A day to remember

Memorial Day
Originally uploaded by hyuhan.

What better way is there to honor all the lives that were lost while fighting valiantly for our country than to go visit all the great historical monuments, only miniaturized and made of millions of Legos? I love Legos. Too bad they didn't have Legoland when I was growing up.

Well, after a satisfying vacation in sunny San Diego with some close families, we are back at home. The only thing better than hanging out until the wee hours of the night with good friends, beer and dried squid, is seeing your children have the time of their lives and build lasting friendships themselves. It was bittersweet as we rolled out of the driveway of the hotel. Even Abby complained that our 3 days away from home was ending way too soon. When asked how much longer she thought we should stay, she answered, "10 more minutes." It's funny how children's sense of time is all out of whack. She's always telling me stories about things that happened a long time ago, except in her mind, they happened "yesterday."

I know someday I will look back with fondness on this time that we spent with friends. And although this stage of childhood is one of the toughest on us as parents, it's one of the most blissful for our children, because they have very few cares or concerns in the world. In fact, at this stage, it doesn't take more than a cardboard box to keep a child happy. I think that's what I will cherish most about my children's childhood. There's nothing sweeter than the simple pleasures that are sought and enjoyed by a child (including a land made of Legos).

Family Ties

I think this may be the longest I've gone without writing. I had a jam packed week with my brother in town and a dreaded final to study for. It was fun and stressful all at once. We did everything from refinishing kitchen cabinets to the Getty to enjoying a day at the beach. Life is so difficult without family. God definitely put families on this earth to provide the tangible presence and support that He knows we need.

It's always good when I get to see my family, since it only happens once in a long while. Every time I see my brother, I see him less and less as my little brother, and more and more like a friend and co-conspirator. I used to doubt that my brother and I were really born from our parents, because in a lot of ways, we are so different from them (physically and mentally). The one assurance that I had that we were of the same blood was that my brother and I bear a resemblance to each other. It's amazing but he's finally come to the point in his life where he's thinking about and planning his own family. When I first heard from my mom that he is considering getting married in the next year, I was a bit concerned. Does he really know what he's doing at 24 years of age? Nevermind that I was that age when I got married. But that's different.

You don't think about it at the time, but there will be a day when you look back at your life and the years you lived without your spouse will be just a speck compared to all the time and experiences that you've shared with him/her. It's hard to imagine. Already at my ripe old age of 31, when I look back upon my youth, I realize there are only a limited number of people and memories I have that even approach in importance those that I've built together with my husband. So, choosing a spouse and lifelong partner is no small decision. Thank God I was too young to know better. If I knew what I know now, I think I would have stressed myself out over the whole prospect of marrying someone FOREVER. Years later when we discussed the possibility of having a baby, I was almost too freaked out about being someone's mom forever to have children.

So, my baby brother is thinking about getting married. His mind is set. He's in love. And I see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice. It reminds me of me, eight years ago. Although, I hear more reason and less emotion in his voice than me, but hey, I'm a woman. I think if I were to share a bit of what I've learned from my 7 years of marriage with anyone who is considering marriage, it would be that marriage is not about you, or your desires to be with someone and be fulfilled. Instead, it's about the other person standing in front of you at the altar, and how you can serve and love them as Christ did for His church. I struggle all the time to remember and live this.

Happy Mother's Day

Yes, I guess that goes for me, too. This Mother's Day for me felt more special and more "mother-y." On Friday, Abby's preschool had a tea party for the mothers. It was especially sweet because Abby presented me with a handmade card and mug that she decorated herself. She was so proud of her creations. But what struck me the most was what she said about me when she stood with her class in front of all the moms. Her teacher asked each one of the kids in her class to say something about why they love their moms. The number one answer given was "Because my mommy helps me put my shoes on." Abby's answer though was unique and it touched my heart. She said, "Because my mommy plays games with me." On one hand, you might wonder why these preschoolers are all so self-centered. Maybe Abby was the only one not saying that I help her with her shoes, because I rarely help her put her shoes on. But really, what she said made me feel special, because she was saying to me that she appreciates the time I spend with her. Maybe the decision I made to be at home wasn't so wrong after all.

I've always wondered if I would be a good mother. I've always loved playing with kids and cuddling with little babies (especially the fat Buddha babies with sausage legs and no neck), but that doesn't mean I would be a good mom. There's a lot more to mothering than hugs and kisses. There are certain qualities I lack that are keys to being a good mother:

