Mother bear

Lately, I have been watching and studying my eldest daughter's relationships, especially at church and since the start of school. This year in particular it seems has been more challenging. And as a result I've been paying extra special attention to whether her school is fostering her social skills and whether she is developing healthy friendships in all her various social circles. It's a tough world and it's even tougher for girls. That's why growing up I had more guy-friends. Girls are just too complex and have too many issues and sensitivities.

Today, a fellow mother mentioned to me her regret that her daughter had been less than nice to mine today and in the past. I truly appreciated her apology and expressed that I too have been concerned about this. I'm not trying to single her out (I think we're cool in terms of this topic), since this is a common "playground" issue for children. But I often wonder how much I should get involved in situations such as these. It's not that my daughter has trouble making friends. To the contrary, she is one of the most outgoing youngsters I've known. As soon as she was old enough to learn people's names, she would walk around before church and greet all her friends as if she was on the welcoming committee. It's just that when she is rejected, she takes it particularly hard. She will have to learn that in life there are different types of people and when difficult situations arise, you have to come up with your own solutions and move on. Not all people were meant to get along and be friends. Like I've said before, people are different. Even though I've tried to explain this to her over and over, I realize it's a tough lesson, which I'm not sure a 3-year old is ready to learn. I fear sometimes the negative effects of this sort of discouragement and social rejection at so young an age. I myself was often on the outside of most social circles growing up and although I'm fairly confident in myself now, I find that I still have a hard time asserting myself or putting my opinions out there, for fear of not being accepted.

I know as mothers we have to refrain ourselves, because we would do almost anything for our children, from giving them the food off our plates, to physically stopping a moving truck. It's difficult to strike a balance between protecting them and allowing them to experience trials, so they can learn to solve problems on their own. I can't protect my daughters forever from all hurt or disappointment, although I often wish I could. What good would come out of it though? They would learn that mom and dad will fix all problems and never learn to depend on themselves. But, as a mom, it's hard to see your child hurt and not have it break your own heart as well.