All by myself

My husband has left me, but just for the night. The men at our church are at a retreat and are probably playing poker right now. You guys better not be staying up until 4 AM just to play poker. I can understand if it was over a game of Settlers or something. When we are apart from our spouses we become so undisciplined. Case in point - I am sitting here surfing the internet and blogging at about 1 AM and just got off the phone with a girlfriend not too long ago. What is it with men/boys? Their idea of hanging out and bonding entails 2 things: playing games and/or watching sports with other guys. Are you men afraid of a little intimacy?

*****

On another subject, I've been thinking a lot about the difference between having and not having - whether it is education, money, power, connections, or skills. Is it just me or does it seem that the difference between the "haves" and the "have nots" is getting greater and more distinct than ever before? As this happens, those with more money, influence and power tend to hoard more for themselves, leaving the "have nots" with less and less. We all want to be in the group that "has" because it's better to have choices in life than be forced to live with little or no choices. When we sit in a position of privilege, it becomes our responsibility to humanity to share our resources and our talent. But what really happens is that people take that power and use it to oppress and push others down further and further. It's happening in Sudan, it happened in Rwanda, it's happening in Iraq, it's going on in N. Korea, and it happens everywhere around the globe, including here in the U.S. between the rich and the poor. I really fear for this world every time I think about all the pain. What kind of world will our children have to face when they are my age? How do we begin to teach society to care for others? We are truly sinful creatures. This is why we constantly have to remind our children that they need to share and to think about others. It's not innate. God did put in us a desire to fellowship with others, but our sinful nature pushes us to want to be ahead in line and holds us back from truly loving our neighbors.

This is all heavy stuff that has been burdening my heart lately. Not cheery thoughts to rest your head upon. I need Joe back so I can unload some mental weight and sleep. God I pray that you please ease the suffering of the oppressed.

How well do you know me?

I started this list days ago and forgot to post it. Thanks Banana for the meme.

Jobs I've had in my life: (in no particular order)
Window person at Sonic (I don't know what the official title is)
Private tutor
Telemarketer
Sales associate at Venture
Office assistant for the Provost
Resident Advisor of a college dorm
Office assistant at a Law School financial aid dept
Waitress at a Korean restaurant
Intern for a NY Assemblyman
Ice cream scooper for Haagen Daz (again, I don't know the official title)
Lab tech at a genetics lab
Public Health Intern for a large County Public Health Dept.
Independent Public Health Consultant
Program Associate at a health foundation
Mom

Four movies I would watch over and over:

1. Ferris Bueller's Day Off
2. Napoleon Dynamite
3. Pride & Prejudice (BBC version)
4. When Harry Met Sally

Four places I have lived:

1. S. Korea
2. TX
3. PA
4. NY

Four TV shows I love to watch:

1. Lost
2. Good Eats
3. reDesign
4. Goong (Korean drama)

Four places I have been on vacation:

1. Maui
2. Moscow and Minsk
3. Yosemite
4. Disneyworld

Four of my favorite foods:

1. Korean: kimchi jigae, kalbi
2. Southern: chicken fried steak, fried chicken, TX bbq
3. Japanese: FRESH, buttery sushi
4. Thai: red and green curry, anything with that yummy garlic basil chili sauce, Pad Thai, Lad Na, Pad See-Ew

Four places I would rather be right now:

1. in a pool
2. at a beach off some tropical coast
3. hiking to the top of the Catskills or some beautiful overlook at Yosemite
4. gazing at my little ones as they are sleeping (I think I'll do that right now)

Four friends that I think will respond:

1. Helen
2. Margaret (maybe via email)
3. Jennie
4. Hopefully, you too.

Four things I always carry with me:

1. A backpack - I've tried every type of diaper bag on the market, but backpacks are the most comfortable. Mine is always stocked with diapers, wipes, wallet, keys and phone
2. Snacks and drinks to combat a potential meltdown (for both me and the kids)
3. My camera - I know I look like the stereotypical Japanese tourist always taking snapshots wherever I go, but I can't stand the thought of not capturing a cute moment from my day with the kids, or interesting architecture, or beautiful landscaping, or just anything that inspires me.
4. Sarah (who is almost always on my hip)

Talks

Lately, Joe and I have been talking a lot. About people, about our kids, about life. It's good to have someone to share thoughts with, especially during the wee hours of the night when your head is still bulging with randomness that only a true friend would understand or find interesting. Also, is it just me, or is it unsettling to keep all those thoughts trapped in your brain when you sleep? I think this is why I used to have very vivid, crazy dreams before I got married. I digress.

