The key to learning

I learned fairly early on that when you push your will on your children, it backfires. Case in point: potty training for 9 months. Abby finally gave in and decided that she wanted to use the potty after I gave up and stopped trying. Part of the reason why I have to keep myself busy (with school, hobbies, activities) is that if I didn't, I'm afraid I would get too wrapped up in my kids' development. Getting too involved doesn't seem like a bad thing for a mother, but I fear for my children, because I think I have the potential to be ... a bit overbearing. You see, I have the type of personality that is very positive and hopeful, so when I start dreaming about something, my imagination runs wild and I start to get a bit overly ambitious. This goes for myself and my loved ones.

I am waiting patiently for the day when our kids can read. That to me is when a whole new world will open up for them. After all, reading is the key to learning. I probably have a collection of books that parallels the fiction section of our local library. I have even invested money on various teaching guides/games to teach our kids to read. I am waiting patiently like a panther stalking its prey for the first sign that Abby wants to read and then I will probably pounce on the poor girl. In my search for the perfect preschool and eventual elementary school, I've discovered that kids each learn at their own pace and have their own interests and aversions, much like us adults. Abby is attending a Montessori school right now (I recently discovered that the Google guys went to Montessori schools. They attributed some of their success to the early teachings of their schools), which we chose mainly because they were very balanced in their philosophy (play vs. academics). Also part of the reason why we chose the school was because we observed that the children behaved in a way that we wanted our daughter to mimic. I thought, if she could only be more focused and attentive like those children, then maybe she could really learn something.

Kids each have their own aptitudes - some can read by 3, some can speak coherently by 1, some can walk by 10 months, and some are the last for all of these milestones. In the end, they all become fully-functioning adults. WHEN our kids learn to read, write or add will have little or no influence on their success as adults. Having an interest in learning these things is far more important, because from their interest comes a desire to learn and excel. That's where my hopes come in. What happens if my kids don't WANT to read, appreciate art, learn other languages, play piano, study various musical instruments, or join sports teams? This probably sums up my main struggle as a parent: I want my children to listen to me, because I think I know best what's good for them, but they are not always willing or ready to listen to me, and their desires are often not consistent with mine. I want them to get dressed in pants, warm jackets and tennis shoes; they want to wear princess dresses and flip flops. I want them to put their heads underwater and learn to swim; they would rather cling to mom and have me escort them around the pool.

*Sigh* As I sit here and think about these issues, I realize what hell I put my parents through. The same stubborn will that I have now is what my parents had to endure for so many years growing up, and now I am sitting in their very same shoes. Reflecting on my childhood/adolescence, I think many times I just wanted to be my own person and treated with respect. That's why kids do the opposite of what they are told, even if it is obviously harmful to them. Kids hate being treated like kids, but adults can't help seeing them as naive kids. I constantly have to remind myself that I am here to guide and protect them, not impose my dreams and hopes on them. There is a big difference between guiding their decisions and making decisions for them. It's an art that I am far from mastering. The main keys are to give our kids confidence to try their best, assurance that their best is good enough, and inspiration to always try to be better.