Joe and I were sitting around the other night, relaxing and having a discussion about capitalism (If you think this is weird, you should talk to Joe about his alternative to Fantasy baseball - it's call Fantasy supreme court justices). I think we have become a bit more liberal with time - this would never have happened if we just stayed in Texas for the rest of our lives. But seriously, we were thinking about how unjust the capitalist market is. Yet we know that we couldn't stand to live in any other world. How can one person make so much money shooting a ball into a hoop, while others with "less valued" skills sit in poverty. Who designated values for such skills? Why is the value placed on skills so inequitable? Isn't it also interesting that we work so hard to teach our children the basic principles of being fair, sharing, treating others as equals, and not keeping score, yet I hardly see these principles in practice in the adult world? For instance children's sports leagues often say that they want their kids to play for fun and so they don't keep score. Is it because kids have the rest of their lives to keep score, or is it because they are trying to fool their children into thinking that this is how adults behave? You know the parents are keeping score anyway and letting their kids know who won in the end.
Once our children get that first bittersweet taste of capitalism, there's no turning back. All of a sudden things won't seem worthwhile without a prize or incentive, and equality is just a blurb in the back of an employee manual or 3 letters on the bottom corner of some letterhead. These are tough concepts for a child to understand. How do we as parents begin to translate for our children the world and how it operates, alongside our lessons of goodness and fairness? I sometimes wonder, did Trump sit down with his kids too, like the rest of us and say, "Ivanka, it's not about whether you win or lose." Doesn't that seem totally hypocritical? And why wouldn't we be satisfied with socialism? So what if we become the poorest country on the planet? At least we will all have access to healthcare and have food on our tables, and won't have poverty. I guess Marx didn't account for sin when he envisioned utopia, because in the end, isn't life all about winning? So it seems. That's when I'm thankful that my life is more than just THIS life. All my toiling is just temporary and my true satisfaction lies in the hope and life ahead in Jesus Christ.
Monday, July 31, 2006
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Four years of smiles
Tonight we celebrated Abby's 4th Birthday with some of her friends. It was the largest party we've had for her yet, except for her 1st birthday, which was almost like a wedding reception (but she'll never remember it). I think in the end there were 15 kids and 7 babies (plus adults). It was almost 120 degrees today and unfortunately for our daughter she will always be stuck having summer parties. At least we were indoors. Because of the anticipated heat, this year we opted for the indoor prepackaged party, which is totally not my style, since I like to have control over every aspect of party planning. In fact, I apologize in advance to my daughters for what I will put them through on their wedding days. In the end, it was very nice. I got to enjoy the party and watch my daughter have a good time, and I didn't have to stress over planning all the activities. Oh yeah, and did I mention the scorching heat outside?!!! What did I say before about global warming? I did of course have to get involved somehow, so I made my greatest culinary creation yet - the Barbie princess cake, which consisted of a plastic Barbie on a stake, stuck into a dome shaped pink frosted cake (strawberry cake on the outside and yellow cake with pineapple in the middle). Dude, buttercream is not as easy to make as it looks. It reminded me of Abby's first birthday party, except this time I didn't have my sous chefs, Cha and my brother, to sift all my powdered sugar and flour for me.
Watching my daughter today at the party I was reminded of what an extraordinarily special girl she is. Most girls her age would be overwhelmed at a party with so many kids and activities. But not our big girl. She was so overjoyed just because all her friends were there with her to celebrate her special occasion. I can already picture her 30 years from now, entertaining crowds, mingling with ease and being surrounded with people. She was born with a love for people. As a baby she always loved to smile at strangers and talk to people everywhere we went. She actually inspires me to be more loving and open towards others. Her smile melts my heart. And she has a laugh that is so contagious. It's one of those that is so hearty that her eyes squeeze shut and head falls back from the propulsion of the laugh coming out.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
We're all the same, and yet so different
Did you know that it's an unwritten protocol that wherever you are, in whatever city, Costco employees all around the world draw big smiley faces on the back of your receipt if you have a child with you? I've hit at least a dozen different Costco's from coast to coast and in Hawaii, and it's all the same. Hmmm. Another reason why I love Costco.