1. Nagging: I have this innate distaste for nagging and therefore am unable to nag others. Children need to be nagged. They need that constant voice teaching them wrong from right. Because I lack the gift of nagging, my children will either have to learn from their own mistakes or get it from their dad.
2. Baby talk: Mothers have a sweet gentle nature and can often soothe their own children with their voice. When Abby was first born I had a hard time communicating with her, because I didn't know how to talk to a being who couldn't respond or understand what I was saying. Talking to a newborn is much like talking to yourself, but in a retarded cartoon voice. On top of that, I felt all kinds of stress because all the doctors and books were saying how important it is to talk to your baby. Fortunately, my kids are huge talkers despite my inability to communicate with them when they were first born.
3. The third eye (and ear): Most mothers develop a third eye and a third ear that is tuned specifically to locate their own child's whereabouts and detect his/her distinct cry. Unfortunately for my children, I have only two of each, and they can only focus on one subject at a time and are unable to operate independently of one another. Sometimes playdates with other kids and moms make me nervous, because when I'm talking to another parent, I'm not really sure where my kids are or what they're doing. I've gotten better at switching back and forth between conversations and checking on the kids, but I often have choppy dialogues as a result. For those of you who have had a playdate with me and the kids, you know what I'm talking about.
4. Mothers are good and patient teachers: When it comes to difficult people, I often throw in the towel. In those situations I think to myself, "My life is too short to be fighting with people who are unwilling to work with me or are not on my side." The exception, of course is my own children. But even then, there are countless times when I want to quit and run the opposite direction. When I go to teach Abby something new and she gets frustrated with me, I feel like saying, "Fine, stay in diapers your whole life and don't learn to swim or read or write."

In my defense, here are the skills I do possess that are useful to my job as a mother:

1. I am able to wipe up any diaper disaster, no matter how colossal, with 2 wet wipes or less.
2. I can carry more kids, bags, keys, toys, drinks and snacks on my person at once than a mule.
3. I can coordinate 2 outfits for my 2 girls, from hairpins to shoes to coordinating cardigans, in under 5 minutes. Given an extra minute, I can coordinate one girls' ensemble with the other's.
4. My freezer and pantry are so stocked that I can prepare a meal for my kids in less time than Rachel Ray, without having gone to the market in 2 weeks.
5. I can take out just about any stain, excluding permanent marker.

So, I admit, the second list of skills is not quite as important. But they are impressive, aren't they? My kids, for better or for worse, are stuck with having a different kind of mom. The amazing thing is that being a mom is teaching me more than I could probably ever teach my own kids. I just pray everyday that God will help me develop the skills to be a better mom for them, conventional or unconventional.

Culinary Adventures

YUM
Originally uploaded by hyuhan.

I decided that I don't have enough food photos on my blog site. Since I have been too busy to write, I will leave you with something to tempt your tastebuds. What you are looking at is a picture of thinly sliced tuna tartar in ponzu sauce (I think) with a tomato relish/salsa (much like ceviche), topped with a tower of paper thin sliced avocado and daikon sprouts. If you can't make it yourself, then you have to go to Katsu-ya and order it.

In remembrance

We just got back from dinner and a movie with only adults, which is rare for us. We saw United 93, which I wasn't sure I was prepared to see, but thought that I was going to have to see at some point. It was draining and intense. At the end of the movie we, along with the packed theater, were left sitting silent and stunned. Even from the very beginning of the movie I was in tears thinking about the imminent doom those innocent people would be stepping into. They were students, businessmen, retirees... just people with plans and a life to lead, like me.

We definitely haven't forgotten and the events that occurred less than 5 years ago that fateful morning still sadden us to tears. Sometimes it feels so easy to move on and forget our pain. After all, we endure the pain of labor once and are resilient enough to endure another child birth. And sometimes I'm reminded like I was today that the pain is still there. It's just worn with time and deeply embedded beneath years of war in a land that we will never truly understand. We will never really know what happened that morning in those planes, but I think United 93 helped me just a little to move on and to mourn and remember those whose lives were cut short. Like I've said before, we as humans are capable of so much love and at the same time so much destruction.

I hear Oliver Stone is working on another 9/11 film, which I'm sure will be followed by others. I'm not sure how much more I will be able to watch. Will Hollywood do justice to the thousands of lives lost that day or will it just desensitize and numb the public? I'm glad that at least this first movie didn't over dramatize the events or have much of an agenda. I felt like a helpless voyeur watching a tragic, inevitable murder.

Seven is a lucky number

Today is our seventh wedding anniversary. It's hard to believe that seven years have already passed and that I've spend almost a quarter of my life married! A lot has happened and a lot has changed over these years. Honestly, I was a bit scared as this year approached, because isn't this when psychologists say that marriages typically meet a fork in the road and when they sometimes start to unravel?

When you are young, you have such an idealized view of the world. For girls, we dream about our wedding day and about having the perfect home with our perfect husbands. I'm not trying to say that it's not like that, but what I imagined in my youth was so one-dimensional and so naive. I never realized how much work a marriage would take. It takes constant maintenance and a constant commitment to grow together. Otherwise, even the tightest couple will start to drift in separate directions. And once you drift farther and farther apart, it becomes harder to find each other again. This is what I've learned in my seven years of marriage, thanks mainly to my husband who is the glue that holds our family together.

Seven years is not a long time in the grand scheme of things. When I was a little girl turning seven, I was learning how to ride a two-wheeler, getting my ears pierced, and still discovering the world, which mainly consisted of the little cul-de-sac we lived on. In a way, I'm like that childish girl who still has a lot of learning and growing to do. I don't know what it is about seven years, but it definitely feels different and our understanding for each other and our relationship has deepened immensely. I'm just beginning to see a glimpse of what is in store for us in the future and I'm thankful everyday for our marriage and all the many things that have grown and flourished from it. Happy Anniversary, Joe.