Lately it seems that when we have a debate/argument, it is usually followed by other discussions over the next several days (like aftershocks). I know it frustrates my husband because he would rather have it out in one sitting. Part of the reason why this happens is because I can only tolerate so much frustration in a small amount of time. If we are arguing about a topic (let's call it Exhibit A - yes we came up with a labeling system for our arguments), then I just want to focus on the topic at hand and at most maybe the major underlying argument, too.

So, we discovered a pattern in the way we communicate and reason, and determined that we often argue about completely different issues and don't realize that the other person is not following our arguments. This leads to utter and complete frustration. First, because we are not getting the response we want from the other person, and second, because it seems like the other person is either not paying attention or just being pig-headed.

Last week, after one of our aftershocks, Joe, out of frustration pulled out a piece of paper and did a brilliant thing. He proceeded to diagram our argument. I was laughing at the time, because it looked much like a play out of a play book, with lines and arrows going in different directions. It began with a simple exhibit "A" as I mentioned above, and there was also "A*," "A sub 1," and "B." I realize this is not normal, but you couples out there should try this. Hey, you gots ta do what works for you, I always say. It's amazing the amount of clarity that comes from visually seeing how your arguments intertwine or even how they never meet. Can you patent psychological theories/therapy because this is going to be a big one.

Your wish is my command

I know I am not God, but there are days that I wish that everyone would be a bit more agreeable and really.... just obey my every command. Why does everyone have so many opinions around me - my peers/colleagues (when I was working), my husband and even my own girls? I am not a very hard person to get along with, am I? I don't have a lot of complaints or make a lot of requests. I generally keep to myself. So, why can't people just give me what I want? Okay, I realize this doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

My husband and I had a debate last night about whether or not to buy a particular piece of art for our living room, which I like very much but he is neutral to, at best. I realize in the grand scheme of things that this is very trivial argument, although you wouldn't think so with the amount of discussion that was delved into about this one painting. It just happened that this was one of those things I felt emotional about and he was very ambivalent about. Is it just me, or is this one of the most frustrating things about marriage? It's just so much easier to make decisions on your own, especially in cases when the other person is going to disagree and happens to be a bit overly analytical at times. Sometimes I remember with fondness the days when I didn't have to think about checking with a spouse to make a purchase or major decision, or when my choices were not hindered by the presence of little ones. Sometimes I feel like my life is not mine. And that's when I realize God is teaching me that I'm not supposed to rely on myself and I am not in this world by myself. He gave me a partner, someone to help guide me through difficult times and decisions. And he gave me little children, to tug at my leg and remind me that this life is not about me. And he gave me His Son, to rest and find solstice in, not just when I feel weary or troubled. Thank you, Lord.

The ultimate Death

This Good Friday, we had an amazing study (as always) on the gospel of Mark. The Bible is truly an amazing book. I really must read it more diligently. We read Mark 15, which I've read many times throughout my life, but this time I saw more than just the events that unfolded at Christ's death.

1. (vv. 14-15) Barrabas, the true insurrectionist and murderer, goes free and Jesus is condemned for insurrection. In this, Jesus takes Barrabas' place and is the propitiation for his sin (a foretelling of what is to come).
2. (v. 17) He was clothed in purple and wore a crown of thorns. He was mocked as the King of the Jews. He was lifted high upon a throne, the cross. All this when the One who stood before them was and is the ultimate and eternal King. Our study leader aptly named it "the ironic coronation."
3. (v. 29) Those passing by Him mocked Him saying, "Ha! You who are going to destroy the temple and rebuild it in three days, save Yourself and come down from the cross!" Those passer-byers did not see that the One before them was higher and greater than the temple. The temple is in fact Himself and He was to die and be resurrected in 3 days.
4. (v. 31) The chief priests mocked Him, saying, "He saved others; He cannot save Himself." In fact, He DOESN'T save Himself, in order to save others and give them eternal life.
5. (v. 39) The Gentile centurion, and not one of the Jews, was the only one standing before Him that saw and believed that He truly is the Son of God.

What irony. And what a profound and beautiful message.

So Uncool

As I was reading my previous post about going to the mohgyoktahng (bath house) and thinking about this past weekend when we, along with some friends, enjoyed a bit of karaoke, I realized how I'm turning into my parents. I should have gotten the hint when I looked around the bath house and noticed the relative age of all the ladies there. And yes, I admit that it may not be the coolest thing in the world to own a karaoke machine with a library of over 3000 songs to choose from. In fact, as the adults were singing to our favorite tunes (all written before the birth of our children), our kids were pleading with us to stop singing or to get a chance themselves to sing something. I just had a flashback from my childhood of going to other Korean families' homes with my parents and dreading the incessant singing. For all that is decent and holy, please stop singing!

