THE PHASE

I'm at my wit's end. I'm going through a frustrating few months. Tensions are high. I feel helpless, insufficient, and totally incompetent. My main problem these days is my relationship with Abby. Fortunately, for everyone else, HER issues and frustrations in life seem to really only be directed at me, the very same mother who gave birth to her for 25 hours (I hear my MIL use that guilt tactic on Joe, which I hope I never do with my own daughter. I just wanted some sympathy.). Overall, my daughter is loving, caring, considerate, bubbly, exuberant, and funny. But when she is not these things, she is ... difficult, to put it nicely. Where does she get it from? Must be from Joe's side of the family, because from what my mother tells me, I was an absolute angel.

I wonder sometimes, is this just a phase? But then I see those older kids that still act like Abby in one of her moods and I think, that child is just plain rotten. Their parents must have thought they were going through a phase and they're still waiting for that phase to end. There's a point when you have to face the fact that it may not just be a phase, but some other underlying issues. Am I not disciplining her enough, is my discipline ineffective, is she jealous of the attention I give her younger sister, am I being too strict, am I being too overbearing, am I spoiling her, is she having outside relationship problems, or is it just a matter of our personalities clashing? These are all questions I am constantly asking myself and I don't really ever seem to find the answers to. I sometimes fear that it will be like this forever with she and I. I just want her to obey me and she just wants her way. Finding the compromise between our two positions is the real problem and the solution.

Sometimes I read parenting magazines or books in search of answers. But finding consistent answers from child psychologists is like finding the perfect weight loss solution - is it low fat, or high fat, or high protein, or no carb, or all fruit, or portion control, or just cabbage soup? I was reading this one psychologist that said that you should never raise your voice at your child. Come on. Try that on a trantummy child who doesn't want to take a nap or clean up their toys. "Pretty please, can you please take a nap? It would make mommy so happy." : ) If there's not a loud verbal threat attached to my proposition, I have a hard time getting my children to move when they're not in the mood. Do these child psychologists even have children? It's easy to sit back and give advice when you don't have to deal with it yourself. Unfortunately, I'm no relationship guru or child psychologist either. Maybe I should just medicate her. I'm not really serious. I know. I'm bad. But maybe just until she gets out of this"phase?" Do you ever just want to run out of the house screaming?