For the past few nights we have been catching a show on one of those sci fi channels called "The Baby Human." It's fascinating what researchers uncover about the human brain and development through testing little babies. Like, did you know that babies only 4 months old can distinguish the slight sound variations in a particular foreign language, even ones that are not spoken in their household? As they get older, they lose this ability, because the brain begins to sift out the information that it doesn't need. There is also an age (around 18 months) when children begin to distinguish the difference between themselves and others. They recognize that others may have different desires from their own. And this is also when they begin to learn how to deal with differences between themselves and others. As I was listening to this I realized, I think that I must have missed this developmental stage completely. Why is it that I have such a hard time understanding how people could act so cruelly toward others? I especially have a hard time when I have to deal directly with people who show no respect or regard for others. Instead of thinking that they may just be another individual with different opinions (who can maybe be reasoned with), I just want to abandon contact with them completely. I wouldn't call myself conceited, but I guess I do also have a hard time understanding why people wouldn't just agree with me and be like me. Like why doesn't everyone have a Costco membership? And why doesn't everyone love NY? And why doesn't everyone believe there is a God? And why doesn't everyone recycle? But seriously, this is probably the root of all my relationship issues. Maybe I'm being a bit harsh on myself. After all, don't we all have a bit of self-righteousness in us? I wonder though, why did I just completely skip that whole stage as a baby when you learn how to understand and resolve differences?
I hate heat. I don't care how much people complain about cold, snowy weather. Heat sucks. At least in the cold you can throw on more layers. In the heat, even if you go commando, you're still cooked meat. The one redeeming quality about summer: sandals and not having to wash and sort dozens of the girls' little socks. Try sorting and accounting for socks of 4 different sizes. If I have any more children, I've decided that we will all have to suck it up and wear sandals through the winter. And everyone in the family will have to agree with me on this one.
For the past few nights we have been catching a show on one of those sci fi channels called "The Baby Human." It's fascinating what researchers uncover about the human brain and development through testing little babies. Like, did you know that babies only 4 months old can distinguish the slight sound variations in a particular foreign language, even ones that are not spoken in their household? As they get older, they lose this ability, because the brain begins to sift out the information that it doesn't need. There is also an age (around 18 months) when children begin to distinguish the difference between themselves and others. They recognize that others may have different desires from their own. And this is also when they begin to learn how to deal with differences between themselves and others. As I was listening to this I realized, I think that I must have missed this developmental stage completely. Why is it that I have such a hard time understanding how people could act so cruelly toward others? I especially have a hard time when I have to deal directly with people who show no respect or regard for others. Instead of thinking that they may just be another individual with different opinions (who can maybe be reasoned with), I just want to abandon contact with them completely. I wouldn't call myself conceited, but I guess I do also have a hard time understanding why people wouldn't just agree with me and be like me. Like why doesn't everyone have a Costco membership? And why doesn't everyone love NY? And why doesn't everyone believe there is a God? And why doesn't everyone recycle? But seriously, this is probably the root of all my relationship issues. Maybe I'm being a bit harsh on myself. After all, don't we all have a bit of self-righteousness in us? I wonder though, why did I just completely skip that whole stage as a baby when you learn how to understand and resolve differences?
I hate heat. I don't care how much people complain about cold, snowy weather. Heat sucks. At least in the cold you can throw on more layers. In the heat, even if you go commando, you're still cooked meat. The one redeeming quality about summer: sandals and not having to wash and sort dozens of the girls' little socks. Try sorting and accounting for socks of 4 different sizes. If I have any more children, I've decided that we will all have to suck it up and wear sandals through the winter. And everyone in the family will have to agree with me on this one.
Sunday, July 16, 2006
ME MEME MEME
I'm so delinquent in my writing these days. With birthday parties (our own and others') to plan and attend and the mommy bus hitting the road ever hour, there is little time for me to reflect on my life these days. As a parent, it feels like almost all my free time is spent thinking about/worrying about/planning my children's activities/schooling/future. That's why I'm thankful for my good friend CHA today, because without her I would have nothing of interest to share with you. Here's just want I needed, a new meme to start off the week.
What is your favorite word? Verdant (I also love saying the country names Cote d'Ivoire and Azerbaijan)
What is your least favorite word? Good. I use it way too often to describe my feelings, my day, my experiences. It's the first thing that jumps out of my mouth before I even give myself a chance to think. It's like an involuntary response and it's not good.
What turns you on creatively, spiritually, or emotionally? Delving into the Bible. Creatively, I would have to say good music. Emotionally, writing draws out thoughts and feelings I never knew existed.
What turns you off? Conflict. It's literally turns me off, as in total brain shutdown. I attribute this to my birthorder (being first born and raised as an only child during the majority of my childhood, until my brother came along 7 years later) and genetics (I come from a long line of conflict avoiders).
What is your favorite curse word? A$$ It's impossible for me to say without getting my whole face into it. Mine has a sort of slow Southern drawl when it comes out. Previously, I used to use "Bitch" a little too frequently. But it was always meant with the deepest respect and was only used on those I loved.