We are officially our parents and are officially not cool.

Cleanliness

If there is one thing I can say with certainty about Koreans, it's that they are thorough. Today a good friend agreed to watch Sarah for me while I hit the Korean bath house (thanks, Doris). I've had this horrendous pain in my neck and shoulder and am even considering acupuncture to relieve it. Almost exactly a year ago I visited my first bath house with Cha. If you can get over being completely in the buff around other women; sitting in scalding hot, boiling hot tubs; being scrubbed down to the bone while watching chunks of dead skin being sloughed off; and being massaged and scrubbed in areas of your body that are sacred between husband and wife, then this experience is for you. For a third of the price of a Western spa I had THE WORKS. I signed up for a body scrub and massage, which was possibly the hardest scrub and massage of my life. As a bonus I also had my head massaged and shampooed (why is getting a shampoo so soothing?), a cucumber mask and facial, AND I just noticed while I was relaxing in front of the TV at home that the inside of my belly button is sparkling! Now THAT'S what I call clean. Detailed clean.

A Happy Ending

The Reveal
Originally uploaded by hyuhan.

Ta Dah! So what do you think? Is this not the most amazing room you've ever seen? It's not a picture from Architectural Digest or some top interior design journal, although it belongs in all of those. It's in our own home! After months and months of contractors and tapings, the reveal has come. The great thing is that it's not just a room for adults to love, but a room that our kids enjoy, too (especially the 4" deep shag rug). I think we will have to move some of the breakables above 4 feet though.

So, come on over and feast your eyes.

Family Room reDesign Part VIII

KB at work
Originally uploaded by hyuhan.

It's been a while since I've updated on the progress of our reDesign remodel. The room has been coming along, but we were waiting for some key elements to come together and now the end is near. It's AMAZING! It was a long, arduous process. We weren't sure at times if all of this was worth it, but now we are seeing it all come together and we LOVE LOVE LOVE it! In two days we will shoot our final dialogues with the camera and our room will be back in our hands. Check out my album by clicking on the photo and scrolling through the images. By the way, if there is anything that you think I absolutely must say on camera, speak now. I have but 1 more day to prepare myself.

Skills of survival

We had some spirited discussions this evening at book club. Life of Pi was a hard book to get into, but had some deeper truth to it. It definitely helped to clarify our befuddled thoughts through discussion. One of the themes we touched on in the book has to do with survival. As humans we adapt and change to survive. We are capable of being so resourceful or so destructive if we are pushed to our limits.

Kind of related to survival, I thought about skills we acquire in life. Some people have more skills than others, from Napoleon Dynamite to Martha Stewart to Albert Einstein. We all have a certain level of skills. I tend to think that it's important to spread your skills out; to learn as much as you can about a lot of different things. I guess this makes me feel more secure in case of an emergency that may require some sort of obscure knowledge or ability. I like to be prepared. But in reality, in this day and age, how important is it to know how to build a fire, sew your own clothes, make kimchi, do repairs/maintenance around the house, or even do taxes? For most of these tasks there are cheaper or easier alternatives to doing it yourself. Plus, time is money, is it not?

The skills that were so prized decades ago are almost obsolete today. Is it better just focus on one or a few skills and excel at those? If I were deserted on a boat with a Bengal tiger, I would need all the skills of survival: navigation, fishing, taming a wild tiger, and many other basics. To survive today, you almost need to focus your skills in a few areas. This is what it takes to get a job and provide for your family; not all that hunter-gatherer Colonial Pilgrim stuff. (Kind of along the same vein, since men no longer have to hunt to survive, is there a reason why some men still feel a need to be so bionically buff, to the point of taking steroids?) Everything is being outsourced, from household chores to the technology we buy. Are we losing the ability to make anything from scratch? It's gotten to the point that when someone makes something by hand, it's no longer considered work. It's now called "arts and crafts."

I would like to pass on a lot of different skills to my children. I don't just want them to be good at their careers and bring home money. There are still those things that can't be done for you. Enduring the discipline required to play a musical instrument, feeling the thrill of winning in a sport, camping in the wilderness and being one with nature, experiencing foreign cultures and lands, and being a living testament to God's Love... Priceless.