Who's the Boss

It's May the what? It's hard to believe, but my big girl is graduating from Kindergarten already in just a few short weeks. I've included a link of her Kindergarten school news station debut. Kids. I think they exist to amaze and challenge us everyday. They remind us of where we came from and how we should look at things. For Mother's day Abby made me a wonderful book at school about all my favorite things... my favorite color (green), my favorite food (sushi)... and my favorite thing to do when I have time to myself.... "kill the gophers." Huh? Where did that come from? I guess I do spend a lot of time trying to rid my garden of pesky gophers. It's hilarious how children perceive the world.

As I sit here, waiting patiently and longingly for the AC repair man to save me from this torrid weather, I scream quietly inside. He tells me when he's coming (somewhere between 3:00 pm and whenever he feels like it), and I sit. I sit. And I sit waiting. I can't make him come any faster and if I get mad at him, he may decide to not show at all. And then who's laughing? I am totally and completely at his mercy. Who exactly is in charge here? I'm a paying customer, right? But who's the one sitting at home with no AC. I left my job to be at home with the kids and decided that I didn't want to work for someone else anymore. I had had enough of dictatorial supervisors and office politics. I want to be my own boss, I said. Except, I'm not really the boss. I still have to answer to my clients. They're the ones that have the money and can tell me they do or don't like my work. So, I ask myself, who's really in charge? CEO's still answer to the board, adults answer to their spouses or to their children (sometimes), and the fate of my comfort lies in the hands of an AC repair man. It's this vicious race we are bound to run in as humans. We run and run trying to lead the pack to find that we are all really just running in one big circle with no finish line. Why don't we all just stop running? Then we could just get fat and sit in one big happy circle - just a thought I had while I was in the carpool lane this afternoon.

Happy New Year

I trust that you had a pleasant holiday and are ready to jump into the New Year. It's been a while since I've updated. I would give you an excuse about how busy I was, but I've resolved to make no more excuses. Although I don't customarily make resolutions, especially the kind that I can't keep, I've created a short list of improvements I'd like to implement:

1. Be content with the 2 kids I have and stop dreaming about a bigger family. Raising kids is tough and it's even tougher doing it right. We're happy. We're complete. Why am I not convincing you?
2. Try not to yell and get so frustrated with aforementioned kids. I've been thinking about the way I talk to my kids and the way they hear me. I know everyone occasionally goes Alec Baldwin on their kids. For some reason I get a better response from the kids when I speak in a tone of voice and volume that sounds as if I'm going to hurt someone. Anyway, I've resolved to attempt other more constructive (and more difficult, for me) forms of communication. This also means that I have to be a better listener and learn to empathize with them more. I think it would be easier for me to just get a brain transplant.
3. Along with #1 and my difficulties with #2, I plan to FINALLY take down the crib in Sarah's room (the one which she has not slept in for about 2 years), switch the office and the kids' rooms and get our closets outfitted with one of those closet organizing companies. I literally drool every time I look at ads that keep coming to my house for California Closets, or Closet World/Factory/Warehouse/Land/Universe. All right already, I'm going to redo our barely functional, barely closets. I guess I shouldn't complain - in NYC you could fit a whole kitchen in one of ours.
4. I'm going to TRY to stop giving people weird looks (externally and internally). This includes my in laws, my kids, my husband, people on the road, and just about anyone who might tick me off. What gives me the right to judge you? I'm just as weird as the rest of you.
5. I'm going to slow down on my hoarding. I'm starting to worry that my hoarding tendencies are making me clinical. I think I'm justified though, because every time I get rid of something, I all of a sudden need it again (just watch who's going to be pregnant as soon as I take down the crib). At the same time, I can't find anything I need because it's carefully catalogued among the junk I will never use again, but am keeping just in case. I think this can all be blamed on the time my Dad threw away my security blanket. Cleaning out the closets is part of my therapy and road to recovery.
6. I need to not set such lofty goals for myself. That is why I'm going to stop my list here. I know I'm not going to work out, procrastinate less, make a family scrapbook and re-sod the front lawn. Or maybe I will. Well... maybe after I complete #1-5.

Here's hoping your New Year is full of hopes that can be fulfilled.