What sound or noise do you love? My children's singing. String instruments, particularly violin and cello. A simple trio will even move me to tears.
What sound or noise do you hate? Nagging. If you want something from me, just ask me nicely. Also, the sound of kids screaming. You would think I'm used to it by now, but it's still the thing that drives me insane.
What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Pastry chef
What profession would you not like to do? 1) Housekeeper/maid/janitor, 2) Telemarketer, 3) Pedicurist, 4) Proctologist, 5)Mortician, 6) Reptile handler, 7) Exterminator. Other than that, I wouldn't mind just about any other job.
If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates? Well done, my good and faithful servant.
What is your favorite word? Verdant (I also love saying the country names Cote d'Ivoire and Azerbaijan)
What is your least favorite word? Good. I use it way too often to describe my feelings, my day, my experiences. It's the first thing that jumps out of my mouth before I even give myself a chance to think. It's like an involuntary response and it's not good.
What turns you on creatively, spiritually, or emotionally? Delving into the Bible. Creatively, I would have to say good music. Emotionally, writing draws out thoughts and feelings I never knew existed.
What turns you off? Conflict. It's literally turns me off, as in total brain shutdown. I attribute this to my birthorder (being first born and raised as an only child during the majority of my childhood, until my brother came along 7 years later) and genetics (I come from a long line of conflict avoiders).
What is your favorite curse word? A$$ It's impossible for me to say without getting my whole face into it. Mine has a sort of slow Southern drawl when it comes out. Previously, I used to use "Bitch" a little too frequently. But it was always meant with the deepest respect and was only used on those I loved.
What sound or noise do you love? My children's singing. String instruments, particularly violin and cello. A simple trio will even move me to tears.
What sound or noise do you hate? Nagging. If you want something from me, just ask me nicely. Also, the sound of kids screaming. You would think I'm used to it by now, but it's still the thing that drives me insane.
What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Pastry chef
What profession would you not like to do? 1) Housekeeper/maid/janitor, 2) Telemarketer, 3) Pedicurist, 4) Proctologist, 5)Mortician, 6) Reptile handler, 7) Exterminator. Other than that, I wouldn't mind just about any other job.
If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates? Well done, my good and faithful servant.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
On being Asian American and being an APA mom
Here's an interesting meme for Asian American parents.
- I am:100% Korean-American - 100% Pusanian in fact. The little Korean that I speak is even tinged with a country accent. People can usually tell right away that I'm Korean, unless they're not attuned to the subtle differences between Asians.
- My kids are:100% Korean-American. I'm not like one of those KA's that think their one duty is to keep their bloodline pure, but yes, I guess I did fulfill my Korean responsibility to marry Korean and produce Korean children.
- I first realized I was APA when: the kids at preschool made fun of my small eyes and teased me with racially inappropriate and demeaning names. Mean girls start young. Also, I grew up in Texas. Let's just say that people there are not the most accommodating and tolerant.
- People think my name is: unique. Even though anyone who can read at a second grade level should be able to pronounce it, people look at my name and just give up. I wanted to say to every teacher, each year on the first day of school, "It's pronounced the way it's spelled, moron." Now that I have a 2-syllable last name which has almost all the same letters in it as my first name, it sounds really confusing. It's like the Asian version of Sirhan Sirhan. I used to wish my whole life that I had a normal "American" name, but now my name is me and I would never dream of changing it.
- The family tradition I most want to pass on is: roadtripping, particularly on trips that involve nature and camping. As much as I love big cities, I need to be within a reasonable driving distance to non-manmade nature. My dad has always been an avid roadtripper. The only change I've made to the tradition is to have accommodations and reservations made in advance before hitting the road and not try to cram in so many sites in one excursion. We really didn't have a lot of family traditions growing up because all of our extended relatives live in Korea, but what we did have growing up was a strong sense that we needed to stick together.
- The family tradition I least want to pass on is: that darn hot-blooded Korean temper. And pushing my children to become piano prodigies by age 5.
- My child's first word in English was: ??? I think it was mom. For some reason she has never called me "umma" (mom for Korean), but only calls dad "appa."
- My child's first non-English word was: Appa. But it was not used in reference to dad. Joe went away for a week when Abby was 6 months and she kept calling for "appa." We were so amazed that she recognized that her appa was gone and was calling for him, until dad came back home a week later and she stared at him like a common stranger off the street.
- The non-English word/phrase most used in my home is: meh-meh hakah? So sad. I can't believe the most common Korean phrase used is one that has to do with punishment. Actually, the kids use it more than I do on each other as a way to threaten each other when there's a dispute.
