neighborhood that isn't pretentious, a practical car (possibly a used car, so we don't have to worry about all the dings and dents our teens will put in it). After all, Joe and I both were products of this kind of upbringing and we turned out alright. We couldn't have asked for better outcomes - we got into Ivy league schools, finished our graduate education and successfully went on to pursue our careers.

Now that we're on the other side making the decisions for our own children, it doesn't seem so straightforward. I used to have philosophical issues against gated communities and private schools, but when it's your own child's security and future at stake, the gates and the hefty private school tuition seem like smaller compromises to insure the brightest future for our offspring. Our parents, being immigrants, didn't have the choices and the luxuries that we have now, but they did give us the best opportunities they could.

Out of curiosity, Joe and I went to a private school open house last week. We set out to see for ourselves just what private schoolers were getting for all the thousands of dollars in tuition. We were pretty impressed, actually outright stunned at how starkly different it was from what we remembered from our days in public school. In high school, Joe and I both remember days when we had finished all the assignments for some class in the first 15 minutes and then spent the rest of class playing cards with our friends, in plain view of the teacher and the other students trying to complete their work. I have to admit that I loved those times, but I'm pretty sure Spades is not part of the regular curricula at private schools. Now that I'm an adult, I often regret all that time wasted at school. I thought I was so prepared for college after all my AP classes, but it was a real struggle at first to keep up with the rigor of freshman year. Well... some of the difficulty was also due in part to my competitive social schedule. I often hear much different accounts from friends who came out of private high school. Sure the girl/guy who spent all 13 years in private school whose parents probably spent over $100K on their education pre-college wound up at the same place as me, but maybe their foundation is much stronger than mine. Fortunately, my foundation is based on a strong work ethic, instilled by my immigrant parents, and their desires for me to become someone bigger than them. Being the idealist that I am, I think we could build just as strong a foundation for our children no matter what school they came out of. After all, home is the most important classroom. Still I wonder if I'm not giving my children the best and instead selling them short by sending them to a pitifully underfunded LAUSD school. For example, this private school we visited had 5-6 year olds writing short stories in complete sentences, which were grammatically correct and had correctly spelled words. In comparison, kids in LAUSD kindergartens (from the CA State Board of Education website) are expected to "distinguish letters from words", "recognize and name all upper and lower case letters", and "read simple one-syllable and high-frequency words". What a stark contrast! And it doesn't stop at Language Arts; what about the Art class where students were learning about creating Mandalas using different media and techniques, Music class where each student practiced violin and PE where they competed in sports never offered to me until I was in college?

As my brother reminded me with the flour sifter, we didn't grow up with all these luxuries and still we turned out okay. As a parent, I want our kids to have every opportunity and edge. Turning out okay doesn't seem to be enough, and certainly in today's world, it's not enough to get into Ivy League schools, not even 2nd or 3rd tier. But is that all that's important anymore? What about the value of our communities, in other cultures, in society? Children don't see class or race and sometimes even forget gender, but soon enough they will become very aware of these divisions and all the other divides that separate man from man.

A Retrospective Soul

You Are a Retrospective Soul

The most misunderstood of all the soul signs. Sometimes you even have difficulty seeing yourself as who you are. You are intense and desire perfection in every facet of your life. You're best described as extremely idealistic, hardworking, and a survivor. Great moments of insight and sensitivity come to you easily. But if you aren't careful, you'll ignore these moments and repeat past mistakes. For you, it is difficult to seperate the past from the present. You will suceed once you overcome the disappoinments in life. Souls you are most compatible with: Traveler Soul and Prophet Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Ten

Thanks, Tim for the inspiration. Here are 10 people I'd like to meet (assuming they are still alive):

1. Kim Jong Il - I wonder what makes a dictator like him tick?
2. Martha Stewart - I know she's not loved by many, but now that she's out of prison she's tougher and craftier than ever.
3. The person who standardized paper's measurements at 8.5 X 11. Why 8.5 X 11? Did you ever notice that other countries have different standard paper sizes, which always weirds me out. Now and forever my ability to write is hindered whenever the paper is not some proportion of 8.5 X 11.
4. The person who develops and perfects ice cream flavors for Double Rainbow. Oh so good and oh so perfect. That has to be the best job on the planet.
5. The people who burglarized our last home, so I can give them an earful about what I had to go through to get my stupid Naturalization certificate replaced (my only proof of citizenship) with the most inefficient bureaucracy on the planet - the United States INS Dept, now under the control of another mega-bureaucracy, the Dept of Homeland Security.
6. Arnold - Are you trying to run this state like one of your Terminator movies?
7. The people from those tribes in Africa that perform dangerous rituals of female circumcision/mutilation on young girls and facial scarring of young babies as a rite of passage into a tribe. I guess it's ignorant for me to impose my Western beliefs on these people, but what they are doing from a public health standpoint is atrocious. It also makes me thank God everyday that I didn't grow up having to go through that.
8. DeBeers, whoever you are - you are despicable. An example of capitalism with no conscience.
9. The Google guys - you do so much to make my life so much easier. If you haven't already, you need to check out Google maps and Google earth. You can even see your own backyard!
10. The inventor of the current disposable diaper with the velcro tabs - Bless you! It's my sliced bread.

Where's Flo?

Last night Joe and I had a pretty bad scare. Neither of us are planning to have any more children, although we're not 100% against the idea either. Well, let's just say "Aunt Flo" was supposed to visit me this past weekend and is without fail incredibly punctual, to the day. It is now Wednesday, and still no "Flo." I started to feel nauseous the other night and bloated and give off very peculiar gas. (Sorry to be so graphic, but if you've ever been pregnant, these are all the tell-tale signs). In my mind I'm already thinking of furniture configurations to accommodate a new baby and thinking if we have another girl, how I get to save all of my favorite dresses on the girls and get one more wear, but also visualizing scenarios of me running errands outside the house with 3 monkeys climbing all over me. I could see a look of terror and panic wash over Joe's face every time he'd check with me on the status of "Flo" since the weekend passed. Well last night we decided to take the test and make it conclusive. A bit fat negativo. And this time, there were instructions clearly marked on the outside of the package so my physician husband wouldn't have to figure out how to determine the test results, like last time (County test kits are pretty bare bones). So, we're safe for now, but that still leaves the question, where's Flo?

Candy is a legal narcotic

Happy Halloween
Originally uploaded by hyuhan.

Last night after our girls' first trick or treating venture I witnessed a transformation in my children that I've never seen before in my life. We never let our children have candy unless they are at a birthday party. Until last night, I wondered if we were too strict and what would happen if we allowed our children a very occasional indulgence from the sweets jar. After all our door-to-door candy groveling was over, each of our girls were allowed 1 lollipop from their pumpkins. The instant the sugar hit their bloodstream I felt like I was watching 2 chimpanzees behind bars at the zoo. They were climbing on top of each other, screaming, pulling, running in circles.

Other than that, our first Halloween was pretty fun and memorable. Abby and Sarah stood in amazement and excitement in front of each home with the same look on their faces as the first time we took them to Disneyland. I could tell that Abby was in heaven each time a new resident opened their door and told her she was a beautiful Mulan and proceeded to reward her with the one thing she covets in this world, which we as parents have tried to shelter her from her whole life - CANDY. Sarah just stood there, appropriately, like a cow in headlights and occasionally said "MOOOO" and "treeeet" (her way of saying trick or treat, but conveniently leaving only one choice). This afternoon I asked Abby what she thought about Halloween, she gave me a huge grin and asked me if we could do it all over again SOON.