- One thing I love about being an APA parent is: that we get the best of both worlds. We get to take the good from our Korean and our American cultures and hand them to our children in the form of traditions and values. Also, since there is no protocol for Korean American traditions, we get to pick and choose and make it up as we go along.
- One thing I hate about being an APA parent is: that I'm still confused sometimes about what is best, the Korean way or the American way. The Korean way stresses the importance of depending on your family and placing family first, while the American way focuses on the individual and gaining more and more independence. I want both for my children, but making sense of two opposing cultures can sometimes be stressful. On top of that we also have the added pressure to preserve our culture and language and pass it onto our children.
- The best thing about being part of an APA family is: The strong sense of family. It can sometimes be like an idol and can come with a lot of expectations, but there are a lot of rewards - for instance, undying loyalty and faithfulness. I went to Korea by myself after almost 20 years (I was an infant the last time I was there), yet my family was still family and loved and took care of me as if I had known them forever.
- The worst thing about being part of an APA family is: The expectations that the older generation can sometimes have upon us. But somehow I think this may be a universal truth. The mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship is doomed to fail in Korean culture. The MIL, the matriarch of the family, tends to have unrealistic expectations of her son and DIL. While the DIL is expected to submit to her MIL's authority. It's often hard to make sense of our two very disparate points of view.
- To me, being Asian Pacific American means: that my actions, speech and thoughts are influenced by 2 extremely different cultures. Ultimately my nationality lies in heaven but my life is so rich with opportunities and experiences because of my dual "citizenship." I want my children to know, appreciate and be proud of their Korean culture even though they will grow up being surrounded by another culture. I also want them to know that who they are is much deeper than their skin or hair color.
Saturday, July 08, 2006
Good night and good luck
Is it July already? How did summer come so fast? Are they already starting to pull out their fall merchandise at the stores? My husband just informed me the other day that the summer solstice already passed. Alas, the sun is setting earlier and earlier. And we haven't even broken out the grill yet.
All the news of looming terror threats started to get me a little anxious today. Plus it was the anniversary of the London Underground bombing. And didn't I just read something about a crazy man on the 1/9 subway attacking people with a chainsaw in Manhattan? Go away evildoers.
For the 4th we went out to dinner in K-town and had nengmyun and the most amazing paht-bingsu (it had shaved ice, paht, fruit cocktail, strawberry ice cream, fresh strawberries, fresh kiwi and tiny little marshmallow shaped dduk) with some friends, which was not very patriotic, but hey, it was freakin' hot. Plus, I asked around last week to see if other families were interested in seeing some fireworks together and I was turned down repeatedly. It must be just me, but if I know there's going to be a fireworks show, I'm there. Who can turn down fireworks? In the end we did get to see a fireworks show, because I made my husband pull over on some random street on the way home from dinner just to catch a glimpse.
That reminds me - I bought some fireworks a few weeks ago from the local Target. I figured if Target is selling them, then they must be legal, right? Well, I waited and waited and didn't hear anyone else setting anything off, so I got too chicken and didn't do it. I should just look up the local laws and figure out what they say, but who wants to set off fireworks after the 4th of July? Plus, someone will probably call the cops thinking it's a shooting or something. Really, is it just me who has a fascination with fireworks?
This week I started getting back in the dirt and working on the garden. By the way, what does is mean when you dream about your garden everyday? The 100 degree weather didn't even dissuade me. When I have things to work out, I like to work them out with a shovel and some dirt. I had a bunch of plants that I purchased earlier in the season that were still sitting in their pots, waiting to take root in the ground, but mainly what I did was replant some of the shrubs I planted last year with my dad. The afternoon sun is scorching my azaleas and gardenias. Plus, lantana should never be planted in a shady spot. What were the previous owners thinking? I need to get on another HGTV show so I can get my yard made over. Do you think America would recognize us again or get sick of us if we appeared on another show. I don't want to be another Ben Stiller or Vince Vaughn and get too overexposed.
We had some friends in town over the weekend and while they were here, they helped us set up our new fish tank. I went with our friend one day to the pet store and was advised by him to just buy the accessories at first and set up the tank, so I can let the tank circulate and get ready for the fish. I went back a few days later, and this time the guy at the store prevented me from buying fish, because he said I have to let the tank's level balance out for at least a week before I add fish (something about the pH, nitrogen, ammonia something or other). Then he gave me a pamphlet to read and highlighted important instructions, so I can be prepared and educated enough to buy a fish the next time I come back. These are $2 fish. Give me a break. Will someone please just sell me a fish? I should just get a dog. It would be easier. So, in the meantime, our lonely 25-cent goldfish is swimming around in a very spacious 5-gallon tank with lovely stone boulders and foliage. I can tell he's loving it. He just went from a studio apartment to a 5,000 sq. ft. mansion with a view.
My girls are getting so demanding lately. The other day I was lifting Abby up and she said to me, "Mommy, you're not holding me properly." Excuuuse me. Sarah's even worse. She knows that I often don't hear her the first time and has now resorted to getting my attention by yelling, "MOMMY! MOMMY! I'm talking to you!" My girls are becoming so Diva. I can hardly handle it any longer.
I started backsliding this past week and having thoughts about having a third child. Mainly because I see Abby really starting to mature into a helpful older sister and Sarah is getting a bit more independent. But what if I give birth to another Diva? I've way surpassed my Diva tolerance limit. And global warming is really starting to concern me. It's settled. No more babies.
It's late and my stories are not very coherent or connected. I apologize. 'night.
All the news of looming terror threats started to get me a little anxious today. Plus it was the anniversary of the London Underground bombing. And didn't I just read something about a crazy man on the 1/9 subway attacking people with a chainsaw in Manhattan? Go away evildoers.
For the 4th we went out to dinner in K-town and had nengmyun and the most amazing paht-bingsu (it had shaved ice, paht, fruit cocktail, strawberry ice cream, fresh strawberries, fresh kiwi and tiny little marshmallow shaped dduk) with some friends, which was not very patriotic, but hey, it was freakin' hot. Plus, I asked around last week to see if other families were interested in seeing some fireworks together and I was turned down repeatedly. It must be just me, but if I know there's going to be a fireworks show, I'm there. Who can turn down fireworks? In the end we did get to see a fireworks show, because I made my husband pull over on some random street on the way home from dinner just to catch a glimpse.
That reminds me - I bought some fireworks a few weeks ago from the local Target. I figured if Target is selling them, then they must be legal, right? Well, I waited and waited and didn't hear anyone else setting anything off, so I got too chicken and didn't do it. I should just look up the local laws and figure out what they say, but who wants to set off fireworks after the 4th of July? Plus, someone will probably call the cops thinking it's a shooting or something. Really, is it just me who has a fascination with fireworks?
This week I started getting back in the dirt and working on the garden. By the way, what does is mean when you dream about your garden everyday? The 100 degree weather didn't even dissuade me. When I have things to work out, I like to work them out with a shovel and some dirt. I had a bunch of plants that I purchased earlier in the season that were still sitting in their pots, waiting to take root in the ground, but mainly what I did was replant some of the shrubs I planted last year with my dad. The afternoon sun is scorching my azaleas and gardenias. Plus, lantana should never be planted in a shady spot. What were the previous owners thinking? I need to get on another HGTV show so I can get my yard made over. Do you think America would recognize us again or get sick of us if we appeared on another show. I don't want to be another Ben Stiller or Vince Vaughn and get too overexposed.
We had some friends in town over the weekend and while they were here, they helped us set up our new fish tank. I went with our friend one day to the pet store and was advised by him to just buy the accessories at first and set up the tank, so I can let the tank circulate and get ready for the fish. I went back a few days later, and this time the guy at the store prevented me from buying fish, because he said I have to let the tank's level balance out for at least a week before I add fish (something about the pH, nitrogen, ammonia something or other). Then he gave me a pamphlet to read and highlighted important instructions, so I can be prepared and educated enough to buy a fish the next time I come back. These are $2 fish. Give me a break. Will someone please just sell me a fish? I should just get a dog. It would be easier. So, in the meantime, our lonely 25-cent goldfish is swimming around in a very spacious 5-gallon tank with lovely stone boulders and foliage. I can tell he's loving it. He just went from a studio apartment to a 5,000 sq. ft. mansion with a view.
My girls are getting so demanding lately. The other day I was lifting Abby up and she said to me, "Mommy, you're not holding me properly." Excuuuse me. Sarah's even worse. She knows that I often don't hear her the first time and has now resorted to getting my attention by yelling, "MOMMY! MOMMY! I'm talking to you!" My girls are becoming so Diva. I can hardly handle it any longer.
I started backsliding this past week and having thoughts about having a third child. Mainly because I see Abby really starting to mature into a helpful older sister and Sarah is getting a bit more independent. But what if I give birth to another Diva? I've way surpassed my Diva tolerance limit. And global warming is really starting to concern me. It's settled. No more babies.
It's late and my stories are not very coherent or connected. I apologize. 'night.
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